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Its Not Your Fault: Why Childhood Trauma Shapes You and How to Break Free Paperback – September 12, 2023

by Alex Howard (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 145 ratings
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This powerful self-help book will change the way you see your past and transform the way you live now.

Do you struggle to find happiness in yourself or in your relationships? Do you have issues with your physical or mental health such as fatigue, anxiety, sleep problems, addictions or depression? Do you feel emotionally numb, or are you unable to truly feel your emotions? You are not alone. And maybe you need to stop blaming yourself.

We are all affected by our early experiences – both good and bad. But for many of us, the patterns of our younger years have damaged us as adults, leaving us unable to truly feel or form lasting positive relationships with ourselves and others.

As children, we're dependent on those around us to meet our emotional needs for us – the need for boundaries, safety and love. When these key needs go unanswered, the template for good mental health in adulthood is not properly formed. As adults, we can learn to meet these needs for ourselves, and to break free from a life of unnecessary suffering. Doing so doesn't just heal the impact of our past, it also helps us unlock our true potential in life.

Childhood trauma will continue to trap us throughout our lives if we don't seek to confront it. Drawing on his own healing from childhood trauma and his clinical work with thousands of patients, Alex Howard sets a clear path to understanding your own unique blueprint from childhood and then provides a clinically proven reset plan for healing.

It's Not Your Fault will help you to understand your trauma and heal its impact, build better boundaries and connect to your emotions to create healthy and fulfilling relationships.
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  1. Print length
    272 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Hay House UK
  4. Publication date
    September 12, 2023
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 0.76 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1401975151
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1401975159
  8. See all details
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Popular Highlights in this book
What are popular highlights?
Previous page
  1. By living on edge in anticipation of future trauma events which may never occur, we create our own vicious cycle of suffering.
    Highlighted by 136 Kindle readers
  2. We have three core emotional needs – boundaries, safety, and love. If these emotional needs are met by our caregivers during our early development, and in time, we’re taught how to meet them for ourselves, they help us to develop a kind of resilience that will significantly reduce our likelihood of being traumatized as we journey through life.
    Highlighted by 134 Kindle readers
  3. So much of what we struggle with in life comes from a deep sense of inner shame and judgement.
    Highlighted by 119 Kindle readers
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From the Publisher

It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault

It's Not Your Fault

It's Not Your Fault

It's Not Your Fault

It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault

Editorial Reviews

Review

The beauty and value of Alex Howard’s book is that he speaks from his personal story. He had support to transform and transmute his own trauma, which led him in the direction of developing the clinical expertise to help thousands of people and to writing this book to reach even more. His joy in life and depth of knowledge make him a trustworthy guide to your own liberation from the past.
- Gail Larsen, teacher and author Transformational Speaking: If You Want to Change the World, Tell a Better Story

Alex Howard has done it again! It’s Not Your Fault is a book that will benefit everyone, though the reader will feel it was written specifically for them. Alex addresses a complex topic with empathy and understanding while providing tools to navigate the impacts of past traumatic experiences.
- Andrea Nakayama, Functional Medicine Nutritionist, Educator and Speaker

It’s Not Your Fault is a candid and refreshingly honest journey into the wounds and emotions we do everything to NOT feel and the powerful path through to the freedom we each desire for our future. It’s Not Your Fault is an essential, practical, and living read for anyone with a human body, emotions, chronic illness, or in the chaos of escaping emotions. Alex Howard squarely places himself among the giants with It’s Not Your Fault, where he brings Mind-Body Medicine from an idea to life with heart, stories, and vulnerability. Readers will feel the book almost describing their own inner life and be provided with one of the best modern composed prescriptions combining different modalities that actually works. I recommend this book to all those seeking healing!
- Dr. Aimie Apigian, Founder and CEO of Trauma Accelerated Healing

Heartfelt, powerful, and brilliant – this could be the best book on trauma I’ve ever read. It combines good science on the neuropsychology of trauma, personal stories, and tons of useful methods. Alex Howard provides a new comprehensive framework to move this field forward. Clearly and beautifully written, it carries the reader along quickly, with useful insights, warm encouragement, and practical tools on every page. A gem.
- Dr. Rick Hanson, New York Times best-selling author of Hardwiring Happiness and Resilient

It's Not Your Fault is a powerful book with an important message – our trauma is not our fault, but it is possible for us to heal. Through his two decades of clinical experience, Alex has developed powerful and easily accessible frameworks that will help you not just understand how you have been shaped by childhood trauma, but most importantly how you can heal from it.
- Peter A. Levine PhD, author of Healing Trauma

Therapist Alex Howard has written a beautiful, informative and kind book on recovering from trauma. He writes in easy-to-understand, empathic language so that you are drawn into this vital subject. Alex’s message is that your pain and trauma are gateways to healing. It’s Not Your Fault teaches you to reset your nervous system, develop emotional resilience and practise loving self-care as past trauma heals and you emerge into a happier and more satisfying life.
- Judith Orloff MD, author of The Genius of Empathy

About the Author

Alex Howard is a therapist, and the founder of The Optimum Health Clinic (OHC), one of the world's leading integrative medicine clinics. www.alexhoward.com

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hay House UK (September 12, 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1401975151
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1401975159
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.76 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 145 ratings

About the author

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Alex Howard

Alex Howard

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Alex Howard is Founder & Chairman of The Optimum Health Clinic (OHC), one of the world’s leading integrative medicine clinics specialising in fatigue. With a team of 25 full time practitioners supporting thousands of patients in 50+ countries, the OHC team have pioneered working with patients remotely since 2004.

Alex has published academic research in publications such as the British Medical Journal Open and Psychology and Health, and is the author of 'Why Me?: My Journey from ME to Health and Happiness' and 'Decode Your Fatigue: A clinically proven 12-step plan to increase your energy, heal your body and transform your life' (publication October 2021)

Alex is creator of the Therapeutic Coaching methodology, and since March 2020, has been documenting his therapeutic work with real life patients via his In Therapy with Alex Howard YouTube series. In the last few years, Alex has created some of the largest online conferences in the health and mind–body markets; including the Fatigue Super Conference, and the Trauma & Mind Body Super Conference. Alex’s online conferences have been attended by over 350,000 people.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
145 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book inspiring, insightful, and informative. They say it draws them in and is beautifully written in layman's language. Readers also mention the subject is excellent and brilliant therapy.

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4 customers mention "Inspiration"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very inspiring, insightful, and informative. They say it draws them in and has an excellent subject.

"Very inspiring, insightful, and informative...." Read more

"This book draws you in and even though I’m a Social Worker it’s beautifully written in layman’s language...." Read more

"Hands Down The Most Brilliant Therapy No Matter What You've Been Through Trauma Wise & Beyond!..." Read more

"Excellent subject!..." Read more

4 customers mention "Language"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well-explained, easy to read, and beautifully written in layman's language. They say the information is simple, straightforward, and deep.

"...can easily grasp the simple, straightforward, and deep information provided in this book. Now I understand why I was so “squirrely” growing up! Hey!..." Read more

"...draws you in and even though I’m a Social Worker it’s beautifully written in layman’s language...." Read more

"This book is right on point and I intend on using it to counsel people from all walks of life." Read more

"Very well explained… a must to read!" Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Dr. Terrence L House
5.0 out of 5 stars Traumatic Therapy in Print
Reviewed in the United States on September 25, 2023
Verified Purchase
Very inspiring, insightful, and informative. The book was written in a manner that even a novice like myself can easily grasp the simple, straightforward, and deep information provided in this book. Now I understand why I was so “squirrely” growing up! Hey! It wasn’t my fault!
11 people found this helpful
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Ettaj59
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy Read
Reviewed in the United States on November 14, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book draws you in and even though I’m a Social Worker it’s beautifully written in layman’s language. Will have my trauma affected clients read it so we can have open discussions.
8 people found this helpful
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Nyamekye
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read
Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2024
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This book is right on point and I intend on using it to counsel people from all walks of life.
One person found this helpful
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LF
5.0 out of 5 stars Hands Down The Most Brilliant Therapy No Matter What You've Been Through Trauma Wise & Beyond!
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2023
Verified Purchase
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Alex Howard's "It's Not Your Fault" is nothing shy of brilliant! OMG... This is the missing piece we've all been looking for in Therapy that seemed to evade our grasp. I highly recommend this to anyone starting their journey as well as those who've been in therapy for years & CBT, Mindfulness & even EMDR just aren't cutting it. I also highly recommend complementing this with The Reset Program if you are able to do so. This is to Therapy what Health & Wellness is to General Medicine. It's organic, you can do it & you will be able to have shifts & heal no matter what trauma you've experienced including PTSD by doing this work.
23 people found this helpful
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S. Delucca
5.0 out of 5 stars good info
Reviewed in the United States on May 17, 2024
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Childhood trauma has been a freadful part of my life. This book is helping me put things in perspective
One person found this helpful
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Sandra I Lopez
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent subject!
Reviewed in the United States on September 12, 2023
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Very well explained… a must to read!
3 people found this helpful
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JB
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book on trauma
Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2023
This book if full of helpful and easy to understand practices to implement into your life. This books helps me feel seen, heard and understood. It helped me understand covert trauma which I experienced far more and always dismissed since it wasn't more horrific kinds of trauma that others experienced.
5 people found this helpful
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Melody's servant
5.0 out of 5 stars Got me thinking right from the start! I’m taking my
Reviewed in the United States on October 3, 2023
I am still working through the book, and so far it’s excellent. I’m taking my time with it because I’m spending time with each exercise he gives to explore ourselves and our past. I’m finding the inner work I’m getting out of the book provides great insights and information to discuss with my counselor. So I’m getting a double benefit.
10 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Lynda
5.0 out of 5 stars Truth
Reviewed in Canada on October 4, 2023
Verified Purchase
I’m reading this book right now, it’s a very readable and self exclamatory book. Anyone who is struggling with depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue should buy this book. Explained in terms that everyone can understand. Thanks to the author .
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Kj
5.0 out of 5 stars It's not your fault
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 7, 2024
Verified Purchase
Amazing book ,couldn't put it down.
Best self help book I have ever read .
Thank you
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AlexZ
5.0 out of 5 stars Deeply informative and deeply moving
Reviewed in Germany on October 6, 2023
Verified Purchase
I read the entire book in four sittings, I found it so compelling. It explains how trauma affects our Nervous System, causing us to compensate and function in non-optimal ways. The beauty of this book is it is written from the heart, while at the same time breaking down a complex subject into simple concepts. I've never read such a stunningly straightforward explanation of the effects of trauma on our thinking and behaviour, which was, at the same time, deeply moving. I recommend this book as well as Alex Howard's online courses. You will find Decoding Your Trauma is a free 5 day online course. He also makes suggestions as to how to go about healing your traumatised Nervous System in manageable ways. I can't recommend this book highly enough.
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CG
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful
Reviewed in Australia on October 6, 2023
Verified Purchase
Alex is always good at explaining complicated things in the simplest way possible.
I love how he shares about his own journey so we know that nobody has a perfect life, but we have capabilities to heal.
Definitely a great book for your soul!
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GXM
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource but do go gently
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 12, 2023
Verified Purchase
I think this is an excellent book. I felt that there was a real warmth and compassion to the advice offered which helps it to land in a softer and more accessible way than some other similar books I have read. There is also humour within the book which adds to the warmth.
I disagree with the lone poor review regarding Alex's account of his own personal circumstances. In my view this aspect is neither self indulgent not is it saying that this is everyone's experience. He does in each chapter set out more generic advice based on up to date neuro science principles. The information in the book is both extremely well referenced and at the same time distilled in a way that I found easy to make sense of and extremely practical. The personal circumstances recounted helped me to relate to some of the scientific concepts. It doesn't have to be exactly your own experience to do that.
The only disappointment I had with the book was the lack of specific reference to the possibility of hormonal imbalance caused by peri/menopause exacerbating difficulties experienced due to childhood trauma and some practical guidance as to how to manage the rollercoaster of extremely intense emotions in those circumstances. Likewise no specific reference as to what to do if those emotions feel unbearable and overwhelming and lead to physical self harm.
That said I recognise that Alex persistently advises readers to go gently and I would strongly recommend the same. What constitutes going gently for one person is obviously different to another. With hindsight I now believe that achiever and perfectionist patterns may put a bit of a spanner in the works if you aren't careful!
Once I had taken a step back and figured out what going gently meant for me I was able to return to the book and exercises (and Alex's other online offerings many of which are offered free of charge) as a valuable resource for which I am very grateful. Overall, a great book.
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