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He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It Paperback – Bargain Price, April 27, 2010
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
"As someone who married her nontype, I can confidently say that Andrea nailed the process of how to mindfully date men who recognize and encourage you to be the best version of yourself - and never (okay, rarely) look back on the chumps who came before."
–Kristina Grish, author of The Joy of Text and Boy Vey!
“Written from a place of deep caring and experience, Syrtash points out that what we think we want, and what’s really good for us are often two different things. If this wise book doesn’t jolt you out of your old, broken dating patterns, nothing else will.”
--Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and author of Why You’re Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad
--Karen Salmansohn, author Prince Harming Syndrome
“Finally, real love lessons for single women without any “rules”! Kudos to Andrea for teaching us right from wrong and how not to settle for Mr. Maybe.”
Top Customer Reviews
1) If you feel unsuccessful about finding mister right at this point in your life, that means you have successfully avoided settling down with mister wrong to become just another divorce statistic. This is a positive!
2) But, if you feel negative toward dating, it is time to take positive steps toward your own acceptance behavior, with men whom you may not consider your exact type.
He's Just Not Your Type provides exercises that can help you generate a realistic outlook on your world as a whole. Of primary importance is eliminating the words "should" and "can't" from your spoken language, but even more important, from your MENTAL vocabulary. These two words she calls "gremlins." He's Just Not Your Type would have you use cognitive therapy on a regular basis to change negative thinking.
To do this, you write down a list of negatives that you regularly say to yourself and to others. Next, you write down positive rebukes for each negative.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
____"I should be a better conversationalist."
____"I can't go on a blind date,"
____"I can't just leave this poor man."
____"I will be a better conversationalist by reading the editorial page of my daily newspaper so I'm informed about fascinating topics to discuss with my date.Read more ›
So many of us date either the people we think we "should," as in the guy who looks great on paper, or... if we have a bit of a rebellious streak in us, the guy who we "shouldn't." What if we looked at dating in a different way? What if it's about who we love to be with? You think the title might be more about "thinking" our way through dating more sensibly (ie. settling again), but Andrea encourages us to "feel." How do we feel around this person? Do we feel more ourselves or do we become unrecognizable? (You crazy facebook stalkers know who you are.) She is not asking us to settle, she is actually encouraging us to do the very opposite. Find what REALLY makes us happy!
The other unexpected thing for me in reading this is how fun dating has been since. So many of us can become so negative about dating. But if you go into it with the attitude of, I wonder how I'm going to be around this "non-type"?Read more ›
ѾѾѾѾ Recommended with warm fuzzies.
In this book, dating and relationship writer, Andrea Syrtash, combines two main concepts: 1) the Albert Einstein quote of "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results", and 2) offering advice on how to think outside the box, to go beyond your preconceived notions of what your future partner looks like, what she refers to as "Think Outside the Box(ers)". Even though this book is targeted towards women, as a guy, I found that much of this book's comments and advice could also be applicable for men since we guys often also rule out women who we think of as being "not my type" just because of fixed mindsets or idealizations.
The book starts off with some pep talk and questions and list-making exercises designed to make you introspect on who you are and what you want. "What are you passionate about?" "What are your values?" Your mate should fulfill four essential roles: Partner, Friend, Companion, Lover. Also, make a list of what you must have and what you cannot stand in a relationship.
She spends a chapter talking about the concept of a "Soul Mate". A section called "You Complete Me" totally resonated and aligned with my thoughts. Personally, I have always disliked the notion of two halves making a whole in relationships, that idea that you are looking for your other half in order to become one whole. We should be looking for someone who is already complete as a human being on his/her own and looking for an equal partner. And Andrea mentions this in the "You Complete Me" section of the "What Is A Soul Mate" chapter. Basically, you should already be complete and happy with your own life before you can be happy in a relationship.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I always knew I had a "type," however, I never knew a "non-type" existed. Simply brilliant and true! Read morePublished 8 months ago by Amazon Customer
I read this book when I was 34 years old and had just gone through 2 painful breakups in a row.
Knowing I had to change something about the way I was looking for love, I read... Read more
If you read just one book on relationships, it should be this one. Andrea's book is different from - and so much better than - most relationship advice guides. Read morePublished 10 months ago by C. Valhouli
It was a good read, but I knew most of the things covered in this book and also have my own ideas on dating. Read morePublished 14 months ago by Arial
I LOVE THE GUIDE ON HOW TO PICK A SOUL MATE, HOWEVER, I THINK THE BOOK GIVES OPINIONS ABOUT ATTRACTIVE MEN NOT BEING IDEAL PARTNER, IT SEEMS TO IMPLY THAT ONLY MEN THAT YOU BARELY... Read morePublished on December 4, 2013 by Jacky
Great advice of what not to do in this age of social media and relationships. Offers good,advice and you should listenPublished on March 5, 2013 by Dino Man
I originally borrowed this book from the library. I liked it so much I had to buy my own copy! Lots of tips and activities for how to approach dating in a more authentic,... Read morePublished on May 1, 2012 by Peachez
A breath of fresh air - and damn good advice - in the world of dating advice/relationship books. Dating coach and columnist Andrea Syrtash conveys her critical message of... Read morePublished on August 7, 2011 by Marni Galison