- Paperback: 273 pages
- Publisher: Hunter House (January 20, 2000)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0897932773
- ISBN-13: 978-0897932776
- Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 0.8 x 8.8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 81 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #184,815 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be Paperback – January 20, 2000
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"What should you ask someone before you get seriously involved?" Eve Eschner Hogan wondered while she was starting a long-distance relationship with her future husband, Steve Hogan. Intellectual Foreplay is designed to spark stimulation and interest through intimate communication. "Like its physical counterpart, [it] can build excitement and desire--or quickly reveal a lack of compatibility, saving you months, or even years, of developing a relationship that isn't going to work," say the authors.
It's an interesting concept: questions to ask to determine compatibility or just get to know a lover or potential lover better. The book starts with "Who Are You?" questions covering a myriad of topics, such as self-esteem, values, hobbies, trust, romance, spirituality, health, and time management. Other sections include "Where Did You Come From?" (past, family, friends, education, and intelligence), "Where Are You Going?" (money, work, and future), "Can We Live Together?" (home, household responsibilities, food, bathroom, pets, vehicles, garden), and "Where Are We Going?" (vacations, holidays, children, wedding, and sex). Some questions will strike you as significant and others as unsubstantial--choose the ones that intrigue you. Tips for using the questions productively are peppered throughout the book. For example, figure out your top 20 "non-negotiable" questions and answer them yourself before asking them of a partner. It's an interesting spin on relationship deepening, and will certainly spark conversation. --Joan Price
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It really is not for those in the earlier stages of a relationship, it doesn't really apply to long -distance relationships very well at all. As my boyfriend and I soon learned. There are questions that can be answered hypothetically and you can gain some insight to your partner that way. Other questions are just not applicable to long distance relationship.
For those reasons I would highly recommend the book to some couples and not so much for others.
Whether on a first date, rearing children, empty nesters, or helping others (such as your own children) go through the process of communicating and sharing your thoughts and feelings as to what is important to you and your future, this book is a great tool.
I got this for my wife, and my three teenage girls for Christmas. I even brought it out at our family Christmas party and read through some of the questions and EVERYONE was interested(even my parents!)
I was mostly considering this book for the girls as I want them to be thoughtful in the relationships they choose. I don't want them to "fall in love" and then "fall into divorce" like I did because we weren't compatible.
Even if you are already married (as I am again), you can read together and discuss what is important to each other.
A definite must for EVERYONE!
I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone in a relationship, or wanting to be in a relationship.
This book is not only useful for "interviewing" prospective partners. As a tool for getting to know the people in your life better, this book provides questions that help you find commonalities with co-workers, friends, family, activity partners, etc. I found "Intellectual Foreplay" to also be a good way for me to know myself better- to evaluate my own goals and ideals - by asking myself some of the questions Eve Hogan has compiled.
Can you live life without this book? Do you already ask a lot of these questionsof people anyway? Sure. But a good book doesn't always rewrite everything we do - hopefully it simply improves it.