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If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can Resist Mass Market Paperback – December 31, 1996

4.3 out of 5 stars 175 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Do you want your wife to: - understand you? - appreciate you? - be more responsive sexually? - support you during hard times? - admire you? - share your interests? - listen to what you have to say?

About the Author

Gary Smalley was one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He was the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Silver Medallions. His national infomercial Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.

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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan; Revised edition (January 13, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310214785
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310214786
  • Product Dimensions: 4.2 x 0.6 x 6.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (175 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #46,877 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Mass Market Paperback Verified Purchase
My wife and I separated in June of '10 after fourteen years & 3 kids. She was done with me. Her friends and relatives were done with me. I was devasted.

I must have bought 15-20 books during the next few months searching for an answer to recover my marriage.

To my dismay I found there are very few books out there that address recovering failed a marriage. The vast majority talk about how to "move on" and accept what happened. I didn't want any part of those books. Of those that advocate recovering, most come from the Christian community, so I bought them all, even though I do not consider myself a Christian in the usual sense.

This book was one of several standouts - deeply touching, sincere, non-dogmatic, and emminently practical. The other standouts are two books, another by Gary Smalley: "Winning Your Wife Back Before it's Too Late" and Gary Chapman: "Hope for the Separated; Wounded Marriages Can be Healed". Most of the other Christian books struck me as too dogmatic, guilt-oriented or rigid in their approach.

I studied these books continually while we were separated, practicing what they said, and re-reading random chapters for solace and hope when times got tough. Finally after 4 1/2 months, my wife could no longer resist the kindness, patience and sincerity I showered on her that were coached by these books. We reunited in October. I'm happy to say, my marriage is thriving now after 5 months back together, due almost entirely to the new perspective and behavior I learned from these books. I continue to practice what I learned and it keeps my marriage healty.


Do what these books say. You don't need to be religious. Don't make excuses - change yourself. Your life will change and your wife WILL change. It worked for me, and probably would not have without this philosophy.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback Verified Purchase
My husband and I own both of these books. They really are best if you read them together: If Only He Knew (for the guys) and For Better or for Best (for the gals). I have reccomended these books to many people. I believe they help improve communication in marriage (and also other relationships!) so that you learn how to be a better partner in the relationship.

I have been reading many of these reviews. The people who were helped by it, were helped greatly. The people who did not like the content of the book, all seemed to feel that the book shouldn't be telling them what THEY need to change to improve their marriage. Look guys! There are TWO books! One for the man and one for the woman. The woman's book tells her what SHE needs to change to improve her marraige with her husband, what SHE needs to do to understand his needs, and communicate with him on his level. The man's book tells him what HE needs to do to improve his marriage. What HE needs to do so his wife will understand him. If the man's book told the reader what his wife needs to do to change, how exactly would that help??? He is supposed to be looking for answers to how HE needs to change, what HE needs to do, how HE can take action to repair past mistakes and plan for a happier future. Only you can change your own actions, you can not change your spouse. If you are reading the man's book then I think it should be telling the reader what the man needs to know and what the man can do to change. Yes, sometimes the author uses extreme examples. Sometimes the examples will look nothing like your life. Sometimes, they might resemble your life a little too closely that it makes you uncomfortable. You may not benefit frome very single chapter in the book.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback Verified Purchase
When my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce and that she had no connection with me whatsoever, I was completely crushed and surprised. I love her dearly and started searching for literature to help me work through the situation. I ran across this book and was blown away by the revelations it brought forth concerning my past actions and behavior. I come from a rather long career in the Marine Corps, which pretty much sucked every ounce of compassion and tenderness out of my soul. This book opened my eyes to the blindness I had grown into over the past 17 years of our marriage. I had in fact sucked the joy out of my wife and kids without even knowing it. Never again will I allow Satan to blind me so with all of life's distractions (Work, Work, Work, Big house, Nice Cars, Work, Work, Work).

This book is for men seeking to understand their illogically perceived wives who seem to live in la la land instead of reality. After reading this book, my perception of my wife is that of complete understanding and my perception of myself is that of remorseful shame.

I wouldn't recommend this book for women, because just like us men, women will not connect with a lot of the material presented as it is written from the man's point of view.

Also, there have been some reviews that state this book is out of date concerning feminism. I would have to disagree, as this book is based on Biblical principles that are timeless. Christian readers who are firmly grounded in God's word will see through the comments made on this site by others who do not understand Biblical doctrines concerning marriage. It is a shame, because I fear they will probably end up going through with divorce instead of working through their issues according to Biblical principles.
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