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About Joni Hilton
Her comedy blog can be found at jonihilton.blogspot.com. It's called Joniopolis and also includes sections on cooking and writing.
Joni Hilton has written five award-winning plays, is the author of 20 books, and holds a Master of Fine Arts degree in Professional Writing from USC. She also has sold more than 100 articles to national magazines.
When she was seven, her mother dragged her to the doctor to find out why she spent all her time in a closet, writing. The doctor talked to Joni for a few minutes, then told her mother, "She's a writer. Leave her alone."
Hilton hosted a daily TV talk show in Los Angeles for four years, is still a TV spokeswoman across the U.S. for various corporations, and is highly in demand as a public speaker. Visit her website, jonihilton.com, for more information. You can also find Joni on Twitter: @JoniHilton.
Be sure to listen to THE JONI HILTON SHOW, streaming live at blogtalk.com/jonihilton every Thursday at 2 pm PST. Speak with Joni directly on this call-in advice show.
One of her comedy plays, "Does This Show Make My Butt Look Fat?" has just been accepted for publication by ArtAge. Her comedy, "Gifted," will be performed at the American Globe Theatre in Times Square, Manhattan, this Spring.
Award-winning "In Bed With Chuck and Lois" will be performed January 18-19, 2013, at the Arthur Newman Theatre in Palm Desert.
Her comedy, "The Christmas Triple Whammy" was just performed in Queens, New York.
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Join the Ten Cow Wives’ Club for lunch—a monthly ritual where five outwardly average yet inwardly eclectic women recount the fascinating events of their lives. Heather, Crystal, Ships, and Tanya have been best friends since childhood. Now, as the trials of adult life pull at the cords of their hearts, they find comfort in each other—and plenty of sound advice from their new-found “older” ally, Maxine. From the trivial to the profound, this group’s absorbing stories will carry you on a fun, and sometimes poignant ride through the awkward teen years, into the scary but thrilling world of college, and headlong into the delights and struggles of married life. With her trademark warmth and humor, Joni Hilton weaves a funny, fiercely perceptive story of romance, friendship, and forgiveness—and shows we are each a little stronger with the support of a few close friends.
When Nina accidentally ventures into the deepest part of jungle, a bronzed hero magically leaps from the treetops to rescue her from a wild animal attack. And when she stares into his brilliant green eyes, she knows without a doubt that this is no ordinary tribesman. She is smitten at first touch. Breathless.
Perils lurk everywhere in the shape of poisonous plants, strange species of animals that prowl the night, and even murderous cannibals from a nearby atoll. Storms, fires, and incessant insect attacks are just part of living life on the edge, and the natives take it in stride. Nina comes to accept their ways and loves the island with the same fervor as she loves her man. When the expedition nears its close, Nina must choose: Should she return home to become an anthropologist, or stay in the jungle with the man she loves?
Hopetown is both a place and a time of innocence-- or is it? Gavin sees his home through the gauzy lens of boyhood dreams, until poverty, racism, pride, betrayal, and murder shatter its image forever. But Gavin fulfills a promise and finds that honor and love lead to triumph, and hope travels with him, in his heart.
Moms are as unique as fingerprints. And though no two mothers do their job in quite the same way, you will come to savor your calling as a mother as you learn that the best kind of mom is probably-you.
Moms of all ages will love the messages inside, which help unload the guilt that seems to accompany motherhood. You'll discover what is really essential for raising healthy, happy children. And you'll learn to toot your own horn, getting well-deserved appreciation for the greatest job on earth! So put your feet up, laugh, relax, and find the joy that parenthood can bring-you've earned it.
32 pp. booklet.
Sydney hates funerals (overlong programs, creepy corpses, warbly singing). But she loves gooey, cheesy funeral potatoes. And these days, between her ward and neighborhood and extended family, it seems like there’s always a funeral for the Relief Society president to attend. Not fun occasions, of course, but not terribly traumatic either—which is good, considering how crazy life is already with taking care of four little kids and one inactive brother. Ted is the lone black sheep amongst the blond-haired, blue-eyed OllerVanKeefers (rhymes with overachievers) and his lack of a testimony coupled with his lack of overall ambition has Syd concerned—perhaps a bit too concerned, given how she sometimes prays for a not-too-serious car crash to shake him up a bit. But when a real crisis hits the family and Syd sees the shadowy side of picture-perfect happiness, she realizes that she’s been praying for the wrong things, and that nobody needs to run faster than she has strength—even if (especially if) you’re a former all-state track star.
You’ll laugh out loud with this enchanting tale that will help you find the joy in your own less-than-perfect family and in life’s little comforts, like funeral potatoes.
As the Ward Turns is deliciously witty fiction that rings with truth. You’ll meet Andy Taylor, a Relief Society president who finds herself in so much hot water, she may as well live in the Jacuzzi Ward. Just when it seems matters can’t get worse, Andy’s brother, Nick, slides into town on snake oil, running one scam after another.
You’ll meet Bishop Carlson, who impersonates the deceased at a funeral, and Edith Horvitz, a homemaking director who built her entire house using particle board and a hot glue gun.
There’s young and beautiful Zan Archer, a self-made tycoon. The most domestic Zan has ever been was to hire a maid from a domestics agency.
For on-the-spot criticism, you can count on Rita Delaney, who used a dead cat as a visual aid for a spiritual living lesson. And watch out for Claudia Lambert. She once aimed a rifle at a well-meaning cleaning crew of Relief Society sisters, and told them if they or their PineSol ever set foot in her house again, there’d be a mass funeral at the Stake Center.
They’re all there—the stalwarts, the grumblers, the mixed bag of members you’ll recognize at once. Joni Hilton also serves up wisdom along with the laughs, leaving you satisfied with a feast that is both enriching and entertaining.
If you struggle between desiring a meaningful prayer relationship with deity and actually having one, this book is for you. It is both a how-to manual for beginners, and an advanced course in penetrating the veil for those who hunger for God’s presence.
You’ll discover you can set aside insincere trite phrases as you learn about prayer’s true purpose and the phenomenal power it can have. Find out how to speak to Heavenly Father from your own heart, and how to listen for the answers He sends.
A small village nestled in the shadow of a grand castle is brightened by the warmth and welcome of the local church. All are invited to come and pray, and come they do one cold Christmas Eve. Each villager has a prayer on their lips, supplications for all they lack. Even the king himself struggles to find gratitude this Christmas season. But within their company kneels a young boy who has known little beyond deprivation yet contains a heart full of thanks.
Learn to recognize your own limitless blessings this Christmas season as you witness the power of one child’s grateful heart.
But this is no act: Think “Monk” with female hormone issues, wielding a frying pan. Underneath that crazy exterior is, okay, more craziness. Kate compulsively paints out graffiti, corrects grammar on public signs, and tries not to embarrass her husband and three kids. She longs for the days when she created crossword puzzles for the local paper, and tries to convert her therapist into a word person. Still, her life is in relative control because she wisely moved far away from her life’s nemesis, her sister—a flambouyant artist and her polar opposite.
In this laugh-out-loud chick lit novel, Kate’s life turns upside down when the very sister she despises suddenly moves in with her. Jackie is broke (again), hauls “art supplies” in from the garbage dump, makes paper in the blender, and worst of all: Wrangles her way into co-hosting the cooking show. Kate is furious, but the sisters’ on-air bickering only raises the ratings.
Kate’s sense of family obligation and propriety keeps her from throwing Jackie out onto the street, but she makes lists of people she’d like to murder this afternoon, and Numbers One through Three are Jackie.
Kate begins a desperate attempt to get Jackie married off and out of the house, but when Jackie’s antics finally cause Kate to lose her job, the stakes escalate. How on earth can these two sisters salvage such an impossible situation, and how can Kate avoid spending the rest of her life in a padded cell?
If you’re wondering whether Joni’s sequel, Around the Ward in 80 Days, could possibly be as funny as her best-selling book, As the Ward Turns, the answer is resounding YES!
In Around the Ward in 80 Days, Andy (the enthusiastic but guilt-ridden Relief Society president) cavorts through some of the craziest adventures you can imagine, with none other than her zany homemaking leader, Edith Horvitz, at her side. This spine-tingling story takes you to Europe as Andy tries to prevent a murder in a clever, unpredictable plot.
As hilarious as it is, you'll also enjoy the powerful gospel values in this story. Joni Hilton pays loving tribute to the importance of the family, church, and solid spiritual foundation of a gospel centered life.
As funny as As the Ward Turns? Even funnier!
The Rollicking Sequel to As the Ward Turns
Joni has done it again! In the hilarious tradition of As the Ward Turns andAround the Ward in 80 Days, Joni’s newest novel is filled with familiar characters who charge through life at a laugh-a-minute pace—and you’re invited to join in the fun!
The Taylors welcome identical triplets, and the craziness begins! Andy suffers from a case of perpetual foot-in-mouth disease, and Edith Horvitz, the hyperactive homemaking leader, is at her zaniest as the Nobel prizewinning eccentric-turned-entrepreneur who harbors an amazing secret from her past. You’ll never believe this one!
From the ward talent show, where one elderly brother literally gives a drop-dead performance, to Edith’s glow-in-the-dark mansion, to Gizmo the dog’s drug overdose, to...well, you get the picture. And Joni gets the laughs, as her uncanny wit erupts to tickle your funny-bone time and again.
The magic of Scrambled Home Evenings lies not only in its humor, but in its warm human relationships and solid gospel-centered values. Home, family, friends, church—all are important ingredients in this wonderful potpourri of laughter and love.
They’re back . . . Andy, Brian, Edith, and a host of other zany characters liven up the pages of best-selling LDS comedy writer Joni Hilton’s latest novel.
This time, Edith’s madcap adventures as the owner of a unique amusement park, Edith Land, serve as the backdrop for her unique approach to Church service. When she’s called as the new Relief Society president, nothing but full activity in the ward will satisfy her—and her revolutionary approach to reactivation is . . . well, nothing short of what you’d expect from Edith Horvitz. Who else would think of organizing a Mormon Mime Choir? Edith does—and several less active members are mimed back into the fold. In the end, Edith proves that the Lord does work in mysterious ways.
Get ready for more twists and turns than a high-speed roller coaster—and more laughs per page than your funny bone can handle, with Stop the Ward—I Want to Get Off.