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It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak into Happily Never After Paperback – January 31, 2017
The 30 Best Self Help Books
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"Did she really just write that? OMG, she totally just wrote that....Downright shocking." (USA Today)
"[Dorfman's] delivering plenty of surprising (and some disturbing) details." (Cosmopolitan)
"[Andi] doesn't hold back..." (Huffington Post)
About the Author
Before she was a New York Times bestselling author, Andi Dorfman starred on Season 10 of The Bachelorette and was a finalist on Season 18 of The Bachelor. She is currently living—and dating—in New York City. She is the author of It’s Not Okay and Single State of Mind.
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Top Customer Reviews
Imagine if a man explained that he was fairly certain one of his two finalists was not “the one” but said he took home “the dud” to meet the family anyway in order to “set the benchmark low” and make the other finalist look better by comparison.
Let’s switch the gender around in some of her quotes and imagine a man saying this stuff:
“I realize exactly what I need to do…_____ HER! Figuratively, literally, symbolically, raunchily, all of it…”
“There are very few things, if any, in this world that carry more power than sex. It is one of the greatest sources of temptation, the easiest way to mind-____ a WOMAN, and if you do it right, the most rewarding revenge imaginable.”
“After all, what says ‘____ you,’ to a WOMAN louder than literally ______ HER?”
“There is absolutely no reason to stick around after the job is done. No sleeping over, no cuddling in bed next to HER…The moment the deed is done, come hell or high water, you are to immediately put your clothes back on and get the hell out of there.”
Andi writes, “I should be able to have sex when and with whom I want to, just as a man.” But with that should come respect for partners (and being truthful) because sex has always had the potential to lead to emotional pain.
Andi’s “advice” sounds like it could come straight from the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine:
--“Look good, feel good.”
--“My mood for the entire evening can be dictated solely by my outfit. Bad outfit equals bad mood. Good outfit equals party time.”
--“If there’s any hope of that [finding another man], whatever is happening to your body, whether it’s hairy legs, a few extra pounds, a few too many pounds lost or grown out roots, can’t happen. A broken heart is no excuse for a muffin top.”
-- “I’m up a size and down some pride.” (From size 4 to 6)
--And don’t forget that Brazilian wax. Cosmo girl informs us that it is a necessity.
OK, being a young woman in your 20s in the dating scene is going to mean caring about your looks. Nothing wrong with that, and it can be fun. But no woman needs the pressure of this perfectionism.
Andi told Nick that whatever happened between them should have remained private. Then she writes this book, providing plenty of details about private matters.
Andi was greatly offended when Nick used a crude word in the fantasy suite to characterize what they were doing. Then she uses that same four-letter word repeatedly in this book, sometimes placing the word “mother” in front of it.
Andi was taken aback when she saw a flash of Josh’s anger during the Bachelorette season. But Andi is the one who went on a tirade against Juan Pablo.
Andi informs us that a breakup is harder than death or disease. But anyone who has buried a loved one, faced a cancer diagnosis, or gone bankrupt while fighting (years) for disability benefits would disagree.
Instead of writing an advice book, Andi is sorely in need of some advice herself:
--Stop obsessing about your outward appearance and start fixing the ugly on the inside.
--Stop thinking about drinking the same way a college freshman does. Get control of your drinking, and if you can’t, get some help.
--Continue to be strong and independent, but treat the men in your life with the same respect, consideration, and honesty you would want them to show you. Don’t use feminism as an excuse for being mean and nasty.
--Expand your vocabulary. There are lots of words and combinations of words in the English language that are more powerful and eloquent than profanity.
I won’t deny the book was interesting. I read it quickly, just as I would blow through a bag of potato chips. It fills in the gaps and answers the question: Why did that seemingly happy couple, whose romance unfolded before us, end up in yet another Bachelor/Bachelorette break up?
The book does show how even a strong, independent woman can find herself staying in a relationship with a suspicious, jealous, controlling man. The portrait she paints of Josh is very unflattering; but Andi doesn’t come off looking very good, either. I agree completely with one of her observations:
“I didn’t feel worthy of the attention. It wasn’t as if I was a person with talent to be admired, or performing a service to making the world a better place. Instead, I was just a random girl who had made out with multiple men on national television.”
Branded as an "anti self-help" book (whatever that means), this collection of ramblings sounds more like a drunken voicemail message from a recently-dumped girlfriend than a cohesive memoir (let alone a self-help book or juicy tell all). Under the guise of "being honest," Andi hurls half-inflated jabs at Number 25 (Nick) and Number 26 (Josh), but her evidence falls flat: Josh called her a whore and was a controlling meathead (wow, never would have guessed...), Nick was awkward in bed and had a lame apartment (the only way you could make this intel any juicier, is if you printed this book on a giant piece of Juicy Fruit gum, then wrapped it around a cherry flavored Starburst and ate it at the Men Tell All: When the Cameras Stop Rolling special).
The book sucked. I don't know what she was going for, but it was awful. As a writer, she comes off as drunk, wildly arrogant, and obliviously unfunny. Disappointed readers have already shared the teeny tiny little morsels of gossip this book provided. The other 310 pages are Andi talking about Gilt sales, fake group text transcripts, bragging about how she spends her dad's money on clothes and shoes, and her post-breakup diet of Chinese takeout and microwave popcorn.
Edit: I've noticed that a handful of fake "5 star" reviews have popped up overnight. I also see superfan (or maybe relative / friend) "Carrie" has been accusing any detractors of harboring "sour grapes" against Andi. Honey, the only "sour grapes" here are the ones that went into the $5 bottle of wine that Andi choked down when she was writing this crappy diary. Get a life.
Not only was it very poorly written, but I came out losing all respect for Andi. I was a fan of her before, but this book just exposes how narcissistic, immature, and hypocritical she is. Grow up, woman. You are not a feminist.