|Digital List Price:||$9.99|
|Print List Price:||$14.95|
Save $6.96 (47%)
It's Called "Polyamory": Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships Kindle Edition
|New from||Used from|
Kindle Feature Spotlight
"The Other Woman" by Sandie Jones
“The Other Woman is an absorbing thriller with a great twist. A perfect beach read.” ― Kristin Hannah, #1 New York Times bestselling author of "The Great Alone" Pre-order today
Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Customers who bought this item also bought
Would you like to tell us about a lower price?
Top customer reviews
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
If you're already out of the polyamory closet, as I am, there are still some helpful tips and things to think about, but not as much value as there is for someone who is still closeted. It is also a book to have in addition to other works about polyamory - it's NOT a "how-to-poly."
Re: the book itself - I bought the paperback version, and I love that it is ethically printed on paper certified by the Rainforest Alliance, et al. I did not like the small font size - probably done to save on pages; yeah, saving the earth! but it was visually challenging to read in this format. I wish now I'd bought an e-version with scalable font.
The narrative text was supplemented with real-life stories that helped bring that point or dynamic to life. Overall, I recommend for people who are new to polyamory OR long-timers who thinking of coming out.
A Powerful Awareness of Intersectionality
The authors are aptly aware of the fact that to take on the poly label is to take on yet another stigmatized identity if the individual is a person of color, lower class economic standing and/or additionally identifies outside of the gender binary or within the Queer umbrella. The authors are sympathetic to these issues and stress the importance of assessing the risk of coming out holistically, applying the context of their identity to their specific culture. Each story of coming out as poly is presented within the context of that persons race, orientation, and gender identity so that the reader can better understand the person behind the story.
Acceptance of Mistakes
Sexuality and romance are difficult paradigms of the human experience and people will make mistakes. The authors stress the importance of falling forward and learning from mistakes by owning up to their responsibilities. Controversially, this is expressed through their treatment of those who violated to agreements of their existing relationship(s) through cheating. Within the poly community cheating is perhaps the ultimate taboo, and the authors defy this stigma by suggesting that we extend sympathy, understanding, and compassion to all parties involved in the affair(s) and use the situation as an opportunity to grow rather than an opportunity to shame. This is a powerful demonstration of sympathy that ought not be overlooked within, and without, poly circles.
Honest about Risk
Tamara and Rebecca note that the poly community has "unconsciously, to a large degree" mirrored the patterns of the gay rights movement and the pressures to come out that come with that style of activism. Consequently, it is important to remember that there are very valid reasons to choose to stay in the closet with respect to the complexity of an individuals circumstances. The authors are honest about the risks involved in coming out and extend sympathy to those who choose to not be transparent in their sex and romantic endeavors.
The stories at the end of each chapter regarding the coming out process are honest and diverse in terms of outcomes. One story might demonstrate someone suffering such intense prejudice you may wonder if coming out is worth the risk and by the end of the next story you'll be leaping out of your seat excited to come out and to be accepted for who you are. Although I have some experience with poly groups in San Diego where I was born and raised, I now live in Peoria, IL for school and lack the context of community to better understand this aspect of my life, the stories of successful poly people are really inspirational and the resources in the back of the book are presented well enough to promote the connection and cultivation of community for those who may by choice or circumstance be disconnected from other poly folks.
As a whole I think that this work positively affected the way I assess risk and return in the coming out process. Having made many of the "classic poly mistakes" in my short but intense poly career, I greatly appreciated the advice that this book gives to those who might be new to the scene and lost in terms of how people might perceive them so that they may avoid mistakes in their own lives. That said, this book functions well both as a text to be read in its entirety and as a reference from which to seek inspiration and guidance later on. Whether coming out (or not coming out) as polyamorous, gay, lesbian, transsexual, a-sexual, or any sex or gender minority, the information between these pages offer important advice and lessons about how to more effectively communicate with loved ones and to be prepared with more realistic expectations.