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The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life Paperback – March 1, 2000
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Top Customer Reviews
As well, being a person in this world, I too have been abandoned and despite the knowledge I hold as a mental health professional, experienced the full impact of that wrenching, soul-destroying, desperate fear and sadness.
As I reflected on my own loss, I found Susan's book uniquely helpful. It was especially useful to learn about the science of abandonment. It helped me to feel as if I was not loosing my mind and that despite all the information I held as a therapist, as a biological being, some of my experiences were natural and primal and although extremely painful...they were understandable. It gave me a real sense of hope and possibility.
Consequently, I have shared this book with many of my patients. Almost universally they have found it both comforting and helpful as a realistic tool toward healing and change. It is a book that I would not be without in the library of references I use to help others.
There will be times when someone is unable to fully utilize this book. When their fear of being hurt again is so intense that they hold on to the pain of abandonment as a way of never connecting again. A book that truly helps to transform is not embraced by anyone who unconsciously holds on to a wish to remain unchanged.
So, as a practitioner and a survivor, I could not recommend this book more highly!!
My life was very unhappy. Not being able to trust people is a vicious cycle and deep down, I really wanted friends I could trust. My social and relationship life also sucked. I was untrusting in relationships but yet needy once I got entrenched and perhaps as a result of that, would subsequently be tossed away, like thrash.
I was very bitter. I joined therapy but couldn't seem to let go of the resentment I felt for all the pain I'd gone through.
So I picked up this book and FINALLY, someone understood what I was going through. Every "crazy" feeling I had experienced in the past, including wanting lovers that had treated me despicably, were explained in the book. I realized that even though I put up a front to the world, I was still grieving past hurts and some of them went all the way back to my childhood
I felt that I could finally be free of the demons that had clung to me. Susan Anderson really gets it but when it comes down to the exercises she recommends, in my humble opinion, she falls short.
The first two are okay even though the withdrawal exercise makes you feel like you are cultivating a dual personality. The third one for internalizing, was highly, highly disappointing. It was very abstract and I failed to see the connection between dreaming of a house and gaining a stronger sense of self.
I was very disappointed but I was determined to make myself learn the exercise, if it would mean getting better.Read more ›
This book clearly articulates what I struggled to put into words about the abandonment symptoms I was experiencing. Abandonment is defined as an involuntary separation. Some symptoms include loss of control of the situation, separation anxiety and yearning for the lost love, hoping for the possibility of the lost love's return and the desparation caused by this desire.
The book also covers in great detail the physiology behind emotional withdrawal symptoms of abandonment, including the loss of opioids (hormones) which is similar to heroin withdrawal; the significance of extreme changes in appetite patterns; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; memory loss; the desire to self-medicate to endure the loss; and how society acknowledges those grieving over a death but not over a lost love.
Finally, Dr. Anderson gives some effective exercises in overcoming the crippling symptoms of abandonment. The exercises are not "pat" answers as found in some mainstream books and magazines. These are extensive, healing exercises requiring vulnerable, self-introspection.
I hope this helps someone else out there, too. It sure saved my sanity and all for the modest price of a book -- not an expensive block of therapy sessions!
If you've tried bravery, common-sense, and straight-out endurance, try reading this book instead - because incredibly, Susan Anderson managed to not only help you understand what you're going through -- she also comes up with five amazingly original exercises that can actually HELP you endure the unendurable. I know. I've been using them. I cannot say enough about this book.
Anderson doesn't ever water down the agony -- twenty-five years of work with heartbroken patients has made her very aware of the intricacies of abandonment grief. But despite this realistic knowledge of the pain, she offers hope -- not the glib, "You'll recover eventually!" hope of most breakup-recovery books, but a nuanced, particular hope specific to each grief stage, and always attentive to the suffering you are undergoing at each moment. An incredible, generous and loving book.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Provided a lot of insight into my issue of abandonment. I thought I was the only person to feel certain ways, but this book explained that my feelings are symptomatic of this.Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
Easy to read and understand. Its helping me to cope the loss of family members. Its hard to adjust this book is a good guide to explain how to move on and its okay to feel pain. Read morePublished 7 months ago by olivia saldana
There is nothing that I can say except for author Susan Andersaon has saved my adult life! I have never read a book that has had such profound affect on me. Read morePublished 7 months ago by Fonda
Great book for anyone going through the end of a relationship. I specifically selected this book because it is not gender based or from the perspective of one gender. Read morePublished 9 months ago by Amazon Customer
A young friend went through his first big breakup. He requested this book for a gift. Seems to have helped.Published 11 months ago by Terry Monkeys