- File Size: 1723 KB
- Print Length: 406 pages
- Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
- Publisher: Adele Frizzell; 2 edition (March 27, 2017)
- Publication Date: March 27, 2017
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B06XWXM6K8
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#67,396 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
- #5 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families
- #9 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families
- #151 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
|Print List Price:||$20.95|
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It's Not You, It's Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart Kindle Edition
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Top customer reviews
Recently, I discovered that Sophie Winters had published a revised edition, so I purchased it and read it immediately, eager for the refresher on its contents, but also to see what changes had been made. I can honestly say that this edition is even better than the one it replaced, and that my partner and I gained great advise and insight on our "second pass" through the book.
The title is witty and substantive, and it sets the tone for clever, insightful and useful content in the book itself. I recommend this book not only for those contemplating a relationship or facing issues in their relationship, but also -- and perhaps MORE SO -- for those already well into what they consider a perfect relationship. I'm 24 years into a happy, fulfilling relationship, and I didn't see myself as needing outside advice. But after reading the first few chapters, I had already gleaned an array of insights, and I recognized the book's potential benefit to my own relationship. The contents are comprehensive and well-organized, and the writing style flows smoothly, like a conversation. Each & every chapter contained at least one "eye opener" for me, and each chapter ended with suggested tasks that proved worthwhile.
The result? My relationship with my partner is now better than ever. We were happy, but we had fallen into a complacency -- and we had simply come to accept certain behaviors and interactions that gradually developed over two decades. We had settled comfortably into our relationship. INYIU brought us a fresh perspective and gave us the tools to unravel & mend a myriad of "little issues" that had silently crept into our relationship over a period of decades. It was the catalyst for our having meaningful conversations. We were both reminded of the natural tendency to take each other for granted, and INYIU brings those little issues front & center, along with advice for dealing with them in a constructive & productive manner.
For those already in a relationship, consider this book as a guide to "scheduled maintenance." We had been on autopilot for so long, I had forgotten that a relationship is a living, evolving thing, one that rewards you when you nurture it and pay mindful attention to it. INYIU helped us work our way through our long-overdue scheduled maintenance. Its contents meaningfully address a wide range of issues that crop up in a relationship, and we found the tasks to be fun and useful in addressing problem areas.
I experienced many "epiphanies" about my own behavior, and through proactive communication with my partner, I discovered some unfortunate cues I had missed or assumptions I had made. The tasks suggested in the book have gone far in restoring my partner's self-esteem and enabling me to step away from a perfectionist mentality and from nagging, seemingly little words & deeds that had far-reaching consequences that I had not recognized or understood before.
My partner & I discussed each chapter and performed the recommended tasks, and as a result, we experienced positive outcomes that weren't even anticipated. Funny thing to resolve a problem you didn't even realize you had! One example in the context of shared duties: For years, I've done the laundry. Early in our relationship, we shared the duty, but over time, it fell to me. During our discussion related to that chapter, my partner pointed out that in the past, every time he folded the sheets, I would go behind him and refold them so that his "wadded bundles" would have crisp corners and a flat, even surface. Ultimately, he stopped doing the laundry altogether, but it wasn't out of laziness; it was because I'd made him feel he wasn't doing a good enough job. (I also inherited the job of loading the dishwasher, ultimately because I was always going behind him and rearranging the dishes.)
The laundry story is just a TINY but meaningful example of a conversation sparked by INYIU. This was such a healthy, productive process for us, opening conversation & dialogue on such a wide range of subjects. Our relationship has a renewed vitality & strength as a result, and going forward, we intend to make an annual practice of reviewing & renewing. Apparently, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. This book taught me several.
I love reading, but I'm judicious about what I spend my time reading. A book must entertain me or enlighten me, or I don't consider it worth reading. It's Not You, It's Us proved to be both entertaining and enlightening. I wholeheartedly & unequivocally recommend it to anyone with a genuine desire to enjoy the most fulfilling relationship possible, whether it's to prepare yourself for a future relationship, or to give you an effective tool to assess your current relationship and breathe new health & vitality into it.
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