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Samantha Schutz

I Don't Want To Be Crazy Hardcover – July 1, 2006

by Samantha Schutz (Author)

74 ratings

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A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.

This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities -- freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she revelled in the independence ... but as pressures increased , she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated. Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir.

Reading age

12 - 18 years
Print length

288 pages
Language

English
Grade level

7 - 12
Dimensions

5.25 x 0.75 x 7 inches
Publisher

Push
Publication date

July 1, 2006
ISBN-10

043980518X
ISBN-13

978-0439805186
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Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Grade 9 Up—In this "memoir in verse," Schutz comes to terms with an anxiety disorder that surfaced and plagued her throughout and after her college years. Readers accompany the author from the summer after high school, through college, on a semester abroad in Paris, and into her first job after graduation. Typical early-adulthood issues such as boyfriends, sex, drinking, grades, and family are woven throughout her struggle with physically and mentally debilitating panic attacks. The author had the courage and wisdom to seek professional help and embarked on a long and often bumpy road to treating her disorder. The decision to write in verse proves fitting; in the scenes in which a panic attack is approaching, for example, the short lines of text echo the breathless terror described within. Though the book begins to feel repetitive toward its conclusion, the repetition simultaneously reflects the cyclical nature of Schutz's disorder and one's college years. Aptly, the book ends without absolute closure, and while luckily not all teens will find themselves in identical situations, many young people transitioning to adulthood will find a part of themselves in this overwhelming, and seemingly never-ending, search for self-identity.—Jill Heritage Maza, Greenwich High School, CT
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Push; 1st Ediiton edition (July 1, 2006)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 043980518X
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0439805186
Reading age ‏ : ‎ 12 - 18 years
Grade level ‏ : ‎ 7 - 12
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.75 x 7 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #2,314,905 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #134 in Books on Disability for Young Adults
- #280 in Teen & Young Adult Depression & Mental Health
- #300 in Being a Teen

Customer Reviews:
74 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		75%
4 star		11%
3 star		6%
2 star		8%
1 star 0% (0%)		0%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Dana Golden

Bad! Do not read

Reviewed in the United States on December 31, 2020

Verified Purchase

I was not fond of this book at all. It presented a one-sided biased look at mental illness that really did not live up to its promises.
It was a good story of overcoming adversity but ultimately not enjoyable

Helpful

kbaccellia

A honest portrayal of a girl's struggle with anxiety disorder

Reviewed in the United States on June 14, 2007

Verified Purchase

When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities-freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she reveled in the independence-but as the pressures increased, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and incapacitated.

This is a very honest portrayal of someone suffering from an anxiety disorder. This story brought back memories of my own attacks when I went away to college. And just like the author shows, each episode is scary and you do start questioning your own sanity.

The free verse style of writing makes the story even more real. The reader can't help but feel for Samantha as she goes through an episode, her experiences with meds, therapists, and how she comes to grips with not only her illness but her own sanity.

I highly recommend this book.

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

Michael A. August

If confronting anxiety, hard to put down

Reviewed in the United States on June 4, 2015

Verified Purchase

Big pitfall with anxiety is the underlying certainty that no one can truly empathize with the state of your mind or that it is all merely pitiable. But hey, it's real and a heckuva lot of people deal with it. Nice to share in another's person's perspective for a bit and see how they've gone through a similar mental gauntlet. Reads like a well-put-together diary. As Samantha details her downs, up, and downs you see that you are not alone at all; just as there is hope for her (and you want there to be hope) so for your, as well.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

KAtTIE SIVLEY

A little boring

Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2019

Verified Purchase

I love memoirs, especially of mental illness. They are so interesting. I thought this book was only so-so though

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Ink Jones

Major Relatability

Reviewed in the United States on May 26, 2011

Verified Purchase

Before I jump into it, I have to say that Schutz did a great and brave thing by publishing this book--without a pen name, no less. I can guess that the actual act of her writing down her life's struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder was a very therapeutic act in and of itself. It probably benefitted her, and definitely benefitted other teens struggling with this, and other mental disorders by giving them a real story they can relate to. The ending might not have been the fairytale we're all used to, but it was real.

The prose in more popular books like Crank and Impulse are relatable to teenagers with mental health problems, but in the end the stories are just made up. This book is different because it remains relatable and inspiring despite the ending being ragged around the edges because it is the author's real story of her real life's struggle with a very real sickness. Schutz, while not in the visually based poem format Hopkins books are, still incorporates some beautiful language in her story that really helps the reader say, "yes, I know exactly what you're talking about, and I've been there, too." One of my favorite examples of this is when she states "I build myself safety nets but they bind me in a web" (1637). When I read this, I thought of all the times in my life when I had tried so desperately to avoid failing but in my efforts, had doomed myself to do so. I have certainly not heard this described with a better analogy than the one Schultz used, and I don't think one could exist.

The style in the book, while not comparable to the eloquence and artistry that Hopkins demonstrated time and time again, is still noticeable, and enhances the interest greatly. She uses short sentences and also sentences that take up entire pages; her style matches the mood of the story being told at that point. This is something I enjoyed about the book. She uses cognitive questioning, asking herself things like, "when I try to save other people am I trying to save myself?"(564). Questions open the reader's mind and make them think about their own life. Maybe they are a saver too; maybe they try to save everyone around them. Are they trying to save themselves? Why do they do that? Questions like these also help the reader be interested in the story. Overall, the plot is not anything groundbreaking, and the struggles of adolescence are nothing new, but the style and the fact that it is an autobiography make this book worth reading.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Sharif

intense memoir in verse about a panic disorder

Reviewed in the United States on May 28, 2011

Verified Purchase

This is a memoir written in verse form. Go back to your teen and college years, to that time when you were out on your own, exploring the world and entering new relationships. Everything is scary and exciting as one breaks ties with family. But during the author's attempt to blend into the real world, she continuously walked into a wall of panic. Anxiety attacks, fainting spells, and moments of doubt and insecurity plagued Schutz during her young adult years. This true life book about mental illness was intense. I'll most likely read it again.

Helpful

Amazon Customer

A parent that seeks understanding

Reviewed in the United States on March 25, 2013

Verified Purchase

I read this book all at once. My daughter, 15 also suffers daily with a panic disorder, as well as depression. I am very close to my daughter, and go through every attack with her. I really thought I understood how she felt, and what she was going through. However, reading this book REALLY helped me realize that I don't always understand. I almost felt like I could put put myself in her head. The feelings and desciptions that Samantha shares are EXACTLY what my daughter has been feeling and goes through every day. It helped me even more support and help me to continue the journey with my daughter, with empathy and patience. If anyone you love is dealing with anixiety disorder, I STRONLY recommend reading this book. I have read many books written by professionals on panic disorder and followed many blogs. This is the first book I have read that was written by a person suffering. I stumbled upon it and am very glad I did.

Helpful

Melly28

Great read

Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2016

Verified Purchase

I too have had anxiety without any explanation and reading someone's struggles sometimes makes it easier to deal with your own. This was well written.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Menna Powell-Davies

v good!!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 9, 2015

Verified Purchase

!!! v good!!!!

savage_scavange

Vivid and heartwrenching

Reviewed in Canada on May 18, 2013

Verified Purchase

If you've never had panic attacks this book will be Chinese to you. But, if you ever dealt with that you will find it described in a way where the structure is so vividly true it goes straight to your guts. I wouldn't have been able to describe the issue better. I wasn't too hot about the poetry part, but it's more like entries in a journal and works for the style.
Adored it.

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