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It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy Paperback – Unknown format, September 5, 2006
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From Greg Behrendt, the co-author of the smash two-million copy bestseller He’s Just Not That Into You, comes It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.
There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. Starting right here, right now, it’s time to dry your tears, and open this book to Chapter One–and start turning your breakup into a breakover.
The ultimate survival guide to getting over Mr. Wrong and reclaiming your inner Superfox. From how to put yourself through “he-tox,” to how to throw yourself a kick-ass pity party, and reframing reality— seeing the relationship for what it was. Complete with an essential workbook to help you put your emotions down on paper and heal.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarmony
- Publication dateSeptember 5, 2006
- Dimensions5.21 x 0.62 x 7.93 inches
- ISBN-109780767921961
- ISBN-13978-0767921961
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“Insightful, been-there-have-the-scars-to-prove-it wisdom.” —New York Post
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
IT’S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE IT’S BROKEN
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAHHHHHHH! F***, it hurts. It’s rocking the very core of your being. You never saw it coming. You knew this was going to happen. You were going to do it first. You only broke it off with him before he broke it off with you. You guys were supposed to be together forever. You never liked him that much anyway. He was such a great kisser. The sex wasn’t that great. You really liked his family. He hated your friends. You hated his shoes. You miss him soooooo much. There’s no doubt about it–breakups suck. And now here you are holding this stupid “Breakup Book” because, quite honestly, you’d do anything not to feel like this and maybe this book will shed some light on what you’re going through. Maybe you’ll get some sleep tonight. Or stop sleeping all the time.
In these first few hours or days or weeks of your breakup, there’s one all-important truth that you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’ t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It’s over for a reason, and even if you’re in denial about it, deep down inside you probably know what that reason is. Even if you feel baffled by his decision to end it, it boils down to the same thing every time: Your relationship, despite its promise, has ceased to be right for one or both of you. It is, in effect, broken. That doesn’t make the breakup any easier to handle or change the overwhelming nature of the sadness that you feel. But that sadness, in turn, doesn’t make it less broken. If you’ve reached this point, where one or both of you feel that walking away is the best course of action, the cracks are there. And starting today, you’re not the kind of woman who settles for broken or hangs on to damaged goods, be it a radio, a pair of shoes, or a relationship. Your life is not a yard sale. It’s time to get rid of all the broken stuff that you’ve been lugging around for days, months, and maybe even years, and make the bold decision to start looking for stuff that works. The bright, clean, simple, easy, runs-so-smoothly-I-don’t-even-have-to-think-about-it kind of works. Being the first one to recognize that a relationship isn’t a match doesn’t win you any great prize—just the guilt of having to hurt someone’s feelings. So even though you are clearly wounded, getting out of this broken relationship is the best thing possible, even if you didn’t know it was broken until now.
“But some things can be fixed,”you say. True, but can your relationship be fixed? Anything is possible, but we’d say probably not. Generally, if one person thinks that the breakup is the right move, they’re probably right even if it feels so wrong. Because unless there are two people putting on the coveralls and getting down in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a fierce determination, it isn’t going to happen. Need more convincing? How about this: The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, “No, thanks. I’ll try my luck elsewhere.” Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn’t a match made in heaven and they’re not worth donning coveralls for. Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.
Right now, your mind is probably working overtime to come up with all the reasons that you should still be together. Your heart is hurting and your mind wants to find a way to undo the pain. Just remember, though, that any reasons you come up with are ultimately irrelevant. The harsh reality is that even if you have everything else in common, the one thing you don’t have in common is the belief that this relationship can work. That, my friend, trumps your shared love of puppies, The Dave Matthews Band, and Mexican food.
It’s hard not to rack your brain, searching for reasons why the two of you couldn’t make it work, but sometimes the only real answer is the simplest one: People come together and move apart. It’s the age-old ebb and flow of relationships. Some are shorter journeys, and others were meant for a lifetime. That goes for friendships as well. We become attached to what’s familiar and sometimes we hold on to things that are safe and predictable even if they’re bad for us. A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different than how you liked them, fear of never finding another love, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We’re afraid of the unknown. The answer to all the questions swirling in your head—What will I do on weekends? Will I meet someone else?—is “You won’t know until you get there.” That’s hard, and it’s scary. But for the moment, you need to concentrate on what you do know—that you and he no longer share the belief that your relationship has a future. It’s broken, and the longer you stay stuck in a dead-end relationship or spend your days mourning one, the less time you get on this planet to experience a great one.
So take a deep breath, steel yourself, and realize that this is going to hurt for a while. There is no quick remedy for the powerful sting of heartbreak, though we’re going to try to make it easier for you throughout the book. You’re going to feel like crap head to toe and run the gamut of emotions. Edgy, moody, angry, depressed, nauseated—you name it. In fact, the amount of time it takes for you to start feeling great about yourself again is directly proportional to how much it sucks right now—especially if you weren’t the one who broke it off. Because at the end of the day, someone you loved, trusted, and valued has rejected you, and that really smarts. It’s hard to not take it personally. But—and here’s the important part—the fact of the matter is, they’re wrong about you. Just because your relationship is broken doesn’t mean you are! No matter what happened between you, no matter what you may or may not have done wrong, you are still a kick-ass person. And even though you might not believe it right now, this breakup is the fi rst step toward finding someone truly worthy of your greatness.
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions
But how can a relationship just break with no warning?
Dear Greg,
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and have always had the perfect relationship. We moved in together last year and he started talking about getting married, having kids, the whole deal. He even took me to look at engagement rings a few weeks before Christmas, so naturally I assumed what would be under the Christmas tree for me. Since I thought I was getting an engagement ring, I maxed out my credit card to buy him a plasma TV for Christmas. Well, Christmas morning comes and he was shocked when he opened the plasma TV. But that was nothing compared to the shock when I opened his gift—a cashmere sweater and a necklace! What? Then, the next day, he tells me he’s not sure “I’m the one” and he thinks I should move out and we should take a break so he can figure some things out!! Now he’s got the apartment and the plasma TV that I’ll be paying off for the rest of my life. I’ve tried to remind him of how good we were together and that getting married was his idea, but he just keeps apologizing and telling me he needs time apart. How can somebody go from wanting to marry you to not even wanting to talk to you for no reason? What can I do to make him realize that we should be together?
Please write back.
Marla
Dear Plasma Giver,
First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married. (My grandmother used to say that.) A lot of men think once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend. Sounds like your boy-friend’s one of them. The truth is that if he’ s going to come to the conclusion that you guys should be together, he’s going do it on his own. There’s nothing you can do to make him want to be with you, and more important, want to marry you. One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationships just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning. What blows even more is that you were completely blindsided—even though the relationship was broken on his end, he had clearly led you to believe you were in the same place emotionally. What a shitty new reality for you to get your head around now. But the sooner you do, the sooner you can get your head around this great new thought: HEY, SUPERFOX, YOU ARE HEADED SOMEWHERE FABULOUS AND THERE ARE GREAT POSSIBILITIES AHEAD. You should also let him know that the proper etiquette is that if a girl breaks off an engagement she should give back the ring. If a man breaks up with you, he should give back the TV.
But why didn’t he just break up with me instead of making me do it?
Product details
- ASIN : 0767921968
- Publisher : Harmony; NO-VALUE edition (September 5, 2006)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9780767921961
- ISBN-13 : 978-0767921961
- Item Weight : 7.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.21 x 0.62 x 7.93 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #56,787 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #401 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #463 in Marriage
- #481 in Love & Romance (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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About the authors

Get more at www.actuallyamiira.com. Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt took to writing after retiring from the music business at a young age with little hearing left to speak of. Along with collaborating with her husband Greg Behrendt on “He’s Just Not That Into You” they have co-written “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken”, "It's Just A F***ing Date" and the forth coming "How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking" (July 2018) and "We Used To Be In Love, Now We Work Here" (Jan. 2019). Amiira and Greg also have the popular behavior and relationship podcast "Maybe It's You" while Amiira whittles away at her first novel. Amiira lives in Los Angeles with her husband Greg, their two ridiculously incredible children and too many dogs. She may or may not have been raised by spies.

Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents..., The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.
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Now that I have said that...I thought this book was terrific. Whether you dislike Greg using the word Superfox or not...the book was insightful, funny, compassionate and didn't offer the same platitudes or psychobabble that one encounters in other books of this genre.
Greg and Amiira did not write this book from some lofty ivory tower. They have been in the trenches like a lot uf us. Greg drank and chased after his ex until he finally saw the light at the end of a very long tunnel and got into AA.
Amiira was married and while not as destructive as Greg...her pain, misery [and sleepless nights] are nearly as poignant as Greg's.
I have read this book three times and found something new to hold on to each time I read it.
Some of the elements I particularly liked in this book start with the questions to Greg and his answers...sometimes tart ["how about pretending not to be completey crazy" he says to one woman in the throes of...well..acting completely crazy] were always enlightening.
I also enjoyed "The Best Worst News", and "What I Did Wrong" where Greg and Amiira share...what they did wrong.
"Psycho Confessionals" was actually great fun to read because while a lot of us have gone off the deep end when we are going through a break up...not all of us have gone to the extent some of these women have. I have offered up a silent prayer of thanks that while I thought I might go nuts...I never showed up at his door acting like it.
One very smart idea that Greg and Amiira came up with was after giving advice on what you should do in the recovery proces... and while you are in the midst of moaning to yourself that you can't possibly do that...they offer up "How The Hell Am I Supposed To Do That" because they understand exactly how hard it is.
My story ends a little differently because my boyfriend and I actually got back together. But here is where the book is a treasure for another reason. Instead of spending my time when I am not with my boyfriend...obsessing about my boyfriend [something I have done in every past relationship] I am using all the breakup rules they have as if we had really broken up and have re-connected with old friends...started exercising again and am completely re-organizing my life...all off which had fallen completely by the wayside as my concentration was centered around him.
If my boyfriend and I had not gotten back together...I would have been able to handle it without going completely to pieces [after I initially went completely to pieces] and the fact that we have gotten back together...I am now handling the relationship and my life differently...thanks to this book.
In my opinion...this is the definitive book on breaking up and I would like to thank both Greg and Amiira for helping me tremendously both during during the break up and how I have handled myself since.
So to my surprise...this book actually works on more then one level.
I went through a breakup earlier this year that broke my heart, and I pretty much chased him for the last 5 months to no avail.
I think our continued hangouts helped create a better foundation, but it didn't get me what I wanted in the end...him.
I wanted to read something to help me put things in perspective about my thoughts, potentially his thoughts and what one must do to move on.
I wanted something fun and cheerful, and this definitely delivered! One of the most important aspects of this book is the authors's honest accounts of their own experiences. I felt like they were giving us their complete selves when describing their heartache and mindset, and I totally appreciated that. They really want you to understand that they get it. They get that this is very difficult-- that you don't understand why this is happening to you, you were blindsided, he acted like everything was OK, why did he act like everything was OK, could I have changed anything, can I win him back..? Etc, etc.
We all have those questions rolling around in our heads that drive us bonkers.
This book does not take away from the actual pain that we feel after learning we no longer have that one person we cherish so much.
SO!
They detail some encouraging and practical advice on how to work on ourselves while going through the pain. No one is telling you harshly to get over it...but reminding you that you'll get through it!
You'll also get additional stories from other readers that will remind you that the experience could have been worse..LOL
I laughed a few times while reading, and I felt refreshed and motivated once I'd completed this book.
It's still hard, but it's nice to know I can read words of encouragement when I'm feeling blue.
Let us smile!
:)
Top reviews from other countries
I’ve now been out of a relationship that ended suddenly and confusingly for just under a month. I was totally into the guy and thought everything was going well. (One of those, yep.) When I bought the book, I was admittedly already on my way to healing (at least managing to get out of bed for work, sleep for more than 4 hours a night, talk about things other than my ex, and not cry at absolutely everything). I had also been following the no contact rule, staying healthy, etc, but I wanted a boost. Something to validate my pain whilst giving me direction and encouragement. A tool to keep me on track.
The book is semi-instructive, which is exactly what you need after a breakup. Too much analysis only pulls you into your own thoughts; instruction gets you focused on creating change and taking responsibility.
Each chapter in the first section focuses on different negative post-breakup behaviours — from substance abuse and ex-stalking to focusing too much on the good times — and presents the advice needed to avoid or alleviate these via: an overall summary, “letters” from other women, and accounts from the authors of their own experiences. The mix of formats is good fun.
The second part of the book helps you put all that advice into practice with a kind of action plan.
If you’re really, really grieving and need to just be there right now (I did for those first two and a half weeks), maybe you won’t be ready for this. Buy it anyway for when you are so you can reach for it straight away. And if you’re already healing like I was, go for it. It’s so easy to consume.
Hats of to the authors for getting the tone spot on for their audience.
Enjoy and good luck xx
And this book opens your eyes in ways that no other book does:
Most books about breakups are written by women, who don't really understand men - lets face it.
Then, there are all those horrible "win your ex back" books with questionable manipulation strategies that will only prolong your already unbearable suffering. Forget all that.
For me, it was important to understand the male perspective. So i bought this book.
Yes, it was published in 2006 and might be a bit "old fashioned" sometimes. Someone else mentioned earlier "it's too american" (i don't need to be called "hot superfox" every few pages) but hey, its funny.
Greg is VERY direct (while being funny at the same time) and this is good: because the sooner you accept the reality the sooner you are ready to MOVE ON and not be stuck in the past.
Examples of Greg's eye-opening sentences:
If you think "He was THE ONE". Greg's answer to that is: He wasn't The One because he chose to leave you. The right person will choose you over and over again.
If you are thinking of all reasons why you should still be together. Greg's answer to that is: The person you loved took a long good look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship and said 'No thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere'.
Dear ladies out there, accept the reality, focus on yourself and your wellbeing, move on. This shall pass.










