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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Tom Segura (Author, Narrator), Grand Central Publishing (Publisher)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 4,071 ratings
Goodreads Choice Award nominee
See all formats and editions

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

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  1. Listening Length
    6 hours and 4 minutes
  2. Author
    Tom Segura
  3. Narrator
    Tom Segura
  4. Audible release date
    June 14, 2022
  5. Language
    English
  6. Publisher
    Grand Central Publishing
  7. ASIN
    B09QXQPS1M
  8. Version
    Unabridged
  9. Program Type
    Audiobook
  10. See all details
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Product details

Listening Length 6 hours and 4 minutes
Author Tom Segura
Narrator Tom Segura
Whispersync for Voice Ready
Audible.com Release Date June 14, 2022
Publisher Grand Central Publishing
Program Type Audiobook
Version Unabridged
Language English
ASIN B09QXQPS1M
Best Sellers Rank #4,527 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals)
#6 in Comedic Performing Arts
#10 in Comedy (Books)
#18 in Parenting & Families Humor

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
4,071 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the humor quirky and relatable. They also describe the book as an easy read with short chapters. Readers describe the characters as insightful, authentic, and humble. They describe the emotion as heartfelt, hilarious, and authentic.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

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HumorReadabilityCharactersEmotionStorylineTightness
75 customers mention "Humor"71 positive4 negative

Customers find the humor in the book quirky and relatable. They also say it's hardcore fun with great stories. Customers also say Tom Segura is a great standup comedian and a good dude.

"...I got audible and a hardcover. Hilariously funny, touching, insightful, emotional at times. RIP Top Dog..." Read more

"...I loved this book. Tom’s a genuine, good dude and that sentiment resonates throughout his book...." Read more

"...Tom's hilarious and he's single handedly leading the charge for Garth Brooks to come clean about the bodies. An all around good guy...." Read more

"I’m a big Tom Segura and Stand up Comedy Fan. This was a fun read with familiar stories which included new content, new content, lessons, and an..." Read more

25 customers mention "Readability"25 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read, with well-thought-out and heartwarming insights. They also say the stories are funny and different.

"...This is very easily readable and holds your attention the entire time. My only complaint is that the book wasn't any longer than it was...." Read more

"This was a nice quick read. Mostly enjoyable...." Read more

"...The writing was so well done and engaging it was hard to put the book down...." Read more

"...If you’re the slightest ymh or Tom fan just buy it and read it. It’s a quick read because you can’t put it down...." Read more

11 customers mention "Characters"11 positive0 negative

Customers find the characters insightful, relatable, and honest. They also describe the book as authentic and heartfelt.

"...I got audible and a hardcover. Hilariously funny, touching, insightful, emotional at times. RIP Top Dog..." Read more

"...his rise from comedy nobody to his current massive star status he remains humble and relatable...." Read more

"...This was a fun read with familiar stories which included new content, new content, lessons, and an incredible amount of giggles." Read more

"...He is funny, interesting, and unapologetically honest. I definitely recommend this book. I love Tom Segura's stand up; he is my absolute favorite...." Read more

7 customers mention "Emotion"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book heartfelt, touching, and insightful.

"...I got audible and a hardcover. Hilariously funny, touching, insightful, emotional at times. RIP Top Dog..." Read more

"...I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE PLEASE is hilarious, heartfelt, and a high-powered page turner. It’s so well balanced and gosh it just feels great to laugh...." Read more

"Funny, and heart-warming! The last paragraph in the first chapter had me bawling! RIP Top Dawg...." Read more

"A heartfelt, hilarious book of stories and experience written by one of the best comedians of our day! Absolutely loved it!" Read more

5 customers mention "Storyline"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the storyline great.

"...It was an easy read, very funny. It was also interesting to get some back story on Tom’s life and his rise to fame...." Read more

"...It’s a real light into before Tom was famous and the grind coming up with great stories." Read more

"A page-turning thriller that locates all the bodies, brings closure to the families, and has a real M. Night style twist at the end." Read more

"This is an amazing book. Full of stories as only Tom Segura can tell them!!" Read more

4 customers mention "Tightness"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book gripping and entertaining. They also mention that it keeps them high and tight.

"Each essay and story throughout this book is gripping and entertaining. If you are a fan of Tom and his comedy you will really enjoy his writing!" Read more

"High and tight!..." Read more

"High and tight!..." Read more

"It keeps 'em high and tight..." Read more

Hilarious AF!
5 out of 5 stars
Hilarious AF!
It's like having a piece of Tom with you at home. I could hear his voice narrating in my head and even his impression of top dog saying "hey buddy!". I promise that you are not going to want to put this book down. Love you jeans!
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Top reviews from the United States

Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars G, just tell us where the bodies are. Please.
Reviewed in the United States on August 18, 2022
Verified Purchase
SLAM DUNK, Tom! I loved this book. I was already a big fan of the author. I got audible and a hardcover. Hilariously funny, touching, insightful, emotional at times. RIP Top Dog
Some was reminiscent of my own teenage years and experiences. Some was much more detailed accounts of favorite stories amongst us mommies. A lot was totally fresh and awesome. Family life, parenting, celebrities, tennis rackets in strange places. This book has it all!
Real quick though -I feel the world needs to know just how fat Brent Kirshner is. There should have been a whole chapter on that subject. Fatsticks made it so Bunz had to write a whole book just so he could complete a sentence without interruption.
Even if you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about in half of this review. If you have only seen a bit of Tom Segura's comedy, a JRE episode, or just heard it's a dope book. BUY A COPY. You're doing yourself an injustice by not getting yourself this book. It's tremendous. I hope this lives on forever. It will in my house. I read my favorite passages to my daughter at bedtime.
7 people found this helpful
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Ryan Behrens
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome and hilarious
Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2023
Verified Purchase
I have never laughed so hard while reading a book! I have watched all of Tom Segura’s specials multiples times and recognized some stories from his stand up, but he was able to provide more detail in the book. Since I have seen his stand up, I was able to catch onto his speech cadence I’m his writing, which made this book even better knowing somewhat of how he would deliver a joke. Didn’t know how the life of stand up was, but he was able to provide his experiences and I have some new found appreciation for what they do to bring people joy! Thanks for the laughs Tommy Buns! Gonna keep my jeans high and tight with only 4 strokes.
3 people found this helpful
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Joshua
5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Read for Fans
Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2024
Verified Purchase
I thought that Tom's book of essay's was a really fun read. It was exciting to get to look behind the curtain and see how this comedy megastar we see on our screens became the person that he is. This is very easily readable and holds your attention the entire time. My only complaint is that the book wasn't any longer than it was. I couldn't put it down.
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Erin S
4.0 out of 5 stars mostly enjoyable book
Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2024
Verified Purchase
This was a nice quick read. Mostly enjoyable. I completely admit I skipped through a few sections as the story either I heard before or just lost interest. I'm actually a fan of Tom Segura, Christina P and Bert too!
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Tim Duncan
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing read
Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2024
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Funny as can be from start to finish
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Bill L.
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Funny book
Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2022
Verified Purchase
I am a Tom Segura fan. I listen to all his podcasts and podcast appearances, I watch al his standup specials and I’ve seen him perform live a handful of time. So when this book came out I, as Bert would say, 100% going to buy it. If you’re a fan of Tommy Bunz you will have heard pretty much all of the stories written in the essays in this book. It doesn’t matter if you’ve heard them, the way Tommy writes will have you laughing out loud throughout the book. The writing was so well done and engaging it was hard to put the book down. I hope this is the beginning of his writing career because it was so well done. I highly recommend people read this book for a good laugh.
One person found this helpful
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Damion White
5.0 out of 5 stars If you love Tom, you’ll love this book.
Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2023
Verified Purchase
Just one funny story after another. I loved this book. Tom’s a genuine, good dude and that sentiment resonates throughout his book. Whether he’s discussing his rise from comedy nobody to his current massive star status he remains humble and relatable. I’m glad I’ve been on the journey (as a fan) since the early days and this book was quite the reward for all those years of support. Enjoy, I know you will!
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Matt B.
5.0 out of 5 stars If you're a fan, buy it and enjoy
Reviewed in the United States on December 7, 2023
Verified Purchase
I'm a big fan of Tom so maybe I'm biased towards this book. I'm not a critic but do enjoy comedy and Tom is in my top 5 favorite comedians. Honestly I don't even read all that often anymore but couldn't pass this one up. If you're a fan of his work on the stage and have the ability to make it through a book just get it and laugh. If this was available as an audio book read by Tom I'd buy that over this just for the experience but I think it's worth it either way.
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Top reviews from other countries

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John W. Byrne
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
Reviewed in Canada on March 4, 2024
Verified Purchase
Funny and entertaining short stories. I would recommend the read to certain people, not everyone.
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Noe Alanis
5.0 out of 5 stars Debemos leer más a los comediantes
Reviewed in Mexico on July 18, 2022
Verified Purchase
Fácil. Entretenido. 2 días. Recomendado.
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DaHe
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read, love Tom!!
Reviewed in Germany on April 29, 2024
Verified Purchase
Great read, love Tom!!
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Aaron Morse
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious insight to his life.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 7, 2022
Verified Purchase
Being a fan of his comedy and podcasts I could hear his voice when reading this, and his comedy comes through with a conversational tone and an insight to his life. Fantastic read, very funny and heartwarming. Highly recommend wether you’re already a fan or not.
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Rossana Guerrera
3.0 out of 5 stars Bored
Reviewed in Italy on October 18, 2022
Verified Purchase
I dint like this book. I thought it would be better.
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