Congratulations! You’ve self-published the book you always wanted to write.

What’s more it has a great cover, a killer blurb and even a couple of reviews (from your friends)...

...but no-one seems to find it, let alone buy it.

It seems an uphill struggle of constant promotion to get any interest.

Why is this?

This short book contains ONE trick that can help ensure you create a self-published book that is loved by its readers.

Restore the wonder of the parables, the joy of the Gospel... and the discomfort of the Sword of Truth stabbed firmly in your gut.

Not the Parables of Jesus contains more than 40* different takes on the original parables to snap us out of our over-familiarity and to open our eyes to the truth of the Gospel.

Half tongue-in-cheek, half right between the eyes

Often fun, sometimes poignant, and occasionally painful; these parables reveal our cultural biases, hidden assumptions, and the lies we believe.

If I were alive today, I would be happy to condemn these parables as heretical.

Martin Luther†

‘Awesome. Excellent. Recommended’ are some adjectives I found in the thesaurus. However I wouldn’t use any of them to describe this book.

Dick Shunnary

This is fake good news!

Donald Trump†

When I read ‘Not the Bible’ I feel the pleasure of God.†

Eric Liddle’s sixth cousin twice removed

Not the Bible. It’s like the Bible. Only not.

John was born at a very young age with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. At first, it appeared that no lasting damage had been done, but as he grew it became clear that his sense of humour had been damaged irreparably.


John lives with his family near Oxford, England where daily he wonders how his wife still finds the same jokes funny after nearly 20 years of marriage.

<sub>* Bet you think that means there are only 41 parables? Well there are actually 42. So there!

† Everything’s true about these statements except the quotes.</sub>

Christians say “God loves you.”

But such a blanket statement just doesn’t connect with our hearts.

Because we know all too well what we’ve done.

And we’re too ashamed to talk to others about it.

And so the doubt gnaws away at us.

Rather than living in doubt, John Spencer candidly lists the 10 things that stop God from loving us, how we resolve them and receive God’s love afresh again.

Satire to set your heart on fire.

_{* Everything’s true about these statements except the quotes.}

Quintessential Quarantine Quips

• Genesis 11 – The Tower of Toilet Rolls


• Psalm 23 – The Lord is my Sales Assistant


• John 2 – Jesus turns water into hand sanitizer


• Luke 10 – The Parable of the social distancing Samaritan


• John 6 – Jesus turns 5 toilet rolls into 5,000


• Ephesians 6 – Put on the PPE of God!

More salty than the Dead Sea

• Doctors confirm man has kidney stones, not demons


• NASA confirms: Joel Osteen’s smile visible from space


• Laying on of tongues short-lived


• Revival breaks out an In N Out after man reads bible verse


• Upgraded communion sponsored by Lunchables


• Rick Astley confirms not participating in Lent again

More salty than the Dead Sea

• Move of God turns out to be indigestion


• Joel Osteen’s Freshly Polished Teeth Glow Mistaken for Shekinah Glory


• K-Love Extends Playlist Rotation to Ten Songs!


• New Church Encourages Vaping to Mimic Glory Cloud


• St Paul's gardening accident leads to thorn in the flesh


• Seventh Day Adventist Chick-Fil-A Franchise: Sunday Hours Offered

More salty than the Dead Sea

• Popular bacon face mask “not effective protection” against Coronavirus


• N95 face mask arrested for hate crime!


• Church Gives Away Toilet roll to Increase Streamed Service Attendance


• 5 second rule to be reduced due to Coronavirus fears


• Jehovah’s Witnesses switch to carrier pigeons


• Jesus Returns to Turn Five Rolls of Toilet Paper into 5,000

Satire to set your heart on fire.

Put the ME back in your MarriagE today!