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on January 3, 2015
If you're new on the market again after being gone for a decade, you'll be inundated with dating books and game books on how to find and "catch" your partner. While I'm sure many work, as many enjoy the chase and the game, I'm not sure that's a solid basis for a LTR. I bought this book at the suggestion of a trusted friend, and it was very helpful in toning me down. I'm very connected to my feelings which makes it difficult to date. And this book taught me how to be connected but not ride every feeling, how to be authentic, how to put myself out there completely without letting rejection destroy me. Overall, if you're looking for a wholesome approach to dating, love and even other relationships, this book is great. But it's not a book on trapping and chase. It's more book on being authentic, finding an authentic partner and what to do in those moments where panic sets in.
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on April 12, 2014
What a great little book. It's a small book, at least the copy I have is, which is a used paperback from 1999. It has about 40 less pages than the description states but I actually find that to be the case with many books I get from Amazon. It's a nice size to hold in one hand and while it's a thin and easy read, there's actually a lot of great advice packed into this little book.

One disclaimer, I never buy books on dating, this is the first one, so I can't compare it with any other dating books. I got it for two reasons: 1. Although I've practiced Buddhism for many years, I have recently devoted myself more than ever and want to make a conscious effort to keep my spiritual path in mind when meeting my future partner. 2. The other reason I got this book is because I have another book by the same author that I like a lot (If The Buddha Got Stuck) and so I knew exactly what style of book this would be - casual, down to earth advice from a generally but not exclusively Buddhist perspective. It's the type of book you can open to any chapter that sounds good in the Contents and read out of order; each short chapter is an individual little gem.

The advice is sincere, touches on serious matters and yet remains lighthearted. It is definitely NOT a 'how-to' or instructional in any way. There's no advice in how to meet someone. It's more of a "where are you coming from?" theme, suggestions of things to reflect on before entering into a partnership with someone else. It helps you examine relationship mistakes from past relationships and offers simple checklists of traits you might look for in a new partner, commonalities, etc. It's exactly what I was looking for; helpful advice to contemplate now while I'm still happily single. I want to be in a healthier mindset so my future relationship will be complimentary to my spiritual path, and that's just what this book is about.

There was one review I read that says this book isn't very Buddhist oriented, that there aren't many canonical references to Buddhist scripture, and complains that a bunch of other spiritual traditions are referenced. To me, this reviewer is "missing the forest through the trees" in a huge way! The book *completely* embodies Buddhism in my opinion, every single piece of advice is consistent with Buddhist teachings, I haven't found a single thing in the book that is "un-Buddhist" in any way! No, it is not full of a bunch of scripture references from Buddhist sutras, but that wouldn't fit with the casual lighthearted style of this book and I personally wouldn't want all those references in this particular type of book. Yes, there are references and tidbits from various other spiritual traditions, Sufism, etc., but when you spend time in Buddhist Sanghas or study groups, that's common practice; Buddhism welcomes and often references any other spiritual advice that's in alignment with Buddhist ethics. In any case, that reviewer is of course entitled to their opinion, but I hate to see people get the idea that this is not Buddhist oriented because it absolutely is. It's just not done in a very blatant, overly obvious manner. I think this is a good thing, so others who may be "spiritually-minded" but not specifically Buddhist can still fully enjoy this book. So keep in mind, it's not a book about Buddhism, no. But it's a book about dating from a Buddhist perspective.

I really enjoyed this book and found the advice to be sound and smart. Like a good friend, or a counselor, offering excellent suggestions. I will return to this book again and again.
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on January 3, 2015
I really enjoyed this one. Lots of good advice for keeping the whole dating thing in perspective as well as being kind and compassionate to those we come in contact with and ourselves. It's difficult and scary to be vulnerable and honest when putting oneself out there and this book really gives a lot of insight into checking our motivations, handling rejection, respectfully telling others when we're not interested and so on. One of the few books I've read on dating that actually offers sound advice and doesn't encourage playing games, being manipulative, or treating one another like we're from different planets.

Oh! But it is slightly outdated and talks about placing ads in newspapers and doesn't really mention online dating, but the info and everything still applies.
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on March 14, 2016
Purchased this book many years ago. I can recall loving it so much that I turned around and purchased copies for all of my single friends!! It was a kind and insightful way of looking at dating and being single.

Not long after reading this book and distributing it to my friends I ended up meeting my husband (and we are now expecting our first child). Allowing myself to open up to honest dating helped me to see the possibilities in not only my husband but myself. I highly recommend this book to anyone out there who is looking to explore a better way of being single and dating.
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on April 28, 2013
This book is incredible. I am amazed. Basically, this book is about how to be in a romantic relationship without losing yourself. It's all about integrity, dignity, and it is just amazing. I plan to study this book, I have only read it so far. This book is for anyone who has a history of or confusion with boundaries in relationships and a tendency to make another our HP. Really, for anyone that has had a history of being addicted to relationships and/or sex. I think everyone I know could get something out of this book. I am also amazed at the authors insights. This is about spirituality, not science. Science has evidence, proof, this is just the authors ideas, beliefs, experiences, but it is truth. Might be one of the best books I have ever read. And, since it's not science, it's not going to change tomorrow when anther research experiment is complete and gives us yet again, totally contradictory information about how the world works. This book can cross cultural boundaries, it's universal truths. Blah blah blah, I can go on. Buy it!
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on January 26, 2018
My friends have been telling me to read this book for over a year, and after an intense break up that was going back-and-forth, I got desperate and read this book. It was exactly what I needed!! Super practical, and incredibly helpful in writing some stuff out that I needed to think about. I highly recommend it before the break up! LOL
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on November 16, 2016
This is a wonderfully concise, and deceptively simple, treasure chest of wisdom for those of us seeking meaningful relationships. There is MUCH self-transformation to be found, along with spiritual wisdom and (my favorite) numerous quotes by Rumi. I find this book to be an extremely valuable resource for ALL human relationships, not just the romantic ones. A must-have book, to be kept and re-read many times, as we grow and change over our lifetimes.
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on June 17, 2015
I have come back to this book through several relationships and breakups, and I always find something insightful and interesting to consider out of Charlotte's writing. The book is funny and doesn't take itself too seriously, and a few of the exercises were very enlightening to me. Actually do the exercises - write them on paper and see what comes out. I also enjoy that this book emphasizes self improvement and growth (the best revenge is to live well, and happily!) - a good lesson and thing to work on regardless of relationship status or desires.
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on March 9, 2018
So many great insights. I bought this for a friend, after I read this I met my husband. I was in such a good place that the love I had came from within, not looking for someone to full me but rather meet me in their own ability to love and find balance.
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on July 24, 2015
This is a great book! "The more we commit to knowing and accepting ourselves, the more we are able to surrender to loving another person because we have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. Our spiritual truth and integrity creates a safe harbor within us... regardless of the outcome." It's so important to be true to our path as we devote ourselves to a relationship. Acceptance as we face our ego to surrender to loving ourselves ad others. I love this book and would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to love consciously.
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