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About James Russell Lingerfelt
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Blog post4 Worst Pieces of Dating Advice You Can Receive by James Russell Lingerfelt
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Everyone we know is a relationship expert, so they think. They'll dish out advice all day since they aren't responsible for the outcome of your decisions. When in doubt, here's some pointers based on research to to help you navigate.1. Choose someone based on physical attraction.
“Date with your eyes closed.” That’s much better.
No matter their appearance or build, -
Blog post6 Ways to Rebuild Trust After Cheating by contributor, Content Geek.
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So, you’ve cheated on your partner. The knowledge has come out. At the end of it all, you’ve decided to stay together and try to rebuild. How do you do that? How do you put the relationship first, especially as the partner who cheated? If you want to continue this relationship, you need to make a concerted effort to do so. Here’s how you can do that.
1. Truly Understand Your Partner’s Feeling -
Blog postAre You Holding Onto Relationships That Are Holding You Back? by Margie Warrell. See below for details.
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Think of someone you love spending time with. Someone whose infectious enthusiasm for life has a way of reframing your challenges and boosting your confidence to rise above them. Someone you can count on to embolden your thinking—to back yourself more and doubt yourself less.
Now just imagine if everyo -
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Blog postHow To Approach an Office Romance (and how not to) by Amy Gallo. See below for details.
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Lots of people meet their partners at work, and yet dating someone in the office is often frowned upon. Some companies even have explicit policies against it. So what if you and a colleague have been flirting and might want to explore a relationship? Should you steer clear? Should what’s right from a professional perspective override what’s best -
Blog postHow to Say Goodbye: The Art of Ending Relationships Well by Matthew Jones. See below for details.
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A brutal truth about life is that we can die at any moment.
In an instant, people that we know and love--friends and family members--can be taken from us, leaving the rest of us to work through the many feelings we have towards the deceased.
While saying goodbye is not the same as someone dying, in some cases they' -
Blog postNo, You Can't Make a Person Change by Mark Manson. See below for details.
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We’ve all had that one person—that one person in our lives that we always find ourselves saying, “If only they would…” Month after month, year after year—we love them, we care about them, we worry for them, but when we turn off the light or hang up the phone, we think to ourselves, “If only they would…”
Maybe it’s a family member. Maybe they’re depressed. Heartbroken. De -
Blog postA Letter To My Future Son: Don’t Let One Girl Ruin Every Other Girl For You by Samantha Lebbos. See below for details.
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It’s the first date. Could you be any more nervous?
As you pace around your room trying to find the perfect outfit, packing on the cologne and practicing what you’ll say in front of the mirror, you hope this one date will turn the girl into your girlfriend.
You take one big, deep breath, look in the mirror one last time, gra -
Blog post5 Great Ways To Enjoy Being Single by James Russell Lingerfelt
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It’s been my observation that society in general is becoming more aware of the importance of knowing and understanding ourselves before committing to a partner.
We seek to understand ourselves, our own wants and desires, thus embracing the single life until we’re ready to fully commit to a relationship.
For those who spent their earlier years in committed romantic relationships, -
Blog post8 Things Men Find Romantic by James Russell Lingerfelt
Note: If these topics interest you, please see the following books whose writings helped inspire this article: Willard Harley's His Needs Her Needs and Gary Smalley's The Five Love Languages.
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You’re probably doing better than you think at romancing your man. Though it’s hard to define exactly what qualifies as “romance” when it comes to men, there are many things we men appreciate from our women. -
Blog postThe Secret To Staying With Someone Forever: Keep Falling In Love (And Never Stop) by Paul Hudson. See details below.
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You’re not exactly sure what’s going on. Your heart keeps racing, regardless of whether or not you’re in this person’s presence.
Thoughts flood your mind, making it difficult to focus on anything other than the person in front of you.
This person is there with you throughout the day, keeping you company in your moments of solitude.
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Blog post7 Smart Ways to Deal with Toxic People by Marc Chernoff. See details below.
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Surviving the ups, downs, and lightning storms of other people’s moodiness can be quite a challenge. It’s important, though, to remember that some moody, negative people may be going through a difficult stage in their lives.
They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support. Such people need to be listened to, support -
Blog postWhy The Best Kind Of Love Won’t Be The Kind You Have To Fight For by Fatima Faisal. See details below.
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“Nothing in life comes easy,” except for relationships.
All you lovely single gals are probably shaking your heads in confusion, thinking if there is one universal struggle, it’s relationships. Here is the problem: We have been taught to fight for everything; we have this idea that anything worth it won’t come easy.
This notion is the -
Blog postAn Open Letter To The Good Guys by Pam Johnston. See details below.
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Dear Good Guys,
I get it. You’re pissed. Tired of being lumped in with the likes of men who brag about sexual aggression. Raised to respect women, you would never, ever do such a thing. In fact, the very idea makes you sick to your stomach. As it should. That’s why you feel compelled to remind people “Not all men...”
I’m going to explain why “not all men” doesn’t matter an -
Blog post15 Signs You’ve Found Your Mrs. Right by James Michael Sama. See details below.
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It is true that the value of the woman in a man’s life should be appreciated by him daily and he should never need a reminder, but I also frequently encounter many good women who feel overlooked and under-appreciated in the dating world.
Coupled with men who feel that their dating options are limited, it makes me wonder if we really know what to look for. Here a -
Blog post3 Things Everyone Should Be Saying During S_x by Summer Engman. See below for details.
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(We have to abbreviate certain words so Google doesn't flag it – sorry).
When it comes to s_x, everyone is a little different and we all want different things.
That’s why in my practice as a desire and intimacy coach, I don’t teach techniques and I don’t give advice on new and novel moves to try out in the bedroom. Instead, I ask the peopl -
Blog post9 Warnings Signs You're In Bad Company by Marc Chernoff. See below for details.
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A big part of who you become in life has to do with who you choose to surround yourself with. Sometimes luck controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let stay, who you pursue, and who you let walk back out.
Ultimately, you should surround yourself with people who make you a better person and let go of those who don’t. Here are some warning signs you’re in -
Blog post15 Signs You’re With A Good Man by James Michael Sama. See below for details.
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When it comes to dating and relationships, I often find myself wondering how certain people end up with others. Wondering why they don’t walk away if they don’t get what they deserve and hoping that they truly appreciate their teammate if they are getting what they deserve.
I think a big part of the problem blurring this line is that many people aren’t even quite sure what a -
Blog postBest Traits In A Girlfriend by AskMen. See details below.
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10. She's Independent
No one gets into a relationship to be a babysitter. If she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on. But if she can't seem to function without you, you'll eventually suffocate, and if you're smart you'll run for the nearest exit.
Independence is key to a happy relationship, for both the man and the woman. You'll find you're still getting to -
Blog post11 Ways to Become The Person You Love by Marc Chernoff. See details below.
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You are powerful when you believe in yourself – when you know that you are capable of anything you put your mind to. You are beautiful when your strength and determination shines as you follow your own path – when you aren’t disheveled by the obstacles along the way.
You are unstoppable when you let your mistakes educate you, as your confidence builds from experiences – -
Blog post7 Reasons Why You Should Never Go Back To A Cheater by Brittany McSorley. See details below.
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These days, it seems like every person has fallen victim to an unfaithful significant other. At the very least, we all know somebody who’s been cheated on and probably, someone who’s cheated.
Becoming more and more common, though, are the people who have forgiven a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend and tried to carry on with the relationship.
So -
Blog post9 Things a True Friend Would Never Do by Marc Chernoff. See below for details.
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An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A true friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests at heart and would NEVER…
1. Criticize you for being flawed
As flawed as you might be, as out of place as y -
Blog postHow To Lose Weight in 4 Easy Steps by Aaron Bleyaert. See details below.
A note from James Russell Lingerfelt: This article was originally disguised as a weight-loss article. But it's definitely regarding relationships. It was so clever and well-written, I just had to publish it as a guest post.
I’ve spent the past year losing 80 lbs and getting in shape. A lot of people have been asking me how I did it; specifics like what diet I was on, how many times a week I worked -
Blog postLove Him Or Leave Him? 11 Honest Questions To Ask Yourself About Your Relationship by Macaile Hutt. See details below.
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A note from James Russell Lingerfelt: This article by Ms. Hutt can be applied to both men and women. I'm a huge advocate for considering the kind of family you're marrying into, and how they will influence your own family. But hopefully, by this stage you're in, you've already considered that process.
I believe in love more than I bel -
Blog postRomance Is Like Alcohol by Mark Manson. See below for details.
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Romance is like alcohol. It can heal and it can hurt. It can create joy and it can create pain. It’s often responsible for some of the best and some of the worst moments of your life. It can obscure a terrible idea into a brilliant one; it can distort a terrible person into a fate-filled lover.
Romance is like alcohol. It invents emotions out of thin air. It can create a mirage of love; it can -
Blog postWhen You Find This Type Of Woman, Never Let Her Go by James M. Sama. See details below.
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For today’s generation of men, finding the type of woman we can picture ourselves in a long term relationship with, marrying, and building a family with, can be a long and tiring one.
Sometimes, discouraging. But it is important for us to understand that good women, while hard to find, are out there. The same can be said for men – but since I write from the male perspec -
Blog post20 Things to Start Doing in Your Relationships by Marc Chernoff. See details below.
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Family isn’t always blood. They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be. These people – your real family – are the ones who truly matter.
Here are twenty tips to help you find and foster th -
Blog post8 Tips to Make Your Relationship Feel Like it Did in the Beginning by Sara Altschule. See details below.
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The beginning of a relationship is all butterflies and daisies. It feels like a fairytale that you want to never end. But soon, those butterflies fly back down to earth, and the daises aren’t blooming as big as they used to.
This fairytale story isn’t what it used to be. I’m not saying it’s a book of horrors, but it could use a little fairy dust. Most re -
Blog postSecret to a Happy Marriage: Put Your Spouse First by Mel Robbins. See details below.
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The E! reporter, Giuliana Rancic, said putting her husband first, and the baby second is the secret to her happy marriage. I couldn’t agree more. As you might suspect, a nuclear meltdown happened online as women who put their kids first came out on attack. I was invited to appear on Good Morning America to defend Giuliana.
If you watch the segment, you’ll meet these two female blog -
Blog post17 Things Every Strong Relationship Has in Common by Staff. See details below.
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They say the perfect relationship doesn’t exist, and maybe they’re right. But happy and healthy ones do. Maybe they’re not flawless, but they’re meaningful—and they share certain characteristics and positive qualities that make them so.
Here are 17 things all strong relationships have in common:
1. Love
“When we are in love, we open to all that lif -
Blog post8 Things I Wish I'd Known As A Newlywed by Tyler Ward. See details below.
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We walked the aisle, said “I do,” and stuffed cake in each others faces when I was 24.
I wasn’t 25 before I realized that I had absolutely no idea how to be married.
I brought a lifetime of bad ideas and bloated expectations to this enigmatic relationship, and the deeper we got into marriage, the more ridiculous some of my most basic assumptions about it proved t -
Blog post6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic by Mark Manson. See below for details.
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This article explains how traits that don’t fit our traditional narrative for what love is and what love should be are actually necessary ingredients for lasting relationship success.
1. Letting Some Conflicts Go Unresolved
John Gottman has been studying intimate relationships for more than 40 years.
Gottman devised the process of “thin-sl -
Blog postWhy Women Leave Men by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. See below for details.
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"I hurt all the time because I feel alone and abandoned."
"My husband is no longer my friend."
"The only time he pays attention to me is when he wants sex."
"He is never there for me when I need him the most."
"When he hurts my feelings he doesn't apologize."
"He lives his life a -
Blog postA combination of two articles: 5 Ways You Are Unknowingly Destroying Your Husband and Killing Your Marriage by Katelyn Carmen and 4 Things That Are Hurting Your Wife and Killing Your Marriage by Matt Walsh. See below for details.
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Mrs. Carmen: When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else's well-being and happiness was lar -
Blog post16 Telltale Signs You Really Did Marry the Perfect Person by Jeff Haden. See details below.
At some point in every marriage the person you felt you couldn't live without becomes the person you actually do live with–and that's when you really find out if you married the right person.
By no means are the following the only aspects of a marriage that are important: physical attraction, intimacy, trust, a shared sense of humor...the list goes on and on.
But -
Blog postSomething To Fight About by Lauren Martin. See info below.
A message from James Russell Lingerfelt: We all have our definitions of "fighting." I'll never advocate partners screaming or throwing things. There's maturity in learning to have discussions, caring enough to voice our wants and needs, without raising our voices. And if some define that as fighting, so be it. Ms. Martin offers another perspective, and I invite us to take what we can use from her thoughts, whether -
Blog postHow Accepting The Hook-Up Culture Is Getting 20-Somethings Nowhere by Erica Gordon. See below for details.
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A note from James Russell Lingerfelt: If men would ask out women they already know and trust, a lot of the drama Ms. Gordon addresses in this article would become obsolete. One of the mistakes I see men make is pursuing a woman they know little to nothing about.
They don't know or trust the woman, and that leads to the men acting insecurely. I st -
Blog postThe Truth About The Jerk You’re Dating by James Russell Lingerfelt
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Hey sis,
I’ve been thinking about our talk last week regarding Tom. I don’t want to sound too judgmental… but I think you might be with a jerk.
1. When girls date jerks, it’s because they mistake it for confidence.
At least, that’s been my observation. A woman knows better, but that’s only because she has had experience with jerks. I don’t want to see you ge -
Blog post3 Reasons To Remember Your Heartbreaks - Not Forget Them by James Russell Lingerfelt
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You encountered your first taste of love, you journeyed through the valley, and you survived. You were able to pick yourself up, dust off, and give another love another chance.
If the first time around was physical attraction or infatuation, you learned your lesson. Now you want a life partner: Someone who will live and love life beside you, who will be there for -
Blog post6 Steps to Forgiving People by James Russell Lingerfelt
Shakespeare wrote that the two bitterest enemies are two who once loved each other. Here’s how to find healing through forgiving.
1. Recognize the problem isn’t him or her. It’s us.
It’s never someone “out there.” It’s in here.
Hatred is the only time in life where we create a prison, lock ourselves in, hold onto the key, and believe the guilty are somehow being pu -
Blog post5 Signs You're Ready to Date Again by James Russell Lingerfelt
You are the only person who will know when you’re ready to pursue another romantic relationship. But here’s 5 insights to help you along.
1. You’re ready to be completely and utterly unselfish.
The worse question we can ask in relationships is, “What’s in it for me?”
Until you’re ready to place another person’s desires and needs above your own, stay single.&n -
Blog post9 Questions To Ask Before Committing To A Relationship by James Russell Lingerfelt
Most people don't think to ask questions like these below, since it's often not popular to be logical in pop-culture. Instead, there's too many messages in the world to "go with what you feel" or "with what your heart tells you." If reason and logic is thrown out, disaster's probably fast approaching.
Here's some questions to help us along.
1. How -
Blog post7 Virtues We Can Strive For With Our Partners by James Russell Lingerfelt
After you have found someone who is a good fit for you, these are characteristics we can all strive for, together.1. Try to be kind... even to our enemies.
Anyone can be nice to people who are nice in return. Anyone can be nice to strangers, waiters, and their own family members… but to their enemies?
At some point, you and your partner will be each other’s enemy. No relations -
Blog post5 Signs You Should Date Him or Her by James Russell Lingerfelt
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1. Trusted family and friends introduced you.
Most everyone wears their best face when they first meet people. But here, your trusted friends and family know the person well and can vouch for their character.
Before the 1920s in most parts of the world, we had grown up with the people we ended up marrying. Our grandparents knew each other. Our parents knew each ot -
Blog post10 Ways to Get Over Your Ex by James Russell Lingerfelt
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Each of these paths might not suit every single person, but I believe most of them will help.
1. Understand the importance in finding a mentor
You can call him or her a confidant, counselor, mentor, etc. When emotions are involved, it’s difficult to think objectively. We’re all amateurs and fools in love.
Being able to converse and receive words of truth from older, wi -
Blog post5 Signs It’s Time to Move On... From That Person by James Russell Lingerfelt
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When we’re in love, it's difficult to look at our relationship objectively. We tend to dwell on the beauties of the relationship and make excuses for our loved one when he or she behaves badly. Here's 5 signs it's time to move on.
1. Are they trying to change you?
If so, they don’t love who you are right now. You’re not "good enough."
Yo -
Blog postHow to Navigate Social Media Boundaries in a Relationship by Vanessa Marin. See below for details.
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As a s_x therapist, I never imagined I’d spend so much time talking about Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat.
But a number of my sessions are filled with stories about the ways that social media interferes with my clients’ relationships: things like snooping in a Facebook account, and then agonizing over what to do with suspicious, but not comple -
Blog postI Never Thought My Marriage Would Look Like This by Natalie Thomas. See below for details.
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“You will HATE him!”
Years ago, I attended the wedding of one of my closest friends. Another friend, now living out of state, already married with a 6-month-old, was telling us how exasperated she was with her husband. She warned the rest of us, responsibility-free, about what our future entailed.
I thought her statement was harsh. And that she needed anger manage -
Blog post11 Differences Between Dating A Boy vs A Man by Amy Chan, with additional commentary by James Russell Lingerfelt. See below for details.
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When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player.
I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the
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