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Samantha Schutz
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I Don't Want To Be Crazy Hardcover – July 1, 2006

by Samantha Schutz (Author)
4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 154 ratings
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A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.

This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities -- freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she revelled in the independence ... but as pressures increased , she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated. Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir.
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  1. Reading age
    12 - 18 years
  2. Print length
    288 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Grade level
    7 - 12
  5. Dimensions
    5.25 x 0.75 x 7 inches
  6. Publisher
    Push
  7. Publication date
    July 1, 2006
  8. ISBN-10
    043980518X
  9. ISBN-13
    978-0439805186
  10. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Grade 9 Up—In this "memoir in verse," Schutz comes to terms with an anxiety disorder that surfaced and plagued her throughout and after her college years. Readers accompany the author from the summer after high school, through college, on a semester abroad in Paris, and into her first job after graduation. Typical early-adulthood issues such as boyfriends, sex, drinking, grades, and family are woven throughout her struggle with physically and mentally debilitating panic attacks. The author had the courage and wisdom to seek professional help and embarked on a long and often bumpy road to treating her disorder. The decision to write in verse proves fitting; in the scenes in which a panic attack is approaching, for example, the short lines of text echo the breathless terror described within. Though the book begins to feel repetitive toward its conclusion, the repetition simultaneously reflects the cyclical nature of Schutz's disorder and one's college years. Aptly, the book ends without absolute closure, and while luckily not all teens will find themselves in identical situations, many young people transitioning to adulthood will find a part of themselves in this overwhelming, and seemingly never-ending, search for self-identity.—Jill Heritage Maza, Greenwich High School, CT
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Push; 1st Ediiton edition (July 1, 2006)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 043980518X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0439805186
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 12 - 18 years
  • Grade level ‏ : ‎ 7 - 12
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.75 x 7 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 154 ratings

About the author

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Samantha Schutz

Samantha Schutz

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Samantha Schutz is the author of the acclaimed memoir I Don't Want to Be Crazy, which was a New York Public Library Best Book for Teens and a Voices of Youth Advocates Poetry Pick. You Are Not Here was her first novel.

She is also a co-creator of the You Are Not Alone Murals series [www.youarenotalonemurals.com] as well as the curator of You Make Me Feel Less Alone [www.youmakemefeellessalone.com], a place where people can submit writing and art about the things they are struggling with.

Samantha lives in New York City an works as a full-time Publishing Director. More info at www.samantha-schutz.com.

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
154 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

roxie tate
5.0 out of 5 stars found it, and still adore it!
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2012
Verified Purchase
I first read this book in my eleventh grade year of high school, when I borrowed from the school library.
I returned it and constantly kept thinking about the book, and how it totally spoke for me and what I was and still am going through.
How I feel, and see things from my point of view. Couldn't remember name of book sooo........
I searched Google "book about girl in college with anxiety attacks" and there it was "I Don't Want To Be Crazy" By Samantha Schutz.
Was so happy I found it Finally! (took forever). recently just got out of high school and I am so happy to have found this book.
Thank You So Much!!
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Michael A. August
5.0 out of 5 stars If confronting anxiety, hard to put down
Reviewed in the United States on June 4, 2015
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Big pitfall with anxiety is the underlying certainty that no one can truly empathize with the state of your mind or that it is all merely pitiable. But hey, it's real and a heckuva lot of people deal with it. Nice to share in another's person's perspective for a bit and see how they've gone through a similar mental gauntlet. Reads like a well-put-together diary. As Samantha details her downs, up, and downs you see that you are not alone at all; just as there is hope for her (and you want there to be hope) so for your, as well.
One person found this helpful
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Ink Jones
4.0 out of 5 stars Major Relatability
Reviewed in the United States on May 26, 2011
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Before I jump into it, I have to say that Schutz did a great and brave thing by publishing this book--without a pen name, no less. I can guess that the actual act of her writing down her life's struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder was a very therapeutic act in and of itself. It probably benefitted her, and definitely benefitted other teens struggling with this, and other mental disorders by giving them a real story they can relate to. The ending might not have been the fairytale we're all used to, but it was real.

The prose in more popular books like Crank and Impulse are relatable to teenagers with mental health problems, but in the end the stories are just made up. This book is different because it remains relatable and inspiring despite the ending being ragged around the edges because it is the author's real story of her real life's struggle with a very real sickness. Schutz, while not in the visually based poem format Hopkins books are, still incorporates some beautiful language in her story that really helps the reader say, "yes, I know exactly what you're talking about, and I've been there, too." One of my favorite examples of this is when she states "I build myself safety nets but they bind me in a web" (1637). When I read this, I thought of all the times in my life when I had tried so desperately to avoid failing but in my efforts, had doomed myself to do so. I have certainly not heard this described with a better analogy than the one Schultz used, and I don't think one could exist.

The style in the book, while not comparable to the eloquence and artistry that Hopkins demonstrated time and time again, is still noticeable, and enhances the interest greatly. She uses short sentences and also sentences that take up entire pages; her style matches the mood of the story being told at that point. This is something I enjoyed about the book. She uses cognitive questioning, asking herself things like, "when I try to save other people am I trying to save myself?"(564). Questions open the reader's mind and make them think about their own life. Maybe they are a saver too; maybe they try to save everyone around them. Are they trying to save themselves? Why do they do that? Questions like these also help the reader be interested in the story. Overall, the plot is not anything groundbreaking, and the struggles of adolescence are nothing new, but the style and the fact that it is an autobiography make this book worth reading.
5 people found this helpful
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Jennifer L. Munce
5.0 out of 5 stars An amazing book
Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2011
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This is an amazing book that can't help but strike a chord with anyone with has suffered with depression, or knows someone who has. I used to have a copy and it got lent out and we never got it back. I just had to replace it. It's a good book to reread once a year just to get your head on straight. I love this book.
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Cyber0ne
3.0 out of 5 stars Beat up, and has a clearance sticker on it
Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2023
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Book looks like it's been sitting on a shelf at first I thought it was used. Could have at least removed the clearance sticker before shipping it to me lol.
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Hannah Ghussein
5.0 out of 5 stars I love this book.
Reviewed in the United States on August 18, 2013
Verified Purchase
I have Panic Disorder as well and it was a really touching book to see how one goes through the same thing. I was recently diagnosed so this book was very very helpful. It is also a good read for your friends and family who don't understand really exactly what Panic Disorder is...and what it is like living with it.
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Kay
5.0 out of 5 stars Embodies the sensation and struggle of anxiety in few words
Reviewed in the United States on February 6, 2014
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If you are struggling with anxiety, this book accounts for feelings you may also have had. It is a calm reminder that you are not crazy and there are others like you. Also, a great read if you're struggling to understand a loved one's battle with anxiety or panic.
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Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars A parent that seeks understanding
Reviewed in the United States on March 25, 2013
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I read this book all at once. My daughter, 15 also suffers daily with a panic disorder, as well as depression. I am very close to my daughter, and go through every attack with her. I really thought I understood how she felt, and what she was going through. However, reading this book REALLY helped me realize that I don't always understand. I almost felt like I could put put myself in her head. The feelings and desciptions that Samantha shares are EXACTLY what my daughter has been feeling and goes through every day. It helped me even more support and help me to continue the journey with my daughter, with empathy and patience. If anyone you love is dealing with anixiety disorder, I STRONLY recommend reading this book. I have read many books written by professionals on panic disorder and followed many blogs. This is the first book I have read that was written by a person suffering. I stumbled upon it and am very glad I did.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Menna Powell-Davies
5.0 out of 5 stars v good!!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 9, 2015
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!!! v good!!!!
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savage_scavange
5.0 out of 5 stars Vivid and heartwrenching
Reviewed in Canada on May 19, 2013
Verified Purchase
If you've never had panic attacks this book will be Chinese to you. But, if you ever dealt with that you will find it described in a way where the structure is so vividly true it goes straight to your guts. I wouldn't have been able to describe the issue better. I wasn't too hot about the poetry part, but it's more like entries in a journal and works for the style.
Adored it.
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