Top critical review
12 people found this helpful
on June 18, 2005
Oh boy... were to begin. The movie is about a pirate (Roger LaForge AKA Jolly Roger) who returns from the dead to seek vengeance on his former shipmates offspring. (because killing your mutinous shipmates great-great-great-grandkids is all the revenge a pirate should ever need) First I'll start off with the good: If you like obligatory sex scenes, lots of blood and "yo-ho-ho" lines, this is for you.
Its also short... an hour and twenty minutes (the first 2 and half minutes are pure credits of red text with a backlight ala Paintshop Pro 7 banner text... hoofa)
Now the bads:
Phony red ketchup blood... tons of it, or none at all, or just a drizzle... apparently when you chop off heads and limbs, it really is arbitrary how much should shoot out of a person.
Rubber heads. In one scene in a warehouse, I kid you not, our fearless pirate chops off a head, and it bounces, like a superball a good 2 feet in the air, not once... but TWICE.
Good acting.(this is sarcasm) In addition to whole sentences being garbled and then RESAID because the nimrods forgot their cues, we have scenes that are completely irrational. Such as a bouncer who gets his arm ripped out of his socket and stands there. (He doesn't scream, he doesn't drop to the floor in pain, or god forbid, run away... he clutches his stump.. and whines little like a little kid who doesn't have candy. Thank god he gets clubbed to death with his own limb) Also, you'll love the Mayor vs. Pirate scene... just pure comedy.
There is SOME production value to this... you can see they shelled out a couple bucks for the computer graphics... but not much else. If you like to MST3K bad movies (like I do) this is good fodder. 2 stars, some production value and enough horribly bad scenes to laugh at to make it worth a rental.