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Susan Anderson

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The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life Paperback – March 1, 2000

German Edition by Susan Anderson (Author)

4.5 385 ratings

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Like Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying, Susan Anderson's book clearly defines the five phases of a different kind of grieving--grieving over a lost relationship. An experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades, Susan Anderson gives this subject the serious attention it deserves. The Journey From Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups--whether they are suffering from a recent loss, or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships, or they're in a relationship where they no longer feel loved. From the first stunning blow to starting over, it provides a complete program for abandonment recovery.

Length

352
Pages
Language

DE
German
Publisher

Berkley
Publication date

2000
March 1
Dimensions

5.3 x 1.0 x 8.8
inches
ISBN-10

0425172287
ISBN-13

978-0425172285
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Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Susan Anderson, CSW, is a psychotherapist who has specialized in helping clients deal with heartbreak, loss and abandonment for more than 25 years. She has led workshops on abandonment recovery, conducts seminars and lectures, and has appeared on radio and television speaking on the related issues of addiction, parenting and abandonment.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Berkley; First Edition (March 1, 2000)
Language ‏ : ‎ German
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0425172287
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0425172285
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 1 x 8.75 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #504,071 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #43,682 in Health, Fitness & Dieting (Books)
- #44,243 in Self-Help (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.5 385 ratings

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Susan Anderson

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Susan Anderson has devoted more than 30 years of clinical experience and research to helping people overcome abandonment trauma and its aftermath of self sabotaging patterns. Founder of the abandonment recovery movement, she reaches out through her websites, workshops, and media to share her methods of abandonment recovery with abandonment survivors from around the world. Anderson is author of four trailblazing books including Journey from Abandonment to Healing and Taming Your Outer Child which guide people through a protocol specific to healing abandonment, heartbreak, and loss. People can contribute to Susan's ongoing research project by submitting (confidentially) your personal stories to her website http://www.abandonment.net/submit-your-personal-abandonment-story. The websites www.abandonment.net and www.outerchild.net reach out with help and information.

https://www.facebook.com/AbandonmentHealing/

https://twitter.com/abandonmenthelp

https://www.instagram.com/abandonmenthealing/

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4.5 out of 5

385 global ratings

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Richard of Connecticut

Thank God, she wrote this book!!!!

Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2008

Verified Purchase

Other readers have written very beautifully about this book. I will not attempt to duplicate their thoughts. Listen to me carefully. Susan Anderson's book is magnificent. She poured her heart and soul into every sentence in this beautifully written book about the journey from abandonment to healing. You need to know that regardless of how bad things are, and what you are suffering from, there is a universal journey that we must all go through.

Life is hills and valley, mountains and the abyss. We cannot hope to live an extraordinary life, a life truly worth living unless we are willing to have our hearts broken. Nobody gets to SAIL through life except for those who live in a fantasy world. In living an extraordinary life we must take personal risks in our relationships, and those risks sometimes turn into mistakes. The mistakes are heart wrenching because of the abandonment, and that is where this book unlike anything I will ever hope to read, can truly change the course of our lives.

How is it possible that a book, any book can truly reshape our thinking, and have long term positive effects on the course of our lives. Surely, this is too much to ask of any written document, but that is precisely the promise that this book delivers on. Every now and then, I pick it up, and just re-read certain sections to renew my understanding of the cycles of life.

No matter how deep the pain may be that you are going through, this book is better than sitting down with a therapist session after session, pouring your heart out to someone that may not even be hearing you. Susan Anderson truly understands what each of us is going through. She is successful in conveying to us that whatever it is we are suffering from, whatever it is that causes us to believe that we are being abandoned, it is TEMPORARY, and life will get better. We will heal, and be renewed, and if we use the pain we are going through correctly, we will grow out of the abandonment and be much, much better human beings for having gone through the experience. How could anyone benefit so much from a book, but yet it's all true.

If you are going through a divorce, or a separation, you must read this book, because you need help and you need it NOW. Listen to just a few of the things Anderson says about the first stage of abandonment which is "Shattering".

It is a "Tear in the dense tissues of human attachment. It is a feeling of devastation, unbearable pain. It is a powerful neurobiological process. It is the birth trauma revisited. It is rebirth. It is the breaking up of the storm clouds, the clearing of new sky. Shattering is a bottom - a transforming bottom - the same bottom from which people over the ages have found redemption."

Is it possible that anyone, even the poets through the ages, could write so beautifully of an experience that goes right to the heart of the matter? The book is optimistic. Your life will get better. You will get better, and you will live a better life once you come out of the temporary hell that we all have to go through every now and then, and hopefully, just hopefully, we never have to go through this experience again. I wish you luck on your JOURNEY, and let this book be your guide.

Regards,

Richard C. Stoyeck

29 people found this helpful

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Guinevere

HIGHLY recommended

Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2012

Verified Purchase

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life *note* I bought the paperback version. This review seems to be showing the kindle version, which I have not seen, so I don't want to comment on it - no idea how the editing is for Kindle.

This is an incredibly important work. I cannot recommend it highly enough, both to those who are recovering from abandonment, and those who are repeat abandoners (most likely carrying abandonment PTSD themselves, and very much in need of healing.)

Anderson uses scientific explanations that are clear and fascinating to explain some of the universal symptoms experienced, from the first trauma of abandonment, through the stages of the healing and grieving process.

It helps immensely to know about:

*symbiotic emotional memory, and why a pattern of attachment /control exists with abandoner and the abandoned one, in a relationship that involves a cycle of leaving and returning; why one might feel incapable of leaving a serial abandoner, even if one no longer wants to continue the relationship

* morphine-like substances created in the brain which account for feelings of numbness, disconnection, and also, later, withdrawal symptoms

* the stages of abandonment grief, and the reason for initial suicidal tendencies or thoughts, even in people who have never experienced depression or suicidal thoughts before

* HOW to cope with each stage and turn the abandonment around into self-empowerment.

I truly cannot recommend this book highly enough. Many of us are carrying around abandonment PTSD, and only find out or are faced with it when it is reawakened by an event in our lives. Sometimes that event can be seemingly innocuous, and we may wonder why our reaction is so crippling. Ostensibly for those who have been abandoned in a primary relationship, this book can also be extremely useful for those who have suffered other losses, and have reactive symptoms that seem "over the top" or completely out of character.

This book should be required reading in psychology programs. It approaches old material in a new way, and contains some pretty ground-breaking insights that can help psychologists understand a grieving process that seems far, far more intense or alarming than one usually sees. This is abandonment grief: initially, it is deeply alarming in its intensity. So very helpful to have a work that explains all of this very clearly.

4 people found this helpful

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LAA

So informative and so specific

Reviewed in the United States on October 15, 2013

Verified Purchase

I purchased this book for my son who was experiencing a painful and hugely disruptive breakup. I then had to purchase one for myself simply to see if what he so sadly expressed was valid and that he wasnt loosing his mind! An example: when my son stated it would be easier if she (the dumper) was dead, I recoiled in horror. I told him that is beyond inappropriate. However, when I started to read Susan's book I realized that many shared this exact thought. She explained it brilliantly...that the rejection by a loved one, is a rejection of oneself. Further that death is a natural ending, yes tremendously sad but that the rejection of oneself by someone who still is out there functioning and most likely happy and thriving can be equally devastating. The fact one is not wanted shreads ones self esteem and tosses the rejected one into a state of horrible anxiety and depression. Susan then elaborates at how we as parents or friends belittle this persons emotions, I certainly did! Stating things like get over it or you should feel relief since your relationship was poor at best. This seems to further devaste this already broken hearted individual to the point they begin questioning their own sanity. Thankfully Susan was able to convey the big picture that these folks are indeed in terrible pain and when we make light of it, it only serves to alienate them more at a time that they are overwhelmed with loneliness. It only pushes them deeper into their terrible isolation when what they truly need its understanding, time, lots of compassion and the ability to share their often overwhelming emotions. Thank you Susan for making me aware of these emotions concerning this specific painful experience. BTW, the kid is doing so much better... as for his mom she is over the top relieved and enormously thankful! :0)

36 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

silas80

Starts well, but the actual steps are a bit...well...strange.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 21, 2012

Verified Purchase

Book starts well, and you will recognise a lot of what it says and laugh at yourself and think, "Finally, someone understands!!!" but the steps to the journey of healing are a little too odd to get my head round i.e imagining you're talking to your younger self, having full conversations with them, hmmm. Not saying it won't work, just well, it won't be everyone's cup of tea and rather than thinking this is helping, you're thinking, "This is mental," "I feel even more mental than before." Okay, maybe that's just me.

The author also uses the Japanese word "akeru" far too much, as if no-one knew this was a word until the author discovered it flicking through her Japanese dictionary one day and thinking being foreign and mysterious and having a meaning for a combination of things is a good enough reason for mentioning it in every chapter. It isn't. It's the equivalent of eskimos having numerous words for snow, it's mildly interesting being told that once, but then having these eskimos calling you up every day and saying "We have loads of words for snow :D ". You'd turn from being mildly interested to seriously considering changing your phone number.

I think this book is a bit more spiritually orientated than I thought it'd be. I'll give it a 4 because it is well written and if I'm sure it'll help people who feel and think like the author does.

4 people found this helpful

Grace Clements

Exceptional

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 1, 2013

Verified Purchase

I recommend this book to anyone who is going through a traumatic breakup. It recognises all the stages you go through in a breakup and helps you focus on how to change your way of thinking,leave the pain and anger behind and move on with your life.

It is written in a straightforward style by somone who understands the painful emotions felt, because they have experienced loss of a loved one too.

This book was recommended to me by a friend and although i was sceptical that another self- help book would ease the way I felt, this book did it for me.I picked it up each time I felt the 'rage'and it calmed me down and in my case made me see that the person I had been involved with was a sociopath. I quote No 98. 'Outer child can gain control so early, the individual doesnt develop any true empathy or compassion for himself or others, The extreme outer child is a sociopath'
Susan Anderson describes in her 'Outer Child Inventory' all the behaviours of the outer child in all of us and how to control that behaviour to protect your inner feelings.

This is one book I will keep on my book shelf for my own self-preservation but it will be one I share with any of my friends who go through similar situations.I can't say that for many other self-help books.

2 people found this helpful

Agnes Waiwood

Good explanation of "why" that leads to the healing of abandonment.......

Reviewed in Canada on June 8, 2014

Verified Purchase

Some of the chapters were dead on for my situation.........definitely a recommended read for someone who has been abandoned by a husband of over 35 years ........This book described my husband to a letter and helped me immensely to understand "why" he left me after all those years I lovingly cared for him.

L Dee

First book that directly addresses abandonment

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 15, 2013

Verified Purchase

I loved this book. It was the first book that I have read that directly addresses the issues of abandonment. Lots of aha moments and tools to heal from this painful process. I also accessed the abandonment website and downloaded the workbook which I am still working through as some of it is quite heavy. The book provided some useful tools to address the abandonment issue including talking to your inner child and recognising your outer child. I now recognise when my outer child is displaying sabotaging behaviour and change my course of action accordingly. This is also a great book for anyone who is directly in the throes of heartache. Whilst time heals all wounds, this does help to speed up the healing process.

3 people found this helpful

N. Tischler

An essential tool for healing from abandonment issues

Reviewed in Canada on January 11, 2013

Verified Purchase

At the time when I found this book Susan Anderson was the only person I came across who wrote exclusively about abandonment and how to recover from it. The insights she provides into the dynamics of abandonment and the exercises provided me with desperately-needed tools at that stage of my healing journey. I have since found other useful abandonment recovery resources on the Net but I still recommend this book whenever I meet people who are struggling with these issues.

One person found this helpful

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