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Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone Paperback – March 4, 2015
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From Publishers Weekly
Goulston (Get Out of Your Own Way at Work) returns with a primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario—defiant executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples—through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Negotiating intractable situations is like driving up a steep hill, he posits, but most of us make the mistake of creating more resistance by shifting up; downshift, and you get control, he writes. His Persuasion Cycle filters illustrative snippets from counseling sessions during which he digs into an impressive bag of tricks—Magic Paradox, Impossibility Question, Empathy Jolt—techniques like martial arts moves: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them. His successful persuasion case studies include negotiating a police standoff and assisting a married couple's conflict resolution. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
[starred review] “Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and FBI hostage-negotiation trainer, Goulston provides brilliant yet doable techniques for getting through to others... This book transcends the self-help category by promoting real communication.” --Library Journal
“an impressive bag of tricks… a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful” --Publishers Weekly
"The most useful (five-star) book on communicating... Everyone can be a better communicator with the right knowledge, and this book makes learning interesting and easy." --Lindsey Novak, nationally syndicated "At Work" columnist
"It's a measure of how contentious work relationships can get that the author, a psychiatrist, draws on hostage-negotiation techniques to instruct readers on how to deal with 'defiant executives, angry employees or self-destructing management teams'.... Mission accomplished." --Time Magazine
"useful and applicable techniques and strategies for everything from getting teams to work together, to handling narcissistic clients (or is that a redundancy?), and getting your message across to even the most impenetrable people" --Accounting Today
"Just Listen is a banquet of approaches and ideas that's easy to devour the first time around, and a flavorful feast whenever you use portions as a reference book. It's certainly one of the best how-to books of the year." --Inland Empire Business Journal
"A primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario -- defiant executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples -- through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Illustrative snippets from counseling session reveal martial-arts like techniques: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful." --CareerBuilder.com
"Just Listen is not only helpful for any kind of business, it teaches a skill that will aid you outside of the office too." --Niche Magazine
"Just Listen is an excellent guide for learning how to break down barriers." --Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
“We’re all held captive when someone refuses to communicate. [Goulston’s] 12 easy tools to achieve buy-in and seven fast fixes for challenging situations are particularly helpful for everyday use.” --Working Strategies
“Who would benefit from reading Just Listen? I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t —customer service staff, managers, salespeople, parents, you name it…” --The Chronicle Herald
“Goulston helps the reader to learn how to get through to anyone.” --Business Now Magazine
“…offers nine core rules for reaching anyone, from Beelzebub down to the lowliest staffer, as well as a host of easy-to-use tools, concrete action steps, and illuminating examples.” --Accounting Today
“We all have difficult and unpleasant conversations throughout our lives…Mark gives us the key to not only making these conversations smoother, but help you communicate on a deeper level.” --Optimized Geek
“Hell, Sartre pointed out, is other people, but it turns out that there are ways to make them less devilish…trick is to learn to really listen in the way described by this book.” --Accounting Today
"[Mark Goulston] understands communication, and he understands people…Who would benefit from reading Just Listen? I can't think of anyone who wouldn't.” --The Chronicle Herald
“…useful insights into opening anyone up—a recalcitrant vendor, a desirable prospect, a client dragging ass….Goulston’s words gave me sizable goosebumps.” --Forbes.com
"...provides numerous insights and tips for impactful listening written in an engaging and thoroughly enjoyable manner." --Daily Times
Top Customer Reviews
If you aren't getting the results you want in your personal or professional life, there is probably a reason within your control--you probably aren't an effective communicator.
In pure Gouldston style--you are hit right between the eyes. In Section II Goulston shares his "nine core rules:"
1. Move yourself from "oh F#@& to OK"
2. Rewire yourself to listen
3. Make the other person feel "felt"
4. Be more interested than interesting
5. Make people feel valuable
6. Help people to exhale emotionally and mentally
7. Check your dissonance at the door
8. When all seems lost bare your neck
9. Steer clear of toxic people
You might read over this list and "yeah, yeah, yeah I do those things already." Do you? Do you really? What makes "Just Listen" so powerful is that Goulston shares several examples where he was out of alignment with these nine core rules. His transparency forces the reader to be more reflective and take personal responsibility.
Creating dissonance is the barrier I most need to resolve. I could see myself in several of the practical scenarios outlined. Having raised awareness I was sure this week would be different. The hardest part about being human is . . . well, being human.Read more ›
It's Labor Day, and I can't stop reading my new favorite book!
The book is `Just Listen,' by Mark Goulston.
As I read it, I find that each of his messages `hit's home' in three ways at once: it is simple to understand, easy to remember, and directly actionable. I find myself wanting to have my next big client interview right away - so I can try out these `easy to remember - easy to apply' techniques of communication.
What do I remember from the book? A series of `burning insights':
First, that my `reptile brain' (or amygdala) kicks in when I am `reactive' or `ballistic' (as I am on occasion), but if I can put a label on my feeling at that point - `I am upset' or `I am angry,' I can begin to get control over my response.
Mark carries this forward to the point where I can begin to have a `rational' conversation with myself, using my `human brain' - and, for example, with my wife(!) - but I'll leave that to him as he describes it in the book.
Key note: The point here is to `Listen to myself' and my own internal reactions. As Mark puts it, `if you want to open the lines of communication, open your own mind first.'
A second `burning insight': Make the other person `feel felt.' This one requires a kind of emotional intelligence - the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. When you learn to do it, you will find the `barriers' to communication begin to come down, and the window (or door) to building a new possibility of relationship begin to open.
A third `burning insight': How to increase the `PEP' in your business - or your family. `PEP' stands for passion, enthusiasm, and pride. I'll give you a hint - only try this one if you've got a thick skin.Read more ›
This book exceeded my expectations. "Just Listen" is engaging, enthralling, and practical. Dr. Goulston lays out a system for improving your communication style that you can live with - no "fancy-smancy-gotta-change-your-sacred-self-or-else" stuff here. Instead, Dr. Goulston provides practical, usable insight that is applicable for in both your professional and personal lives.
Who hasn't needed to give themselves a "jeckectomy" every once in a while, or move themselves mentally and emotionally from "Oh F#@& to OK"? Even before I finished reading (and re-reading) "Just Listen", I was already trying out some of the techniques from "The Nine Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone." The "Power Thank You?" I gave my mom one, and she cried. That one simple, powerful "thank you Mom" was a breakthrough in our relationship.
And if you're looking for real-life, day-to-day business scenarios in which to apply the techniques, look no further than the section titled, "Putting It All Together: Fast Fixes for Seven Challenging Situations." These scenarios would make team-building case studies and exercises!
No matter what you pay for this book, the insights inside are PRICELESS!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Highly Recommended! This book has had an immediate impact on how I communicate with others. I purchased the audio so I can listen to it while I workout. Read morePublished 2 days ago by Stephanie Harris
Easy read with points of insight that everyone can use everyday. In particular I found helpful how Dr. Houston ties in the science to the behavior and then gives practical tools.Published 9 days ago by Kindle Customer
Those of us who are passionate about our study of leadership, personal development or communication have all heard many times the principles of good listening. Read morePublished 26 days ago by jackhickey
A great book for everyone. Easy to understand and well written the author delivers answers to some common mishaps in communication. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Nanette Leah Hruby
Helpful book with techniques for dealing with difficult situations and difficult people.Published 1 month ago by Ann Rempel