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About John Oakley McElhenney
Mr. McElhenney is also a contributing editor on The Good Men Project. His more recent books of poetry Impossible Love Poems and Love, Coffee, Tennis, Desire are both available on Amazon.
This dad explains it all to you. Likes, dislikes, hopes, fears. He’s going to share with you his strategy for finding a “next” mate. What he wants you to know about his ex-wife and his kids. While his kids may always come first, the divorced dad needs to make room and intimacy available to a new woman if he wants to find a mate. This divorced dad knows how to express himself, and through his six years post-divorce, he’s been through a lot of dates. He’s passed on two long-term relationships, and is engaged to be married a third time. What did this woman have that the other’s lacked?
Drinking is only an issue when it damages a person or a relationship. Emotional drinking as an alternative to staying present and dealing with your feelings can become a real issue in many relationships. This book outlines my discovery of “the third glass” with the help of my partner. She encouraged me to write the first few articles. When I said, “The third glass is when things change,” she responded with, “That’s good. You need to write that one down.” So I did. This writing an unfolding of my own understanding and my own personal issue with drinking, sobriety, depression, and longing for a “high.” Today, I rarely drink. When I do drink it is a conscious choice rather than a habit or routine. This is about me and my experience of alcohol and alcoholism and how it has touched my life.
“If you follow this story all the way back to the beginning you’ll see a man who was struggling with his identity post-divorce. All of the previous experiences and dreams had failed me. As you journey with me towards today you will see healing, recovery, gratitude, and rebirth. I’m not there yet, but the journey has become the blessing. As we leave our divorces behind, great things can happen. As we grow we can become better parents, better ex-partners, and better people overall. This is my journey. Welcome.”
Nothing can prepare you for the grief surrounding divorce. And with children, the divorce is never final; your relationship to the other parent goes on as long as your kids are alive. You never get over your divorce, but you can get through it. And in this book, I am going to show you how to thrive after divorce. My hope is that this honest retelling of my experience helps guide the way for your future adventure into becoming a single parent. I am a good dad, I worked at becoming one, and I continue to work in my children’s lives to remain a constant and positive force in their lives. This is my journey.
In 1929, Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet was published. Ten short letters of encouragement to a 19-year old hopeful poet. And the master gives wonderful advice that still heartens any creative artists around the world. Wonderful advice about craft, not showing your work too soon, keeping the fire alive inside even if you never get the recognition for your poetry. It is still an amazing set of letters. As if written directly to us. While I have not read Rilke's letters for over ten years, I know the spirit and ideas he expressed have kept me hopeful and energetic about my own writing.
My Letters to a Young Artist in the Digital Age has the same intent. Bring a new perspective to the creative process. This creative life is a path and not an end destination. Few of us will become Steven King, or George R. R. Martin, or J. K. Rowling. For those of us still on the path towards recognition or financial success, there are quite a few discouragements and barriers. It can be a struggle to keep your creative self alive and healthy.
One example of the closest I've come to crafting a tiny love poem.
it is simple
about loving someone
you, in particular
but it is something
a prayer and promise
in the direction
a time we share
Twitter is the flash-point for so many of the changes in social media, online interactions, and even business development online. Our writing ideas and focus about social media are constantly being challenged by new developments and apps. Twitter is a foundation app, get to know it and you will get to know yourself.
Twitter is a powerful social media tool and research platform. It can be an advertising and promotional network, but that's not the best and highest use, unless you are Dell or Best Buy. Even if you are Local Pizza A it is better to include real conversations as part of your tweets. Don't just blast coupons. Talk about them. Suggest toppings or specials. Sure, coupons are great and coupons can drive business, but give a little bit more and you will get more followers and potentially more happy customers.
The Essential Twitter Lessons
Twitter is about conversations.
Twitter is about research.
Twitter is about authentic voices.
Twitter is full of scams and spammy tweet-bots.
Twitter tools are essential for using and understanding Twitter.
In this book of poems from that period, Mr. McElhenney tears back the covers and lets his guard down. We walk along side the broken father as he struggles to find meaning in the days without his two children. We get to travel along side the hopeful poet in search of a new experience. The self-examination is deep and honest. We're getting a show that most people would not dare to make public. But we are richer for the experience.
In these poems is the hope for rebirth after divorce. In this testament of the honest man, and the honest husband, we will see how things came apart and how the author reconstructs his life from a new base of understanding. Alone.
You stand alone in divorce, but you can carry friends like John with you along the journey. His words inspire, they touch the sadness that still needs to be expressed, and they ultimately give hope. A triumphant story of love, Impossible Love Poems, makes the point that clearly they are possible. Here you hold proof in the resiliency of love and the human spirit.