- Paperback: 108 pages
- Publisher: Eraserhead Press (October 23, 2012)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1621050696
- ISBN-13: 978-1621050698
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.3 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 14 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,322,833 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Janitor of Planet Anilingus Paperback – October 23, 2012
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From the Back Cover
"For years now, Andrew Wayne Adams has been one of my favorite bizarro short story writers, and his debut novella is a source of limitless joy. If you're a reader of bizarro fiction, pay attention."
--Cameron Pierce, author of Ass Goblins of Auschwitz
"Andrew Wayne Adams is an absurdist dynamo."
--D. Harlan Wilson, author of The Kyoto Man
"One of the best New Bizarro Author Series books since the series began."
--Bradley Sands, author of TV Snorted My Brain
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Top customer reviews
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Don't be turned off by the title or the subject matter. Normally, I cringe when books talk about anilingus, anuses/rectums, feces etc. Adams doesn't an awesome job on writing about all the above, without it turning into a big old gross fest or making it seem like it came from the mind of a giggling 12 year old. (Anuses, TEE HEE!)
The Planet Anilingus is like a magickal, perverted, kind of amusement park. People go there for a vacation. It's ruled by a bunch of Hitler-esq Popes or maybe by Shadow Popes.... Jack, is the bow-tie, lace underpants wearing janitor of the planet. How he manages to be the lone janitor, and clean an entire world by himself is both impressive and not answered. One day while cleaning, his um "EXCALIBUR" is grabbed by a lady in the water named Nimue. She claims to be stalked by a maniac who has killed her 8 times already. She needs Jack's help dealing with the crazed killer.
From there they are involved with an adventure consisting of massive egg eating, a new form of conception, meeting a fat, stupid pasty man named Tommy, and the fecal evacuation of various inanimate and in some cases very large objects, transubstantiation involving pigs, and the ability to mind-read through touching semen.
I super-enjoyed this demented book. The visuals and descriptions are great. It really should be made into a movie, cartoon or comic book.
First, let me say that the publisher did am impressive job. This is not a book shoved through Smashword's Meatgrinder. The formatting was spot-on, and you can tell the book was hammered properly by a real editor. No glaring problems that rip you out of a story, and there are nice and clever little touches, such as the section breaks showing a tiny janitor with a mop instead of the usual three # or *.
Andrew takes a bizarre subject and makes it transparent. Yes, the imagery flows well, but there's an actual story with all three acts skillfully woven into the strange tapestry. The characters are well-defined, and despite your laughter as you read the crazy situations, you'll find you enjoy the characters, especially Jack, who had to learn how to mop erotically so he blended in with the non-stop planetary wide orgy of debauchery - with the exception of Lent.
That's where the book opens. Jack is enjoying his 40-day "vacation" as the only inhabitant, preparing the globe for the hordes of incoming sex fiends. It's another day on the job, until he discovers there's someone else hiding on the planet -- a sexy, hairless woman named Nimue who happens to have helicopter blades that can pop out of a hole in her back. Through all kinds of hijinks, Jack loses his job to an idiot, and he has to solve multiple puzzles, including what's going on and why there's a rocket launcher-wielding maniac who wants to kill Nimue again.
Overall, this book is packed with odd imagery that will make you laugh out loud while you're rooting for Jack to figure everything out. Don't get put off by the title, this is a complete, well-constructed book that you'll secretly enjoy.
SSSSLLLLUUUUUURRRRR...P! Holy, holy, HOLY lick! Somewhere down the line the Vatican brought a whole new sexy to the table. Who'd of thunk a bunch of prude stuffed shirts would ever run a planet for such an act? And that's exactly what goes on there: eating of the butt. Devout Catholics from all over the galaxy spend plenty of quality time relaxing near the golden-bootied fountains, face buried betwixt their neighbor's cheeks.
With all this debauchery going on, someone needs to make sure the fountains and roads and plants and trees stay sparkling clean. That job belongs to Jack. He's the janitor for the entire planet. He knows every square inch of the world and couldn't dream of a life outside of his constant battle with entropy.
Right now is Jack's favorite time of year, Lent, when the planet is closed. It's kinda of like his vacation. He get's 40 days of alone time in which he still has to clean, but he gets to wear a coveralls instead of lace underwear uniform that appeals to the customers and doesn't have to worry about roving tongues near his backside.
It's the last week of Lent, and Jack is working extra diligently to get things ready. Monday arrives like normal, and he's in the swing of things when he discovers something that shouldn't be.
He's not alone.
I am Jack's failing sense of hygiene. Here I see a man whose whole existence is crumbling right before him. He's fallen for a creature that may be a witch. He's lost contact with his superiors, he feels castrated. On top of all this, he's not getting any cleaning done.
The root of Jack's problems may lie mostly within himself, with his circumstances, but a portion of it is definitely a result of meeting Nimue. She appears before him nude, completely hairless, and possessing a giant hole in her lower back from which many things can appear out of. Something is trying to kill her, and she claims Jack is danger, too.
His supervisor, Bishop Eichmann, is not a happy camper. He needs that planet in tip-top shape for the slew of guests arriving in a week. He never actually visits the planet, instead he uses Transubstantiation to temporarily become plants or rocks or dirt in order to communicate orders to Jack. They don't believe him when he tells them he's not alone on the planet, their sensors only show him. When Jack goes AWOL, the good Bishop sends a replacement, a relative of his named Tommy who's naivety is only surpassed by his ineptitude when it comes to janitorial work. Tommy also falls for Nimue, and a rivalry is birthed inside Jack.
This is a small cast of characters and I like all of them. They all hold very different personalities and their dialogues together fit the actions scenes very well.
Jack is extremely no nonsense and when he's faced with dealing with emotions nearly becomes crippled by the task. But it is exactly one chief emotion, desire, that he learns quickly and becomes nearly obsessed with it as he tries to save his most beloved planet from those who would destroy it and the life he's always known.
Do not be fooled by the title into thinking this story is nothing but gross out sex. This is an adventure story first and foremost, but it also a story about the power of sexuality and controlling it. Jack is a character who, through the discovery of things within himself, fights to reclaim his own identify, sexual and otherwise.
Reformation requires a little elbow grease, however. Jack's journey will lead him through places inside himself, as well as on the planet itself, he never knew existed. Fear of the unknown grips him often but his new found feelings of love, even if it's to a creature that wants to impregnate anything with a hole, motivate him to keep pushing forward.
The prose moves quickly, and the words melt like Lucky Charms marshmallows in a wet butt cavity. Each day in Jack's week brings him closer and closer to a greater truth. When he sees the light, though, will he embrace the new world or will he feel only the desire to clean it up?