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Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions Paperback – May 1, 2018
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A few years ago, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie received a letter from a childhood friend, a new mother who wanted to know how to raise her baby girl to be a feminist. Dear Ijeawele is Adichie’s letter of response: fifteen invaluable suggestions—direct, wryly funny, and perceptive—for how to empower a daughter to become a strong, independent woman. Filled with compassionate guidance and advice, it gets right to the heart of sexual politics in the twenty-first century, and starts a new and urgently needed conversation about what it really means to be a woman today.
A Skimm Reads Pick ● An NPR Best Book of the Year
- Print length80 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherVintage
- Publication dateMay 1, 2018
- Dimensions4.4 x 0.3 x 6.3 inches
- ISBN-100525434801
- ISBN-13978-0525434801
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From the Publisher
Editorial Reviews
Review
“I love this book so much, for many reasons. Chimamanda is one of my favorite authors.” —Amber Tamblyn, GQ
“Adichie epitomizes and epistolizes our potential in Dear Ijeawele." —Sloane Crosely, Vanity Fair
“Personal and urgent. . . . Adichie is passionate about equality. Her new book offers 15 ways that we can encourage girls to be strong, to plant seeds of feminism. But more than that, Adichie hopes the book will help ‘move us toward a world that is more gender equal.’ Doing so means knocking down ingrained assumptions about how men and women think and behave.” —The Washington Post
“Adichie’s suggestions are logical and stated clearly, full of her dry wit, and range from the obvious (‘Do it together’) to the bold (‘Reject likeability’). . . . As much as this is a book written to mothers of daughters, fathers of daughters would benefit from reading it, too; parents in general would do well to try to raise children who won't have to grow up and read it at all. . . . Powerful and life-affirming, offering wisdom for everyone.” —The Village Voice
“Adichie has partly written Dear Ijeawele to reclaim the word feminism from its abusers and misusers. Her advice is not only to provide children with alternatives—to empower boys and girls to understand there is no single way to be—but also to understand that the only universal in this world is difference. Adichie is a brilliant novelist and a serious thinker, and she is also someone who makes no apology for her own trivial interests. Her understanding of feminism is intertwined with her understanding that we all want to be more than one thing.” —The Guardian
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
When a couple of years ago a friend of mine from childhood, who’d grown into a brilliant, strong, kind woman, asked me to tell her how to raise her baby girl a feminist, my first thought was that I did not know. It felt like too huge a task. But I had spoken publicly about feminism and perhaps that made her feel I was an expert on the subject. I had over the years also helped care for many babies of loved ones; I had worked as a babysitter and helped raise my nephews and nieces. I had done a lot of watching and listening, and I had done even more thinking.
In response to my friend’s request, I decided to write her a letter, which I hoped would be honest and practical, while also serving as a map of sorts for my own feminist thinking. This book is a version of that letter, with some details changed.
Now that I, too, am the mother of a delightful baby girl, I realize how easy it is to dispense advice about raising a child when you are not facing the enormously complex reality of it yourself.
Still, I think it is morally urgent to have honest conversations about raising children differently, about trying to create a fairer world for women and men.
My friend sent me a reply saying she would “try” to follow my suggestions.
And in rereading these as a mother, I, too, am determined to try.
****
Dear Ijeawele,
What joy. And what lovely names: Chizalum Adaora. She is so beautiful. Only a week old and she already looks curious about the world. What a magnificent thing you have done, bringing a human being into the world. “Congratulations” feels too slight.
Your note made me cry. You know how I get foolishly emotional sometimes. Please know that I take your charge—how to raise her feminist— very seriously. And I understand what you mean by not always knowing what the feminist response to situations should be. For me, feminism is always contextual. I don’t have a set-in-stone rule; the closest I have to a formula are my two “Feminist Tools” and I want to share them with you as a starting point.
The first is your premise, the solid unbending belief that you start off with. What is your premise? Your feminist premise should be: I matter. I matter equally. Not “if only.” Not “as long as.” I matter equally. Full stop.
The second tool is a question: Can you reverse X and get the same results?
For example: Many people believe that a woman’s feminist response to a husband’s infidelity should be to leave. But I think staying can also be a feminist choice, depending on the context. If Chudi sleeps with another woman and you forgive him, would the same be true if you slept with another man? If the answer is yes, then your choosing to forgive him can be a feminist choice because it is not shaped by a gender inequality. Sadly, the reality in most marriages is that the answer to that question would often be no, and the reason would be gender-based—that absurd idea of “men will be men,” which means having a much lower standard for men.
I have some suggestions for how to raise Chizalum. But remember that you might do all the things I suggest, and she will still turn out to be different from what you hoped, because sometimes life just does its thing. What matters is that you try. And always trust your instincts above all else, because you will be guided by your love for your child. Here are my suggestions:
first suggestion
Be a full person. Motherhood is a glorious gift, - but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that. The pioneering American journalist Marlene Sanders, who was the first woman to report from Vietnam during the war (and who was the mother of a son), once gave this piece of advice to a younger journalist: “Never apologize for working. You love what you do, and loving what you do is a great gift to give your child.”
I find this to be so wise and moving. You don’t even have to love your job; you can merely love what your job does for you—the confidence and self-fulfillment that come with doing and earning.
It doesn’t surprise me that your sister-in-law says you should be a “traditional” mother and stay home, that Chudi can afford not to have a double-income family.
People will selectively use “tradition” to justify anything. Tell her that a double-income family is actually the true Igbo tradition because not only did mothers farm and trade before British colonialism, trading was exclusively done by women in some parts of Igboland. She would know this if reading books were not such an alien enterprise to her. Okay, that snark was to cheer you up. I know you are annoyed— and you should be—but it is really best to ignore her. Everybody will have an opinion about what you should do, but what matters is what you want for yourself, and not what others want you to want. Please reject the idea that motherhood and work are mutually exclusive.
Our mothers worked full-time while we were growing up, and we turned out well—at least you did; the jury is still out on me.
In these coming weeks of early motherhood, be kind to yourself. Ask for help. Expect to be helped. There is no such thing as a Superwoman. Parenting is about practice—and love. (I do wish, though, that “parent” had not been turned into a verb, which I think is the root of the global middle-class phenomenon of “parenting” as one endless, anxious journey of guilt.)
Give yourself room to fail. A new mother does not necessarily know how to calm a crying baby. Don’t assume that you should know everything. Read books, look things up on the Internet, ask older parents, or just use trial and error. But above all, let your focus be on remaining a full person. Take time for yourself. Nurture your own needs.
Please do not think of it as “doing it all.” Our culture celebrates the idea of women who are able to “do it all” but does not question the premise of that praise. I have no interest in the debate about women “doing it all” because it is a debate that assumes that caregiving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and caregiving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can “do it all” but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home.
Product details
- Publisher : Vintage
- Publication date : May 1, 2018
- Edition : Reprint
- Language : English
- Print length : 80 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0525434801
- ISBN-13 : 978-0525434801
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 4.4 x 0.3 x 6.3 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #65,200 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #70 in Feminist Theory (Books)
- #73 in General Gender Studies
- #320 in Sociology Reference
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE grew up in Nigeria. Her work has been translated into more than fifty-five languages. She is the author of the novels Purple Hibiscus, which won the Commonwealth Writers’ Prize; Half of a Yellow Sun, which was the recipient of the Women’s Prize for Fiction “Best of the Best” award; Americanah, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award; the story collection The Thing Around Your Neck and the essays We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions. Her most recent work is an essay about losing her father, Notes on Grief, and Mama’s Sleeping Scarf, a children’s book written as Nwa Grace-James. A recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship, she divides her time between the United States and Nigeria.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this book to be a wonderful quick read filled with wisdom and thought-provoking insights. The writing style is brilliant, and one customer notes how the author explains complicated ideas simply. Moreover, the book effectively reimagines gender-based attitudes and provides excellent information and advice. Customers appreciate its unapologetic and concise nature, with one noting the careful word choice, and find it easy to read.
AI Generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book to be a wonderful and quick read, particularly suitable for mothers.
"Great read! It was an evening read for me and I recommend this book!" Read more
"Great book. Easy to read. So very well written and organized. I was looking for something like this for the longest time...." Read more
"...It’s a quick read, but filled with lots of wisdom and depth to resonate long after you are done reading." Read more
"Quick, simple and easy read on a very important topic. I am recommending this book to everyone. It needs to be read, over and over" Read more
Customers find the book full of life lessons and great advice, with one customer noting how the wisdom is presented in a simple and applicable way.
"This is an engaging, to the point, accessible read...." Read more
"Thought provoking. I do not agree with everything says but it allows you to critically think...." Read more
"...Brilliant. Insightful. Witty. Powerful. Fun" Read more
"...The chapter on how early we need to do this was eye opening and thought provoking." Read more
Customers praise the writing style of the book, describing it as brilliant and well composed, with one customer noting how the author suggests different ways to raise girls.
"Beautifully written, simple and clear, important and helpful. Adichie lays out the tenets of feminism in a perfect format for new parents...." Read more
"...She is a wonderful writer." Read more
"...Well written, beautiful book." Read more
"Beautifully and thoughtfully written. Appropriate for parents of both girls AND boys!..." Read more
Customers find the book informative and powerful, with one customer noting that the author does a good job of explaining complicated ideas simply.
"...The advice that is in the book is practical and thought-provoking- and it is perfect for every young woman...." Read more
"...have to do this or your stupid"; it was very gentle and informative." Read more
"Thought provoking, useful, empowering..." Read more
"...Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie offers a deeply personal yet universally relevant guide on raising a child to embrace gender equality...." Read more
Customers appreciate the feminist perspective of the book, which reimagines gender-based attitudes and provides good insights. One customer notes it's particularly suitable for those just beginning to explore feminism.
"...A central theme is the dismantling of gender roles...." Read more
"...It is very practical and presents feminist theory as something to be lived, not just discussed, so it serves as a handbook as well as a book of..." Read more
"This "how to"book is great! The ideas on how to raise a feminist are great...." Read more
"A thoughtful examination of gender roles in Nigerian Igbo society...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's pacing, finding it sensible, concise, and unapologetic, with one customer noting that the words are carefully chosen and deceptively simple.
"Concise and to the point. I like it. 👍🏾 Her suggestions make sense and are, dare I say, LOGICAL. Ijeawele, you lucky duck!..." Read more
"This is a gentle, kind, delightful look at how to be a good human being, from the lens of a loving Auntie who wants the best world for her friend's..." Read more
"Very simple, concise, straight to the point and hopeful piece of writing. Recommended to anyone who wants to end up a little bit smarter that before." Read more
"...It's brilliantly simple, gentle but direct, unapologetic, and earnest...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's compact size.
"Short and sweet. This book changed the way I've thought of feminists...." Read more
"The book is very informative and short. It gets to the point. Taught me so much that I didn’t know and will pass on to my daughters and siblings." Read more
"A short book that everyone should take out the time to read, both men and women. Very impressed by the clarity of thought." Read more
"...I matter equally. Full stop." This book is a very small book (65 pages) with very important messages...." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and appreciate its simple presentation.
"Simple and Beautifully Written concepts for the modern day feminist. It felt like a conversation with an old friend...." Read more
"Quick, simple and easy read on a very important topic. I am recommending this book to everyone. It needs to be read, over and over" Read more
"Nice and easy read for some inspiration...." Read more
"...Its simplicity is its strength, making it a must-read for parents and anyone committed to a more equitable world." Read more
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How to Raise a Feminist - The Definitive Guide
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2024Format: KindleVerified PurchaseIn Dear Ijeawele: A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie offers a deeply personal yet universally relevant guide on raising a child to embrace gender equality. Written as a letter to a friend seeking advice on raising her daughter, Adichie blends poignant storytelling with incisive social critique, crafting a work that is both accessible and profoundly impactful.
A central theme is the dismantling of gender roles. Adichie emphasizes the importance of teaching children that "gender is not an indicator of ability" and encourages questioning societal norms that perpetuate inequality. Her advice to empower girls by prioritizing self-worth over societal expectations is both timely and transformative.
Reading this book reshaped my understanding of feminism, highlighting the subtle ways gender biases manifest in everyday life. Adichie’s candid examples—from language choices to the division of domestic labor—compelled me to reflect on my own actions and assumptions.
While the book’s conversational tone makes it engaging, its brevity sometimes leaves certain ideas underexplored. Readers seeking more depth may find themselves wanting additional context or examples.
Overall, Dear Ijeawele is an inspiring and practical guide for fostering equality. Its simplicity is its strength, making it a must-read for parents and anyone committed to a more equitable world.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2017Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseSpend $10 to buy this book right now. It's brilliantly simple, gentle but direct, unapologetic, and earnest. It took me a mere 15 minutes to get halfway through it this morning while getting ready for work, and now I'm itching to get back home to finish it. EVERYONE should read this book and it MUST change the way you interact with all those you love: women, men, girls, and boys alike.
When I hear the word feminism, I think, "Oh, to be a feminist I have to be really in-your-face, angry, on a pointed mission, purposeful about flouting cultural norms, and anti-men." I know I'm wrong... but that's unfortunately the ingrained association I have with that word, and thus I've always felt unfit to call myself (or even to aspire to be) a feminist. Yet of course I want to set an amazing example for my children of how to be an unstoppable human being -- is that "in spite of" being a woman? is it "because" I'm a woman? is it because I am who I am, which is a lot of different things?
In the span of a few pages, Adichie swiftly opens my eyes to a completely different definition of what it means to be a feminist: feminism is about being empowered, educated, authentic, and tenacious. Who wouldn't want to live in a society in which ALL individuals felt they were on equal footing to demonstrate those attributes?? I'm only halfway through this book and yet my spirits are renewed and my hope that I truly can make a difference is revitalized.
Read this book... and then pass it on to everyone you love.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 31, 2018Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseMy coworker and friend gave me this book when my twin daughters turned 5 - more of a birthday present for me, I suppose. I read this book in an hour, and refer back to it often, reading even a few age appropriate lines to my girls, now alomost 8.
This book is derived from a letter the author of the book Ms. Adichie wrote her friend, Ijeawele, when Ijeawele had her first baby. Ijeawele reached out to her friend for advice on raising her daughter. Among the 15 beautifully packaged pieces of advice Ms. Adichie gives her friend, the following themes resonated with me. I've taken the liberty of paraphrasing in my own inartful way.
-Be a full person yourself, but ask for help when you need it.
My interpretation: Don't be ashamed to work outside the home. Your kid will be fine.
-Raise your child together with your partner - women shouldn't be relegated just to the female roles.
My interpretation: You are both equal parents. Dad doesn't need a standing ovation when he changes a diaper - he should be doing this.
-"Because you are a girl" is never a reason for anything. Ever.
No interpretation needed.
-Teach her to reject likeability. Teach her to be brave, kind and to stand up for herself.
My interpretation: "You do you!" Being kind, brave and assertive are not mutually exclusive things.
Overall, lots of very good advice in an easily readable format.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 25, 2017This is an engaging, to the point, accessible read. It is very practical and presents feminist theory as something to be lived, not just discussed, so it serves as a handbook as well as a book of feminist theory. Parents will find this the most useful as it sets out Adichie's feminist beliefs surrounding gender roles and how patriarchy affects children, but I enjoyed it as well. It does not get bogged down with technical jargon - Adichie skillfully simplifies complicated theory into more accessible language.
My only criticism is that it does occasionally move into cissexist territory, and knowing Adichie's beliefs surrounding trans politics, I would recommend people to keep this in mind when they read it.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 26, 2025Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseGreat read! It was an evening read for me and I recommend this book!
Top reviews from other countries
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Alessandra C.Reviewed in Italy on July 10, 20195.0 out of 5 stars Consiglio a tutti di leggerlo!!
Adoro questo libro, si può leggere tranquillamente in un'ora o anche meno. È bellissimo.
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MimCullReviewed in Spain on November 5, 20185.0 out of 5 stars Indispensable
Libro de ágil lectura, súper-interesante e indispensable para cualquier persona que quiera educar a los más pequeños en unos valores cívicos, democráticos y justos.
Feminismo del sentido común.
NataliaReviewed in the Netherlands on May 27, 20255.0 out of 5 stars Perfect book for everyone, adults and kids
Perfect book for everyone, adults and kids no matter the gender or age
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Nina RosalesReviewed in Mexico on November 23, 20195.0 out of 5 stars Un libro que todos deberíamos leer
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseSi me preguntaran qué cosas cambiaría sobre cómo fui educada desde niña, pediría que lo hicieran así como propone Chimamanda. Me parece una reflexión bastante significativa sobre lo que significa, para otros y para una misma, nacer mujer. Me encantó la manera de abordar ciertas cuestiones, de visibilizarlas y de plantear una formación diferente. Quisiera que hubiera profundizado más en ciertas cuestiones, pero igual pienso que la extensión favorece el ritmo de lectura.
amysreading_nookReviewed in the United Kingdom on September 20, 20205.0 out of 5 stars Should be a required reading.
I picked this one up after reading "We Should All Be Feminists" and loving it, so I definitely thought I needed to give this one a go.
I think the main thing I love about this book is that it started off as a letter to her friend on how to raise a feminist daughter; the book evolves slightly from that but essentially at it's core it is that letter. It's the sort of letter that I wish I was given growing up, that I wish everyone is given growing up. We aren't asking people to be perfect or non-judgemental, we're just asking people to have opinions and question things and just try to be a little bit better. I love the way that Adichie writes; there is something that is so effortless and the writing just flows.
I especially love the messages in this book about the language we ascribe to fathers "helping out" or "babysitting" - please see biggest eye roll from me ever. It is one of my biggest hates when fathers say they are babysitting their own children... you cannot babysit your own child. So much of what she writes I relate too, and I just want to go and explore the rest of her writing.



