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Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
Lao Tzu advice to Confucius 551BC-479BC
After a 50 year marriage the caregiving spouse dies while trying to self nurture by caring for her hydrangeas.
The Caregiver Helpbook, Powerful Tools for Caregivers
Cleland & Schmall
half of caregivers die before their loved one of stress induced accidents, infection, noncommunicable disease NCD, illness
It's All in Your Head: True Stories of Imaginary Illness
Suzanne O'Sullivan neurologist
Takotsubo cardiomyopathy Broken Heart syndrome death due to emotional stress, psychogenic death.
Of course it's all in your head Harry. That doesn't make it any less real. Professor Dumbledore
Harry Potter: The Complete 8-Film Collection
A teen with a promising baseball career ends with a "gimp" right hand because of a reckless impulsive brother on a high.
Drunk In Public
documentary 18 years following one man
The Judge abuses recreational chemicals, conceives son with intellectual disability.
The Judge undertakes his own version of recovery for 28 years with expected outcome.
Parenthood (Special Edition)
Steve Martin Mary Steenburgen Rick Moranis comedy
3 generations impacted by grandparent's recreational chemical use
If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them.
But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?
The Gulag Archipelago Abridged: An Experiment in Literary Investigation (P.S.)
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Russian handling of dissent, kidnapping, incarceration, assassination.
Genes confer vulnerability to action. Genes are not destiny and do not condemn outcome. The Judge (Duvall) son Hank (Downey) mirrors The Judge's personality weaknesses (self righteous bullheadedness, moral superiority, mockery of others, vanity, feeling of personal legacy, demanding loyalty) and strengths (truth telling admiration of decency in a young lawyer named Henry). The Judge adjudicates a case with a 16 year old who exhibits the same reckless impulsivity as The Judge's rebellious son Hank.
The Judge grants the young defendant leniency in court with disastrous consequences.
The Judge concludes that Tough Love
Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants: Parenting Styles and the Messages They Send
Jim Fay elementary principal 30 years & Foster Cline MD child psychiatrist
Parenting with Love and Logic
is necessary for guidance of his son Hank who wears The Judge's bullheaded self justifying controlling nature.
Sometimes those sharing the same personality have difficulty negotiating relationship. Those who are distinct yet complementary, eg athletic son Glen loved and admired by The Judge for qualities The Judge himself lacks (humble patient responsible fathering consistency compassion) often enjoy mutual respect support trust and friendship.
The Judge (2014)
as parable embodies timeless themes interwoven in the fabric of small town American life, as representative of any small village anywhere across the globe, integrating kindness with practical acknowledgment of prejudice favoring "us" locals vs "them" outsiders. The Judge recalls admiring the decency of a young lawyer named Henry who was shunned for dutifully defending a killer who was hated by the community. "Henry had to live here."
It takes courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more courage to stand up to your friends. Prof Dumbledore
Harry Potter: The Complete 8-Film Collection
The Majestic
Jim Carrey comedy carries the same themes as The Judge, though in a different era, post WWII American Big Band, community grieving after war, brokenness, resilience, effort at recovering optimism, accepting truth, building family.
Developing Resilience: A Cognitive-Behavioural Approach
Michael Neenan British CBT cognitive behavioral therapy (dianoia discursive thinking) for self healing: acknowledge facts, search for disconfirming evidence, listen carefully to opposing points of view, pause to think before acting, beware of anoesis reflex response without cognitive content, agnotology (the making and unmaking of ignorance).
Hank (Downey) wears a wristlet reminder to stay in the present moment.
Amulets: Sacred Charms of Power and Protection
Sheila Paine
Dhamma Brothers
documentary time alone in silence allows self examination, space for unavoidable truths to emerge.
Vincent D'Onofrio portrays the burden of being the favorite child, always trying to resolve conflict in the family.
Everything I Never Told You
Ng family secrets' unintentional harm
Stuart Saves His Family
Vincent D'Onofrio Laura San Giacomo Shirley Knight Harris Yulin comedy fruitless pursuit of effort to "fix" others, change their attitudes behaviors character. Others' lives are their problem to fix . . . or not. Dad "that never happened."
28 Days (Special Edition)
Sandra Bullock Viggo Mortensen Steve Buscemi comedy "I should have taken better care of you" older sister.
The Judge embodies the Confucian adage: what you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.
Hank (Downey) defends an insurance company executive who denies insurance coverage to terminally ill patients. Ironically The Judge is forced to sell his wife's rings to pay for his non-insurance covered self-directed medical care in a fishing cabin.
Four Pillars of Medical Ethics: autonomy, beneficence, non-maleficence, justice.
That kindness and influence so frequently fail to intersect is a bitter injustice.
But so too is vilification in the service of vendetta.
Joseph D Martin History of Philosophy of Science Truth with a Vengeance sciencemag.org 25May2018
The Judge is complex, well written and requires repeat viewings to absorb the subtle nuances created by characters with
alexithymia (a=no lexi=words thymia=for feelings) those without verbal facility for emotional expression, who act rather than speak emotion (psychosomatic vomiting, Hank's jealousy of his favored brother, older brother Glen's empathy for Hank's suffering in professionally defending their father, youngest brother Dale's joy in seeing the family reconciled). The Judge also provides examples of the Dunning-Kruger Effect: those with the least skill are the most highly confident, those with knowledge and wisdom are aware of potential unanticipated consequences and more restrained. Hanlon's Razor never assume malice for an outcome adequately explained by incompetence.
The Judge is 5* for inducing self reflection on one's own moral failures and triumphs over personal temptations.
Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
Tavris & Aronson
The Confidence Game: Why We Fall for It . . . Every Time
Konnikova the psychology of self delusion
The Invisible Gorilla: And Other Ways Our Intuitions Deceive Us
Chabris & Simons why we do not see what is right in front of our eyes, YouTube videos
What seems to us more important, more painful, and more unendurable is . . . merely that which is closer to home.
Everything distant which for all its important moans and muffled cries, its ruined lives and millions of victims,
that does not threaten to come rolling up to our threshold today we consider endurable and of tolerable dimensions.
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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