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KEEPING THE LOVE YOU FIND: A Personal Guide Hardcover – February 1, 1992

4.5 out of 5 stars 103 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Atria; First Edition edition (February 1, 1992)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0671734199
  • ISBN-13: 978-0671734190
  • Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1.2 x 9.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (103 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #594,271 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
This is an exceptional book of its kind -- I usually loathe so called "Self-Help" books, but I find the author's "Imago" theory -- based on the belief that we subconciously seek out partners that resemble our parents because they trigger childhood wounds and/or parts of ourselves we have disowned, and the reason for this is that our subconcious has a deep yearning for those wounds to be healed, and for us to reclaim our shadow parts and become whole again. Is that long-winded enough ??? There's no magic answers here, but reading this book you may begin to understand why you repeat the same destructive behaviors in relationships, and begin to realize that far from being something that's beyond your control, it is in fact patterns that your subconcious is deliberately recreating, and will in fact continue to do so until you conciously decide to heal.
However, I find his assertion that complete healing is only possible within the context of a committed marriage to be a complete fallacy, and I base this assertion on experience, on individuals I know who have made incredible healing breakthroughs as single people. Yes, the guarantee of a committed lifelong partner and a commitment to each other's healing creates a stable and permanent environment for healing and growth to happen, but such healing and growth is possible outside the context of a marriage. It may involve more work and more commitment on the part of the individual, but believe me, its possible.
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Format: Paperback
Have you ever wrestled with youself when you want to call a girlfriend for the fifth time in a day? Ever immediately think that when someone doesn't answer the phone or return a call immediately, that something is falling apart in the relationship or that they are leaving you? Do you over-try to make someone like you? How about the flip side of this... do you run for cover if a relationship gets to close? Do you become more cold or callous towards your partner the warmer they become toward you?
I was always a hold-out on getting therapy until I had a second affair on my wife. At that point, the pattern of things I was doing became very obvious, but I didn't understand why I kept wanting to make sure I had an escape route from my relationships.
On the advice of my counselor, I went to pick up "Getting the Love You Want" guide for couples, but I also picked up this book as I felt it focused more on the individual. It made sense to me that if I didn't straighten myself out, how could I work on a relationship. I've thoroughly enjoyed working through this book (about 1/3 though so far) and it's written in a way that, for me, sparks thoughts constantly. I've noticed much more about myself than I ever did before and I feel like I'm getting the understanding I need so that I can move forward in being able to be in a mutually healthy relationship. Even in the beginning 1/3 of the book, I now see that the kind of person I marry (twice) and the kind of person I had an affair with (twice as I said before) are quite different from each other but EXTREMELY consistant to the other in their category. But I also see consistancy throughout all the people involved as well.
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By A Customer on January 10, 2000
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book is not handing out easy answers. The books main focus is helping you dig up your personal info. Such things as Upbringing, Dating History, Sexual History, Self-Opinion, Personality, Dreams, etc. When you understand more about yourself, you understand what you need.
A bit of warning though, Dr. Hendrix's book could leave you depressed at times. The exercises are very personal in nature and can reopen old wounds, traumas, etc. In the middle I asked myself "Is there any hope for me?" Hendrix answers with a firm, undeniable yes. And its true.
I would recommend it to anyone at any age who is willing to do some soul searching, emotional understanding, and self awareness.
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By A Customer on December 12, 2003
Format: Paperback
This book has been very helpful to my partner and I. It truly made a difference. In fact, we believe that the book was much more helpful than the therapist that recommended the book. While we used the book as a couple, I strongly recommended it to singles who want to understand themselves better. The exercises are key. If you want things to change for the better -- give this book a try. As for my partner and I, we used this book over a year ago and happily the effects have been lasting. Why am taking the time to write this? Because it sucks to be confused and unhappy and I've been there -- so if this helps anyone take a step in the right direction, I've done a good deed.
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Format: Paperback
Over the past five years, I have reread KTLYF and redone all the exercises several times (I'm midway through the fourth now). Each time, I learn more about myself and my relationships. Each time, I am enlightened by some new insight or gratified to see my hypotheses validated. KTLYF applies real, complex psychology principles in a way that lay people can understand. It's not easy. You are asked to do exercises to uncover yourself. If you don't do the exercises, the book will be of little value. The fastest I've ever been through the process has been a month of working on it several hours a day. But every minute is worth the time and the effort. I can see why I've made the choices I've made; I can see that they actually make sense; I don't need to beat myself up for making them. I am aware. And that awareness is a giant step toward healing and finding the type of love I seek. This is the best self-help book I've ever read.
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