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David J. Ley

Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them Paperback – January 16, 2012

by David J. Ley (Author)

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This enlightening work investigates the history, incidence, and causes of a unique sexual lifestyle pursued by increasing numbers of couples. It is called by many names, and lived in a variety of ways by different couples. The most common terms used to describe it are 'hotwife' or 'cuckold lifestyle.' This sexual practice, a form of sexual nonmonogamy, is distinguished from swinging and polyamory in that the husband rarely seeks sexual contact outside the marriage except for participation in group sex with his wife and other men, while the wife is permitted and often encouraged to pursue unrestrained sexual encounters with other men. The author includes interviews and comments from couples living the lifestyle throughout the U.S., and presents the stories in an attempt to determine the history of this sexual practice and its role in society and in relationships. He explores the psychological, social, biological, and evolutionary underpinnings of this uncommon and socially taboo behavior in an effort to make it more comprehensible to those engaged in the lifestyle and those who are just curious.

Print length

312 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Publication date

January 16, 2012
Dimensions

5.64 x 0.85 x 8.86 inches
ISBN-10

9781442200319
ISBN-13

978-1442200319
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Consensual nonmonogamy is bursting out of the closet, gaining wider attention from therapists, researchers and the larger public. One particular kind of nonmonogamy, the hotwife/cuckold dynamic, shows how some people express and explore their sexuality by taking a less-trodden path. This book serves as a great introduction – not just in providing some important basic information and a meaningful context, but by emotionally accompanying the reader who might be taking their first intellectual steps in understanding the hotwife / cuckold dynamic or understanding consensual nonmonogamous sexuality in successful long-term relationships. -- Richard A. Sprott, Ph.D., executive director of CARAS (Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities); co-author, Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities

What is most compelling is not the sexual titillation, found aplenty in this book, but being taken along on Dr. Ley's clinical journey, exploring controversial aspects of sexuality. -- Carole Lieberman, M.D., M.P.H., Psychiatrist and Bestselling Author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them

Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley's survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication. ― Publishers Weekly, Web Exclusive Review October 2009

Recommended. ― Choice Reviews

Insatiable Wives is an intimate, erudite exploration of the "hotwives" or "cuckold" phenomenon.... The book is well-written and well-researched.... It's engaging enough to be a "beach book" (the cover will get you some odd looks from the next towel over) and substantive enough to serve as an excellent sexological resource after you've shaken the sand from its pages. ― Contemporary Sexuality

Ley has written a valuable and important book. Regardless of what your values and preferences may be, this book is thoroughly engrossing and impressive in its thoughtful, disciplined, informative approach. Western culture and psychological theories have led us to think that no man will tolerate his wife having sex with other men, but this book shows that in fact such practices have existed across cultural and historical boundaries. Some men not only tolerate but positively enjoy the amorous adventures of their wives. The mixture of history and science, anecdote, and interview makes this a truly remarkable book. Anyone interested in the range and breadth of human sexual activity, whether from personal curiosity or professional interest, will find this well-written and carefully researched book to be enlightening and entertaining. -- Roy F. Baumeister, professor of psychology, Florida State University

Very informative and is suitable for individuals interested in the topic of sexuality and the history of sexuality. ― Metapsychology Online

About the Author

David J. Ley, Jr. is a Clinical Psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, NM. He is Executive Director of New Mexico Solutions and Director of Clinical Development at River Valley Consulting.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1442200316
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Rowman & Littlefield Publishers; Reprint edition (January 16, 2012)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 312 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781442200319
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1442200319
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.64 x 0.85 x 8.86 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #155,471 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #67 in Medical Psychology of Sexuality
- #196 in Psychology & Counseling Books on Sexuality
- #471 in Sex & Sexuality

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David J. Ley

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David J. Ley Ph.D.

Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Dr Ley earned his Bachelor's degree in Philosophy from Ole Miss, and his Master's and Doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the University of New Mexico. Dr. Ley provides clinical and consultative services in numerous states and has provided consultation and media interviews around the world.

Dr. Ley currently serves as Executive Director of a large community behavioral health agency in Albuquerque. Dr. Ley has been treating sexuality issues throughout his career. He first began treating perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse, but began to expand his approach to include the fostering and promotion of healthy sexuality, and awareness of the wide range of normative sexual behaviors. Insatiable Wives was his first book and won a Silver Medal in the Foreword Magazine Book of the Year contest for 2009. His second book, The Myth of Sex Addiction, triggered a firestorm of controversy nationwide, and has led to a growing movement against the pseudoscience and moralizing of the sex addiction industry. Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure, is Dr. Ley's third book. It was written in an accessible, generally-available manner, to assist men in informing themselves about porn use, and is meant to combat the modern fear-based porn-panic.

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3 star		10%
2 star		4%
1 star		6%

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Howard_a

Eye opening research on female sexuality

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 17, 2022

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There are many alternative lifestyles to choose from, this surprised me quite a bit, because we are trained to think that women have lower sex drives than men. This was a real eye opener. The research work is second to none. I love the many historical references and the up to date references from the internet. I'm so glad he did this book to bring our secrets like these, hidden from us plain vanilla people. Phenomenal read that I will revisit.

2 people found this helpful

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William R. Todd-Mancillas (Name includes hyphen and camptalized M)

Men Who Want to be Cuckolded and Their Complying Partners

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 12, 2014

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This book is actually inaccurately titled, as it is the men who convince their partners to explore multiple sexual partners, with the provision that the men watch or experience vicariously (through photographs, film, or partner's description) the details of these extra-primary-relationship couplings. Thus, the book should be titled Insatiable Husbands rather than Insatiable Wives. In any event, this is a fascinating introduction to an important sexual phenomenon, which is qualitatively different from conventional understanding of what is derisively referred to as "wife swapping," which is informatively explored in Gould's "The Lifestyle."

The book's content is informative, provocative, and even penchant. However, the organization of this material is somewhat disjointed. The chapters could be sequenced in a more logical manner so that understanding builds systematically from one major idea to the next. The chapters on history and literature, for instance, might be presented earlier in the text so that the reader achieves a cultural and historical grounding in the phenomenon before considering its current manifestations and pragmatics.

I am also a bit disappointed that the references are spotty. Most of the key references are documented in the bibliography, but not all. I depend on bibliographies to locate additional pertinent information, and it is a bit of a nuisance to do so on only skeletal in-text references.

However, at the very least this is an interesting, much needed contribution to the sexuality literature and is certainly accessible to the general reader as well as an important reference for specialists.

40 people found this helpful

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Just Me

Insatiable

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 30, 2010

Verified Purchase

It's hard to review this book for me objectively. I was actually hoping for some steamy reading and this really doesn't do it. However it is a very well written book for what it is. There were a number of interviews with husbands and wives that explored why they do what they do. Most of these were very interesting but almost in a clinical way. That being said I did enjoy these interviews. However the book does get bogged down in several areas about the history of infidelity with famous women from the past. The problem is that a lot of the past is from ancient history which was rather tedious for me. Many of these people, I had no clue who they were so it didn't hold my interest. This almost reads like a text book in many ways.

One very nice thing are the various websites that are used for reference. Wow there are some really cool kinky sites this booked referred me to. That alone made it worthwhile for me, in that I really enjoy the cuckold lifestyle. It's a good book but just know that the author has included a lot of history as reference to polyamory. I very much agree with the thought that women should be allowed to have as many partners as they like, regardless of if they are married or not. We men should bask in the glory of being able to serve them the way they deem fit.

24 people found this helpful

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D_Bear

I don't know?

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 9, 2016

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Being a male in my late fifties and married twice, both for 14 years I can see possibility ? I spent both my marriages wondering why my wife did not enjoy sex as much as I did . Did everything I could to have her relax , savor , feel, explore, fantasy our intimate love making together . Nothing worked as much as I wanted and I just wanted them to be fulfilled . Maybe they were and I wasn't ? They said to me and others that they loved me . But sex , great sex was less than I wanted and I wanted more . I wanted to be fulfilled. I needed them on the same level . The same need of fulfilment. Could variety with excitement with other men raise their level of desire ? Possible !

Would like to of read more authentic factual stories and statistics on actual couples doing this type of lifestyle . Fantasy and reality are certainly different ! Not convinced that this happens that much in reality .

5 people found this helpful

Helpful

Eric Maroney

Outside the Tradition

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 28, 2013

Verified Purchase

Despite the salacious title and subtitle, Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, is actually a very balanced, fair, and honest look at the complex role female sexuality plays in our culture and men's reactions to it.

Research David Ley has provided a very broad study of what is traditionally known as cuckoldry, from historical, biological, evolutionary, and social frameworks. These are a great many categories to marshal, but Ley manages to give us a view into each with great skill.

His overriding message may be that this phenomenon is far more complex than we envision. There are interlocking issues of female sexuality and choice, male power, control, and lack of control, and a mix of complex drives which make heterosexual couples make non-traditional sexual choices.

He is also very correct in pointing out that non-traditional couple arrangements are usually denounced from a social or religious outlook, and not from the evidence of scientific studies. This book aptly shows how hard science must work to break free of our taboos and prejudices.

6 people found this helpful

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old Colonel

Great Explanation

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 25, 2020

Verified Purchase

Here in the twenty first century with the changes in women's behavior, this book should be required reading for every man before marriage. The most important part for me was the explanation about how a man can not only tolerate being a cuckold partner or husband but actually get pleasure from being a cuckold. The explanation that cuckold husbands have a permanent brain chemistry change is important to know about. Also, the explanation about "sperm wars" as the reason for the great sex experienced by a cuckold when his wife returns filled with another man's sperm. If your wife is insatiable buy this book.Kudos to the author.

12 people found this helpful

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Marcus Davis Jr

Women who know what they want

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 15, 2021

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I love these stories. These women have values that most men desire. They’re powerful, and go for what they want/need. I bow at the feet of this kind of lady.

4 people found this helpful

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NYPTBLUE

Celebrating the Woman

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on January 9, 2019

Verified Purchase

Well researched and excellently written. Definitely suggested reading for anyone interested in this lifestyle. As well as those students of Anthropology, Sociology, Psychology, History and Literature. The book encompasses all these disciplines plus more. Very insightful as it is interesting.

One person found this helpful

Maksym

Fantastic book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on January 1, 2017

Verified Purchase

This book is a great unbiased research into one of the many ways long term relationships can continue to excite. Intertwining theory with real couples experiences works really good.

One person found this helpful

Browntrout

very good

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on July 20, 2017

Verified Purchase

very good

Fabio Santi

Carino

Reviewed in Italy 🇮🇹 on July 31, 2020

Verified Purchase

Sapevo che era un libro scritto da un professionista, ma alcuni passi sono un po' troppo "parrucconi" e pseudo-liberal ed annoiano un po". Nel complesso comunque è carino.

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Kudos

Interesting perspective on alternative lifestyles

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on September 21, 2013

Verified Purchase

This book provides some interesting insights into alternative lifestyles for married couples. Other than the anecdotal evidence from the couples the author interviewed the book also includes some historic references and is a good book to further the readers understanding about this subject in general.

One person found this helpful

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