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on May 5, 2015
My Dad gave me a copy of this when I graduated highschool in the 90s but I wasn't "ready" for it yet, I don't even think I read it to be honest. Now I'm 37 and realizing that I've put my personal growth on the back burner for entirely too long. I had pretty much given up on making new adult friends. I had actually self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's because I was having such a difficult time trying to figure out why people (including myself) do the things that do. The realization that my marriage was being effected by my nearly empty toolbox of social skills promoted me to take personal responsibility and shoulder the blame myself for once instead of blaming everyone around me for everything. I grew up with a hypercritical Mother so I think I had promised myself that I would never be criticized again, even if that meant writing people off the instant I felt like I had made myself vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.

I couldn't find the copy that my dad gave me so I ordered a new one and chapter 1 alone is changing the way I look at EVERYTHING. I've been plagued with mild depression/anxiety for 20 years and I'm realizing that I've developed some unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with these issues. I never turned to drugs or alcohol, but the fortress-like walls I've constructed to deal with criticism (real or perceived) aren't much better for me. I've re-read and taken notes on the first section of the book several times now and my wife is noticing and she seems quite relieved, i had no idea I could impact another persons life so strongly.

Like I said, I am only getting started with the book and it has already helped me enough to warrant a 5-star rating. This book has stood the test of time for a reason and I can see why now. The strategies are applicable to and helpful in all aspects of my life so far, from my marriage to my job, and even to the way I interact with clerks in gas stations. I've read numerous self help books in the past, seen a therapist for 3 years, been through the gauntlet of antidepressants, etc, and until now I thought I was wasting my time. I've been learning things all along, but I never learned how to actually apply the things I had learned until now. This book speaks my language and if your background sounds even remotely similar I have a feeling that you'll agree.
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on November 12, 2016
In my honest opinion, several principles in this book are repeated around the book. I don't see it as a disadvantage, because repetition is the key to learning. I did think several of the principles explained in the book are common sense, but I found that it could be easy for a person to react quickly to conflicts. This book has taught me the importance of staying in control and how beneficial it is to be in control of our behaviors and act in a way of service to others. The examples described in the book made it simpler to understand the concepts that Dale is teaching. I recommend this book if you would like to improve your skills with people. This book is especially beneficial for those who are working on their businesses and close relationships.

This book is divided into four parts. The first half of the book discusses techniques in handling people and how to have people like you. The final half of the book gives instructions about how to win people to our own thinking and how to be a leader by changing people without offending them or causing resentment.

In the first part of the book, it is divided into three principles. The first principle emphasizes the importance of avoiding criticism and he describes working with people as: working with people of logic. He further describes complaining and criticizing as a foolish task to do and how it takes a person of character to understand, forgive, and have self-control. Principle # 2 describes the importance of honest and sincere appreciation. Within this principle he describes the importance of ending our own thinking of accomplishments and desires. Instead, we must put our focus on the other person's good qualities. If being sincere, this will cause people to cherish them in their minds, even years later. The third principle involves influencing the other person to want, but not in a way that is manipulative. With this principle, he describes the importance of self-expression and connects it to the importance of thinking in terms of the other person, so that they come up with your ideas on their own, which they will like more.

Within the second part of the book, it teaches six principles. The first describes how critical it is to become interested in other people because you will make more friends compared to having others interested in you. When he moves onto the second principle, he explains the importance to smile in a heartwarming way because it will brighten the lives of those who see it. Dale then describes the importance to recall a person's name in the third principle. He gives tips on how to remember and then explains how people enjoy the sound of their own name. The fourth principle is about being a good listener and encouraging those to talk about themselves. He then goes onto to explain again that people are more interested in talking about themselves instead of others. He further explains this point in principle five: Talk in terms of the other person's interests. The final step is to sincerely make the other person feel important because this is the "deepest urge in human nature."

Dale describes in the third part of the book the steps to have a person think in terms of your own thoughts. He then explains that it is better to avoid arguments and to show respect for other people's opinions and never tell them they are wrong. because it will further push them away. If there is fault in your own behavior, Dale explains to immediately admit you're wrong without any doubts. If you are upset, he explains to sit down and counsel together, and if there are differences, understand it. Even in some differences, there will be points of agreement. He then explains the importance of agreement and having the person say "yes," at least twice. You doing this by looking into the other person's viewpoint and asking questions that cause them to agree. It is essential to have friends do the talking and have them excel us, instead of excelling them. When this occurs, they will feel important. To further the notion of feeling important, it is important to have the individual create their own ideas. He deepens this idea by asking questions such as, "Why should he or she want to do it?" and then being sympathetic towards their ideas. In order to catch a person's attention, you must dramatise the ideas you have. If all else fails, he explains the importance of competition and how it drives people to feel important and empowered to work efficiently and effectively.

In the final part of the book, Dale again discusses the importance of beginning with praise and honest appreciation. When someone makes a mistake, call to their mistakes indirectly. This can be done my making their mistakes your own and explaining the importance of fixing it and why it gave you a disadvantage. He then explains the importance of asking questions that direct the person you’re speaking to, to obtain your idea on their own. He emphasizes the importance of having the person be saved from embarrassment, and then explains the importance of praise again, even if it is small. Dale then gives examples of giving a person a reputation that makes them better, in order to have the person be motivated to improve. After giving someone a reputation to live up to, encourage the person to correct their faults and make them happy to do the actions you suggest.
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on June 11, 2017
This book has a few good points, but I could've lived without it.

-Many of the points are repeated throughout the book as there own chapters (the point of letting others speak has been brought up at least 5 times within the first half of the book).

-Vague characters and quotes are used to illustrate a point as if it is proved to be valid.

-Quotes or historical events are exaggerated to fit with the chapter. Just because Abraham Lincoln didn't criticize someone, doesn't mean that's why he is revered and well-liked; there are ALWAYS multiple factors.

This book reminds of me of 48 Laws of Power (which I recommend and like). I'm sure Robert Greene was influenced by Carnegie, or at least his writing style. However, Greene does it more effectively. That being said, How to Win Friends is more about manipulating people to like you and to have power in situations, even if it isn't overt. I did assume this book would be about friendly relationships, but it is much more about professional relationships, possibly romantic.
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on April 3, 2017
This book stands up pretty well to time. I do like the historic feel to the stories.
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on September 4, 2013
I started reading this book and already it's really helpful. I was particularly surprised by the enormous amount of research that went into this book (Carnegie even hired a separate person to research for a year and a half to find the bits Carnegie might have missed). Apparently, they went through over a hundred books on Roosevelt alone.

At any rate, his work paid off. Carnegie's book is logical and helpful. A few of his comments are outdated (his discussion of mental illness was off-putting, but probably wouldn't have been at the time this book was written). For example, psychologists no longer use terms like "going insane" to describe conditions like depression, nor do psychologists assume that people try to become depressed on purpose. That riled me a bit.

If you can overlook these particular comments, there is much to be gained from the book. The advice on dealing with people is stellar.
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VINE VOICEon May 18, 2010
I was drawn to this book after reading in Warren Buffett's biography that it was a book he found hugely influential in his own success with dealing with people. Mr. Buffett had countless friends and influenced as many people as anyone in his lifetime, so I had to read it. I was not disappointed, this book has the eloquent writing style that was prominent in the 1930's (the first edition was written in 1936)very charming and well written, it is a delight to read. I really wished I would have read this book twenty years ago. I would have had a much smoother journey through my business career and personal relationships, but alas later is better than never and I look forward to putting what I learned in place for the next fifty years.
Hear is how you win people to your way of thinking in a nutshell. How do you get the best of an argument? Avoid them at all costs, they are not worth the price. Always show respect for others opinions. Never, ever, say "You are wrong." This gains you nothing. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. This is biblical from the mouth of Jesus, no less. Begin all encounters with people in a friendly way. Always get the other person saying yes, by finding common ground. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking, this is perceived as having great listening skills. Let the other person feel that the idea that you are presenting is his or hers. This is a skill. It is crucial to honestly see things from the other person's point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. Appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas to make them unforgettable and convincing. Throw down a challenge, something for the other person to live up to. This appeals to the ego and desire to be important.
A leader's job includes changing people's attitudes and behavior. Here is how to be a leader in a nutshell. Always begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly and very discreetly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face, give them a way out. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement to get results. Make any fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
This is an excellent book within the realm of learning, developing, and using people skills. So many of us lack this level of tact and finesse, most of us would do well to read this book and put its principles into action. I believe all readers will get the money spent on this book back a thousand times over in the value it adds to your life if you put these principles in action and refer back to it before important conversations take place in your life. I give this book five stars and two thumbs up.
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on March 24, 2014
True friends can't be won, but that's not what this book is about. It's about understanding people and what makes them tick. It's about improving your inter-personal skills and thereby becoming a better person to be around.

Let's face it, FaceGram, InstaSpace and all of those other immediate gratification sites have really made in-person communication skills take a back seat. This book is outstanding at teaching you what you would likely already know if you weren't sitting at a computer reading this review.

I hate books, but I highly recommend this book. It's a quick, worthwhile read! It's the best $10 you'll spend all year!
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on June 5, 2016
Man oh man! If you want to learn the art of persuasion and master communication this book is for you. People walk around listening to one "radio station" allday... WIIFM (Whats In It For Me)?? You will learn the art of getting people to see things from your point of view and cooperate with your vision. Great seller fast shipping
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on April 4, 2016
i highly recommend everybody to buy this book. you need this book in your life. it helped me with every aspect in life starting how to deal my my boss and co workers. and even in my home and with friends. dale carnegie was a very wise man, he teaches me so much everyday i read this book 4 times already and i am into my fifth time now,, it never gets old or boring. you will just learn more an more every time you read it!

how to win friends and influence people changed my life and my way of thinking!
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on November 13, 2013
This is a second read for me, the first being decades ago. It's STILL amazing. It's a short series of simple principles to, well, win friends and influence people. It's funny how well the principles hold up in our more sophisticated age. Probably they're better known now than then, and they may not seem so radical that, as the author says, the book needs to be read carefully and reviewed monthly. Having been around a few blocks, I can testify that these principles work well.

My only complaint is that some editors have added a few passages discussing much more recent events and people than Carnegie could have known about (such as Stevie Wonder). I suppose they're good examples, but it's really jarring to me and makes me wonder what other alterations have been made. I like the examples of long gone people such as Teddy Roosevelt, and I may look for an original edition for my 3rd read. Still, it's a solid 5 stars.
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