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The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us Paperback – July 9, 2013

by Ross Rosenberg (Author)

4.5 1,194 ratings

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Since the dawn of civilization, men and women have been magnetically and irresistibly drawn together into romantic relationships, not so much by what they see, feel and think, but more by invisible forces. When individuals with healthy emotional backgrounds meet, the irresistible “love force” creates a sustainable, reciprocal and stable relationship. Codependents and emotional manipulators are similarly enveloped in a seductive dreamlike state; however, it will later unfold into a painful “seesaw” of love, pain, hope and disappointment. The soul mate of the codependent’s dreams will become the emotional manipulator of their nightmares. Readers of the Human Magnet Syndrome will better understand why they, despite their dreams for true love, find themselves hopelessly and painfully in love with partners who hurt them. This book will guide and inspire both the layman and the professional.

Print length

198 pages
Language

English
Publication date

July 9, 2013
Dimensions

6 x 0.45 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

1936128314
ISBN-13

978-1936128310
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Ross Rosenberg's important work, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, challenges us to continue looking at relationship dynamics to see how our experiences affected us and will continue to affect others. Join this forward-looking movement by reading a book that draws on the discoveries of the past, but adds more wisdom combined with effective answers. Its both the next step in evolution and a revelation.

I recommend The Human Magnet Syndrome to those who work in social services, education, chemical dependency or the counseling fields and to the people they touch. Its time to wake up and this brilliant book sounds the alarm we need.
--Melody Beattie, author of 18 books, including best-selling Codependent No More and Language of Letting Go

Many couples have a give and take relationship. The takers will not read this book. The givers need to. For those who give too much, there is freedom in these pages. Clarity begins here. Learn why you are constantly frustrated no matter how much you give to your partner. Get this book and give yourself a gift.
--Peter Pearson, Ph.D., co-founder of The Couples Institute

Born in the cauldron of personal experience of suffering and healing and honed through years of professional experience, this book will help anyone understand the attractors of love and consequent suffering. I recommend it to couples who are mystified by the depth and repetition of their pain and joy and to therapists whose destiny is to help them.
--Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., co-author with Helen LaKelly Hunt of Making Marriage Simple: Transform the Relationship you Have Into the Relationship you Want

Rosenberg offers a much needed, accessible explanation about how love, sex and relationships can go awry - and what each of us can do to become more empowered and engaged in our lifelong process of building community and family.
--Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, author, psychotherapist, educator, sex and relationship disorders expert

Refreshingly intuitive and innovative, Rosenberg unravels the mystery of self-sabotaging relationship patterns. A must read.
--Randi Kreger, co-author of the best-selling Stop Walking on Eggshells and Psychology Today blogger

About the Author

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT is a psychotherapist,international speaker, author, professional trainer and expert witness. He is considered a global expert in the fields of codependency,narcissism, gaslighting, trauma treatment, gaslighting and narcissisticabuse.

Ross's Human Magnet Syndrome books (2013 and 2018) soldover 90,000 copies and have been translated into Spanish, French, Czech, and soon in Chinese and Russian. His latest book, "The Human MagnetSyndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap," a complete re-write of hisfirst HMS work. Both are considered groundbreaking books oncodependency, narcissism and the treatment for narcissistic abuse.

Ross is a YouTube celebrity with over 14 million video views and 150,000subscribers. His videos inform and inspire a global audience interested in codependency recovery, narcissism, trauma recovery and narcissisticabuse.

His work on codependency, narcissism, trauma, Self-LoveRecovery™, and his "Codependency Cure™" has earned him internationalrecognition. The Codependency Cure reformulates, redefines, andultimately renames "codependency" to "Self-Love Deficit Disorder™."

His latest "Codependency Cure™" work, like The Human Magnet Syndrome,breaks new ground in the mental health fields. It reformulates,redefines, and ultimately renames "codependency" to "Self-Love DeficitDisorder™," a trauma disorder, shame and pathological loneliness problem and an impossible to quit addiction.

All of Ross's educationaland personal development products and services are featured in his SelfLove Recovery Institute company (SelfLoveRecovery.com)

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Premier Publishing & Media; 6.9.2013 edition (July 9, 2013)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 198 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1936128314
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1936128310
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.5 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.45 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #101,327 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #297 in Emotional Mental Health
- #414 in Popular Psychology Pathologies
- #629 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.5 1,194 ratings

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Ross Rosenberg
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Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it. Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his 22 million viewed/240,000 subscribed YouTube channel and the sale of 145,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages. In 2015, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.
All of Ross's educational, inspirational, mental health, and personal development products and services are featured in his Self-Love Recovery Institute company (www.SelfLoveRecovery.com)
ABOUT THE BOOK
Rosenberg's Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2nd Edition) is the breakthrough book that completely rewrites what we know and understand about codependency, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and attachment trauma. The 2013 and 2018 versions have collectively sold over 150,000 copies and are published in 12 languages. As a result, it has become a codependency and narcissistic abuse staple for both mental health professionals and the clients they help.
The Human Magnet Syndrome (HMS) books address the invisible force that magnetically and irresistibly draws people together, not by what they see, feel, and think, but more by an invisible, unconscious relationship force. It re-conceptualizes romantic "chemistry" as an invisible alluring, seductive "love force" that is impossible to avoid. It explains why Codependents and Pathological Narcissists cannot avoid HMS's predictable dysfunctional opposite match-up.
The Human Magnet Syndrome compelled relationships reflexively begin with a dreamlike "love explosion," which unfolds into a painful "seesaw" of love, pain, hope, and disappointment. Then, like clockwork, the codependent's soulmate dream lover predictably and inevitably transforms into the narcissist of their nightmares.
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Ross A. Rosenberg
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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5

1,194 global ratings

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TenfinityFilms

Must reading ... especially if your picker is broken....

Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2014

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Oh my... this book was amazing!! Thank you Ross Rosenberg!!

I am a student finishing up my AA degree in human services w/ an emphasis on certification for Chemical Dependency Professional... I WAS going to work as a substance abuse counselor however, the past two year, after my own awakening in my codependent ways of being, I began working a recovery program in Al-anon. I read everything I could get my hands on with regards to this topic and devoured all my college level text books on the subject of addiction ... because the narcissistic addict was the thorn in my flesh...

I began to understand and fully understand after reading this book, how we attract the opposite of what we are... I was a serious codependent. I never realized I learned to HATE who I was.. to avoid an abusive, rage-a-holic father, I employed roles and ways fo being to anticipate what was coming so I could avoid being beaten... It never worked but I learned how to read people and please them to avoid being abandoned rejected and orphaned ...

I have had a few significant relationships in my life. All were with narcissist once using addicts and a few in active addiction. I was unable to see the pattern or see anything in me that was bringing them into my life.. just wasn't the time. Two years ago, it became time to wake up and change...

Today, this book has helped me understand the continuum of how and who attracts who... a -5 codependent will attract a +5 narcissistic personality, BPD, or addict narcissist ... addicts are always narcissistic.. they literally have a love relationship with their drug of choice and USE people ... there are 3 stages to addiction: early, middle and late stage and just going sober doesn't change the narcissist personality they have created in the disease; WHICH is why it is imperative for them to work an HONEST recovery program with a sponsor in some type of 12 step program. It is a guide to renewing their distorted, diseased, brain and learn to become awake, aware and actively recovering and changing.

This book discusses everything necessary so you will learn about yourself and your patterns as a codependent. Unfortunately, as stated in this book, most narcissistic types will NOT be helped because they can't ever see that they have done anything wrong.. their programming is such that they are perfect, grandiose, without fault nor flaw... they can't even begin to dig down deep in to the cesspool of their past upbringing to address the deep trauma and abuse they encountered at some point in their development. This is what drives them to self-medicate, or just live the illusion that they are perfect and everyone should bow down worship and adore them "god complex' types.

I completed this book in one sitting .. it just spoke to exactly what I needed to read at the moment.. filling in so much information to all that I have read over the past 2-4 years when I was 'dabbling' in considering if I was in need of help until I realized I WAS definitely in need of help.

Today I believe through the program of Al-anon and working with a sponsor as well as reading and studying such books as this, I have entered in to a level of healing that I could not have entered in to any other way.. I came to see that I needed to be restored to sanity because I was INSANE as a result of the narcissistic addicts I had allowed into my life... the only way to get better was to get away from them, isolate myself for a season and put the focus totally on me... nothing a true codependent does with out dis-ease...

I began loving myself. Accepting myself and all that has happened and currently happens.. I live in acceptance and I forgave and rapidly forgive myself daily. Perfection and control are both illusions and I live genuine and authentic these days. I have good healthy boundaries in place and have eradicated close ties with anyone in active addiction or not working an honest recovery.

This book is MUST reading MUST MUST MUST .. if you are a codependent and if you happen to be that rare addict narcissist who wants to truly find peace and serenity in a recovery lifestyle. I think the book said that many addicts move out of the narcissistic +5 when they stop drinking and work recovery ...

All in all, I will and have already recommended this book to people in class and working their own recovery program. Thank you Ross Rosenberg for taking of your time to put this down on paper and put it in print! I am grateful to infinity and beyond! NOW I have a definite understanding of why I attracted who I did .. and why I am no longer attracting unhealthy addict types... SO happy to know this!!

239 people found this helpful

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Movie-Mavin

TEN STARS!!! Best relationship book ever! Explains why we pick the partners we do, why relationships work out well or not.

Reviewed in the United States on May 19, 2014

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I've read tons of books on relationships and psychology and this is an indispensible book if you are trying to find a positive, long-term relationship or are trying to understand why your past (or present) relationships end badly. Not only does Mr. Rosenberg describe different personalities, he gives practical (and religion neutral) advice as to why we attract and are attracted to the people we do and why we find ourselves having positive or negative relationships. He gives clear examples and, (unlike the vast majority of self-help books on relationships that provide descriptions but no course of action) gives clear, practical advice as to what one can do to find the person with whom one can have a kind, loving, supportive, positive and fulfilling relationship.

This book provides the best advise I have ever read or heard that clearly explains what to do, what to watch out for and how to evaluate prospective long-term healthy partnerships. Mr. Rosenberg clearly and simply explains why we attract the people we do and if we are not finding ourselves in the type of relationship we want, what we must do to change. He explains why it is important to examine and understand ourselves, our own behavior and our own needs first in order to be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and end up with the relationship we want.

So, if you are frustrated that all of your relationships end badly, if you always find your own needs not being met, if you end up feeling taken advantage of or abused - read this book! A long and happy relationship or marriage can be had by first understanding ourselves, then being the type of person we need to be to attract they type of partner we dream of having.

This book helped me better understand the reasons and processes whereby my first marriage ended in unhappiness, pain and disaster! After reading this book I could clearly see how I changed myself (with much professional and peer help) and was able to attract the terriffic, kind, loving, honest and exciting man I have been married to for 25 years!

I have shared this book with friends and family who have asked us how we have been happily together for 28 years. Before we even met, we had both examined and worked at understanding ourselves, learned what we could be as a good partner and what we needed in a partner in order to be happy. Without the benefit of this book, we had made the changes necessary (learned from the mistakes of our past) and conciously, with clarity and patience, worked at being the kind of person we needed to be then sought out an equal partner.

It would have been most helpful to have had this book back then. It clearly describes the process we stumbled upon to find the right mate to have a successful, happy marriage. We somehow did exactly what this book spells out - we became the type of person that would attract the type of partner we dreamed of having. We still work at being the right partner every day, so I agree with and believe wholeheartedly with the advice in this book! It works, it really, really works!

18 people found this helpful

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Khushee K

Codependency & Narcissistic dynamics

Reviewed in India on October 6, 2019

Verified Purchase

Psychological understanding why we are attracted to people of a certain type, where it can be abuse, narcissistic behaviour and where acceptable relationship dynamics..

Rosenberg talks of Emotional Manipulators and Codependent Relationship patterns and how we need to understand and overcome our own painful mental blocks before we can find truly satisfying and healthy love partnerships

Very well written and simple way of explaining so a layperson can comprehend the dynamics of unhealthy relationship patterns.

A must for those in therapy, counseling, education and chemical dependency fields. And for those in Narcissistic relations or suspect they in one.. or anyone interested in human relationships.

Cliente de Amazon

Very good and important book to read

Reviewed in Mexico on August 17, 2017

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This was for my mother how suffered a narcissistic relationship, this has given her a lot more confidence and knowledge about this mental illness.

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Amazon Kunde

Great read

Reviewed in Germany on March 21, 2018

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Very interesting read that gives a fascinating insight into the human mind and why we act like we do. Wonderful writing style.

One person found this helpful

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elizabeth mason

Excellent book. Helps you understand why you're in a ...

Reviewed in Canada on May 18, 2015

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Excellent book. Helps you understand why you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissist in the first place and how you can prevent this from happening again. Also--this book teaches you how you can work with the relationship you are in to make it more balanced. The upside in this scenario is that as you become more oriented to making sure your own needs are met your selfish partner will become more attuned to your needs--or ditch you because he/she was a selfish SOB to begin with and there was absolutely no possibility of change ever. Either way you win.

5 people found this helpful

Philippe L. Carrierre

Changed my life forever

Reviewed in France on June 11, 2014

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This book and Codependent no more of Melody Beatie, with is referred in Ross' book have changed my life. Knowing that I am a co-dependent was the first change. Then, I understood, like the author, why I am attracted to certain narcistic personality. Putting a name on what is making my life difficult to manage, helps to reverse the sense of chaos, create order where confusion reigned. The old Roman adage: “Know yourself!”

The book is badly written, lot of repetition in order to have the right number of pages is my guess. But it is still easy to go through it and understand the genius of his author. A very simple idea, well explained and the working pieces detailed. Thanks to this, I can protect myself from my own foolishness, understand my mate better too.

So five stars man!

2 people found this helpful

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