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The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: With No Pills, No Therapy, No Contest of Wills Hardcover – January 1, 2008

by Alan E. Kazdin (Author)

616 ratings

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The director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic draws on his three decades of experience to present parents with a step-by-step program for coping with difficult and defiant youngsters that shatters common myths about discipline, tantrums, time-outs, and more while offering effective solutions and approaches for common problems.

Editorial Reviews

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Kazdin, director of the Yale Parenting Center and Conduct Clinic as well as president of the American Psychological Association, claims his method works with no pills, no therapy and no contest of wills. Instead, Kazdin uses a practical, science-based method of dealing with behavioral problems in children that relies on positive reinforcement and a reward system. Kazdin doesn't dwell on the scientific research (it seems the reader must trust him on this), though he claims his method works about 80% of the time with serious problems and therefore should have even greater success with everyday behavior glitches. He outlines a plan to help parents focus on the positive opposite (in other words, what they want the child to do) and then takes them step-by-step through a process of praise and reward. Though Kazdin's approach seems complicated at first, his easygoing and often humorous tone gently guides readers through an array of problem scenarios, including bedtime, tantrums, grocery shopping with a younger child, getting ready for the school day and homework. The author promises long-lasting results for a temporary investment in his practical, positive method; parents may be well rewarded if they give it a try. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Alan E. Kazdin is John M. Musser Professor of Psychology at Yale University and director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0618773673
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 1, 2008
Edition ‏ : ‎ 1st
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780618773671
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0618773671
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.15 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.25 x 1 x 9.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #797,649 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #361 in Parenting (Books)

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616 ratings

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Alan E. Kazdin

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ALAN E. KAZDIN is John M. Musser Professor of Psychology at Yale University and director of Yale's Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic. He is 2008 president of the American Psychological Association and the author of many professional-audience books on child psychology and behavior published in dozens of countries. Kazdin lives in Hamden, Connecticut.

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Customers find this parenting book practical and well-explained in a friendly way, with clear guidance on what to do. The methods work effectively, and customers appreciate the loving approach to parenting. They value the book's sensible advice and consider it well worth the investment. They like the approach to discipline, with one customer noting it helps respond to difficult behavior without yelling and fighting.

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Advice Ease of understanding Effectiveness Parenting style Value for money Punishment

102 customers mention "Advice"102 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very helpful and practical, providing sensible advice and clear guidance on behavior modification.

"...up with children they just don't like, this book contains the best parenting advice available...." Read more

"...Kazdin also provides really helpful suggestions for program modifications based on the child's age, the severity of the issue, having more than 1..." Read more

"...his other, The Everyday Parenting Toolkit, are full of the most up-to-date parenting information. A must-read." Read more

"...Now to the book - I loved it. There is a focus on being mindful about how to discipline children and to move away from techniques that don't work..." Read more

50 customers mention "Ease of understanding"45 positive5 negative

Customers find the book well-explained in a friendly way, with easy-to-read terms and logical methods that are laid out in excruciating detail.

"...(no probation record, can pay attention in class, and such), this book is an excellent resource...." Read more

"...pulls it all together into a more systematic "program" that is really easy to use...." Read more

"...Written like a psychology textbook, the work is dense. You’ll want to take notes in the margins and digest each chapter...." Read more

"...It's surprisingly easy to grasp the concepts- and there's no blaming, diagnosing, or need to think too hard about WHY...." Read more

21 customers mention "Effectiveness"21 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's methods very effective, explaining what works well.

"...of the list in terms of useful, specific advice, and positive outcome from using the program." Read more

"...I ordered this book and it changed my life. My daughter loves the method, which helped her to be more independent in the morning and gain praise for..." Read more

"...The method is logical, relatively easy, and my daughter finds it a lot of fun...." Read more

"...This book explains what does work, and he lays it all out in excruciating detail so you basically can't go wrong...." Read more

16 customers mention "Parenting style"16 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the parenting style of the book, describing it as loving and effective, with one customer noting it makes the experience more enjoyable.

"...child, who goes to bed when she is supposed to, loves school, is kind to others, and wants to please...." Read more

"...spill over to the rest of the week, and it has really made parenting a lot more enjoyable...." Read more

"...You can feel this author's warm approach with parents, while still getting the necessary scientific research based information necessary...." Read more

"Dr. Kazdin and his colleagues have given me a clear, dignified, and loving approach for wanting to be around my grandsons again...." Read more

7 customers mention "Value for money"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well worth the investment.

"...This book is way more worth than what you could ever imagine...." Read more

"this book is worth every cent i pays for it, as it gives clear guidance on what to do, why and how to do it...." Read more

"...It takes effort and work but it is well worth it when you see a transformed child. He does a great job in his presentation...." Read more

"This book is the best investment I've ever made in Parenting Books...." Read more

6 customers mention "Punishment"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's approach to discipline, with one mentioning it helps respond to difficult behavior without yelling and fighting, while another notes its focus on reinforcement and punishment principles.

"...In this book, Dr. Kazdin lays out the basic principles of reinforcement and punishment and shows how reward/sticker charts can be used to modify..." Read more

"...Reinforcement for good behavior is the answer, not punishment." Read more

"...the parent who is looking to understand and respond to difficult behavior without yelling and fighting. Puts terms in easy to understand format...." Read more

"...Talks about the power of positive feedback, versus persistent punishing, etc...." Read more

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JET
The BEST Book on the market!!! Don't waste time buying the other books.
Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2014
Format: KindleVerified Purchase

I must say I 've been a proud supporter of this book. Even my daughter's play therapist was impressed and decided to look into this book and recommend it to her other clients. This book is way more worth than what you could ever imagine. After spending much money on insurance deductibles, co-pays, play therapy sessions, ADHD evaluation sessions, etc for a 4 year old who had the school calling me at work on a daily basis for her defiant behavior....I read at least 8 different parenting books, tried different things over a period of 8 months, and even consulted with a well-known ADHD- ODD expert, who's name I won't mention..but recommended methods that basically mimicked the content of this book. It turned out that my little one was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, a form of ADHD, and because she is sharp as a whip..so many teachers and family members ignorantly doubted any form of ADHD, mistakenly thinking that ADHD affected one's level of intelligence, when it doesn't necessarily. This was the last book I read, tried and found it more effective than any other previous options I ran across.

If you don't have money for anything else, start here. Haven't had a phone call at work since. Knowing how to best parent my 4 year old (as a single mom of a kid who visits with her defiant and disagreeable dad every other weekend) and confidently guide her in a way that let's her be the firecracker she is (with the proper boundaries, rewards, and consequences that she can understand and respect)...now that's a peace of mind that is priceless.

All the other random advice from those teachers and school officials who have been dealing with kids for 20+ years, would not work with my kid. Even my own grandmother and mom both admitted this was an issue that was way out of their league, since I was a quiet child and had a 4 year old that thought she was born a rock star and that rules, expectations, and guidelines were optional when in the classroom setting with teachers who wouldn't enforce consequences consistently like mommy would. These teachers acted as if they were afraid of my kid, timidly begging her to listen instead of requiring her to do what she was told in order to do something else she liked later. My kid can smell fear in other adults and eats it for lunch. LOL

Please don't mind my enthusiastic rambling, but when I was walking thru this journey, I needed a review like this to meet me where my family was at the time and give me hope, when others just threw up their hands and said "I don't know what to say other than boy, do you have your hands full." Hopefully, this will help someone else too.

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Derek Grimmell
I use this in my practice...
Reviewed in the United States on January 25, 2009
Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
Alan Kazdin is one of a half-dozen psychologists who have devoted their lives to research and treatment of problem children. This book has been a godsend to dozens of parents I see in my clinical practice. In fact, I buy it in quantity, stock it in my office, and sell it to them AT COST so they can refer to it at home. I have gotten very good feedback.

Who WOULD benefit from this book? The answer is in the title: parents of DEFIANT children. These are children who are cognitively normal, not involved in crime or criminal threat groups, and not addicted to drugs, yet are defiant, argumentative, disobedient, and generally tiresome around the house. For the millions of parents who have ended up with children they just don't like, this book contains the best parenting advice available.

Some children have special problems, such as autistic-spectrum disorders, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, and the like. The bottom line is, any child who does not respond positively to the program in this book (fully implemented, not attempted halfway or half-heartedly) should be taken for a psychological evaluation to determine what factors play into the discipline problems other than parenting practices. For example, ADHD can't be parented away, but if it is PROPERLY medicated, then the remaining behavior problems can be parented away using the principles in this book or similar books.

For children with attention problems I recommend and use Russell Barkley's books on the defiant child and defiant teen, as Barkley has specialized in working with this population. For children with conduct disorder, there's almost no hope of success unless the parents work with a psychologist who is trained in the behavior protocols designed specifically for conduct-disordered children -- and even these may be insufficient. A parent with a complex problem such as this should never just buy a book and try to treat the problem at home, any more than they would buy a home surgical guide and take out their own child's appendix.

Bottom line: if your child is driving you nuts, but has no obvious really serious problems (no probation record, can pay attention in class, and such), this book is an excellent resource. Buy it, read it, and apply it. If it doesn't work, find a psychologist who specializes in behavior problems in children, who knows Barkley's and Kazdin's work, and who is familiar with diagnosis and treatment of a variety of childhood disorders -- NOT a psychologist who will do play therapy or just talk to the kid, but one who follows specific treatment protocols for serious behavior problems. If you can't find one, either go through the website for the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy, or the American Board for Clinical and Child Psychology, [...] They will help you find someone who specializes in this challenging domain.

And good luck with your children.

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174 people found this helpful

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Mkdavies
Smart, simple approach for ANY parent
Reviewed in the United States on August 30, 2012
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
I have 2 girls (ages 3 and 5) and bought this book because we were struggling with discipline for the little one. I would not have described her behavior as "defiant" - more just regular 3-year-old antics, but still undesirable behaviors that we wanted to nip in the bud.

I am SO GLAD I got this book! Kazdin encapsulates a lot of what I already knew from parenting experience. I can't say there is anything in this book that seemed surprising or brand new. However, he pulls it all together into a more systematic "program" that is really easy to use. We've been doing a points program for 1 week now and already our dynamic has changed. The program is giving me a new way to relate to both of my kids, not just our "challenging" one. It sets the stage in advance for good behavior, instead of waiting for a problem and then reacting negatively. Both of my kids are doing well with the program and have started asking for other tasks they can do to earn more points. Best of all, in just a few days I feel like I'm enjoying my kids more and having more fun with them. What parent doesn't want that?

Kazdin also provides really helpful suggestions for program modifications based on the child's age, the severity of the issue, having more than 1 child in the house, how to add other behaviors or tweak the program, and (importantly) how to phase out the program so you're not stuck awarding points forever. I have read a lot of parenting books over the years, and I consider this to be at the top of the list in terms of useful, specific advice, and positive outcome from using the program.

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pratique, efficace et respectueux de l'enfant
Reviewed in France on November 8, 2008
Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

Alors que le débat fait rage en France autour de l'autorité et de la punition, Kazdin offre des solutions pratiques qui ont été validées et améliorées au fil des ans à la lumière d'essais, d'erreurs et de corrections. Cette approche est le fruit d'analyses empiriques et d'hypothèses validées ou réfutées au fur et à mesure par l'expérience.

La question à laquelle ce livre veut apporter une réponse est : comment modifier le comportement d'un enfant ? comment faire qu'il ne tape plus, qu'il range un minimum, qu'il ne détruise plus les objets quand on lui dit non, qu'il n'injurie plus ? etc... Comment éviter que cela ne tourne au pugilat entre parents et enfants, que ce soit l'escalade de la violence ou au contraire tout laisser faire et ne plus rien dire ou tenter ? L'auteur refuse la violence physique, claques ou fessées, mais refuse aussi la démission des parents.

L'approche est très pratique et opérationnelle, elle est assise sur un corpus théorique solide, que l'auteur n'invoque jamais pour mieux convaincre. Il ne s'agit pas dans cet ouvrage du versant chercheur ou théoricien de Kazdin, mais du thérapeute qui cherche des solutions avec les parents.

Le succès de ce livre et de l'approche qu'il préconise n'est pas garantie en France, car elle est aux antipodes de beaucoup d'idées reçues issues de notre "tradition" d'éducation fondée sur la sanction, mais aussi aux antipodes d'une approche psychanalytique fondée sur le discours, la discussion pour convaincre et faire changer.La théorie qui fonde l'ouvrage est le behaviorisme. Elle est rapidement et facilement rejetée en France, souvent par ceux qui n'ont jamais lu une ligne des auteurs, chercheurs ou praticiens de ce courant de psychologie. Les choses changent, espérons que cet ouvrage y contribuera.

Concrètement, Kazdin recommande de :
1) décrire le comportement souhaité (et non plus celui que l'on ne veut pas)
2) prêter attention aux bons comportements dès qu'ils apparaissent
3) récompenser et valoriser ces bons comportements plutôt qu'attaquer les mauvais.
Il détaille les modalités de mise en oeuvre de façon très concrète selon les tranches d'âge, et prend le temps de convaincre les parents qui pensent "rien ne vaut une bonne fessée !" qu'ils font fausse route.
La méthode est efficace, je l'ai mise en oeuvre avec mon dernier de 4 ans, qui joue un peu trop facilement des poings. La situation a changé très rapidement, et les relations sont apaisées, plus agréables pour tout le monde.

Derrière un ton très terre à terre et concret, on sent chez l'auteur une réflexion profonde sur la façon de régler des problèmes qui peuvent prendre des conséquences catastrophiques au fil des ans. L'amour des enfants transparait aussi, de ces enfants dans des situations graves que l'auteur a vu en consultation au fil des années.

Un dernier point : il faut noter que le livre traite de l'éducation d'enfants jusqu'à l'entrée de l'adolescence, au delà il ne dit pas grand chose, car les questions sont beaucoup plus complexes. C'est très honnête de la part de l'auteur.

A recommander à tous les parents qui ne savent plus comment s'en sortir. Moins facile qu'il n'y parait à mettre en oeuvre, le résultat en vaut la peine.

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AmericanAbroad
Real help
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 27, 2025
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
This is a book that really helps. Star charts and sticker charts are almost always done wrong. Stick w8th this and you will see real change, even with special needs kids. This and How to Really Love Your Child are two of my favourite parenting books.

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Amazon Customer
The name of the book is misleading.
Reviewed in Canada on April 25, 2014
Format: KindleVerified Purchase
The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Oppositional Child, by Alan Kazdin.

The name of the book is misleading. This is a book about positive, solution-focused, empathic parenting. The typical phrases I hear from parents after they read this book is: “We (parents and kids) prepared a reward chart together,” and, “The nagging at home disappeared!” When I ask kids if they want to continue the reward chart, they answer: “Yes! I like the reward chart.” This book models solution-focused, positive parenting.

This book also clearly presents the concept that parenting programs do not always equal parents imposing their wishes on their kids. I recently heard a popular parenting book writer (not Dr. Kazdin) state basically, “Parenting programs equal parents imposing their wishes on their children, completely ignoring the feelings of their children, etc.” I imagine this bright and well-intentioned professional came to this extreme view from his frustration of learning about kids’ views and wishes being completely ignored in some parenting programs. I see where he is coming from, and I share his frustration, but the methods of Dr. Kazdin are definitely not like this stereotype.

I have read over 20 parenting books, and I have found this book to be the best one by far. Highly recommended. I have myself purchased over 10 copies of this book for lending to families at our clinic in Manitoba. School principals at our community have read this book and implemented the program at their schools with amazing results. Definitily worth the money and the time invested in reading and implementing the wisdom that Dr. Kazdin shares with us in this landmark book.

Dr. Kazdin book should really be called "How to Develop, Collaborating with Your Kids, A Behavioural Plan for the Entire Family Including Rules, Routines, and Focusing on Strengths." The blurb should say, “Follow our program and you all (parents and kids) will be happier and you will have the time and peace of mind to develop more meaningful connections with your children!” The title would be long. It would probably also shun the parents that need the book the most — the ones currently focused only on bad behaviours —so Dr. Kazdin’s title is probably a better title for his book. I bet he thought a lot about it!

Watch too the video:

Run, Jump, Learn! How Exercise can Transform our Schools: John J. Ratey, MD at TEDxManhattanBeach:

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Pablo Estrada
Producto usado, no nuevo!
Reviewed in Mexico on May 4, 2024
Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
El libro está usado y en mal estado, si fuera de segunda mano se entiende, pero no pagué por algo usado.

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Pablo Estrada

Producto usado, no nuevo!

Reviewed in Mexico on May 4, 2024
El libro está usado y en mal estado, si fuera de segunda mano se entiende, pero no pagué por algo usado.

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steven
My wife and I have read it and its really easy to follow and understand
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 31, 2017
Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
This book was really helpful. My wife and I have read it and its really easy to follow and understand. It gave us lots to think about and has helped us set our kids on the right path.

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5.0 out of 5 stars The BEST Book on the market!!! Don't waste time buying the other books.

5.0 out of 5 stars I use this in my practice...

4.0 out of 5 stars Smart, simple approach for ANY parent

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars pratique, efficace et respectueux de l'enfant

5.0 out of 5 stars Real help

5.0 out of 5 stars The name of the book is misleading.

1.0 out of 5 stars Producto usado, no nuevo!

Producto usado, no nuevo!

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4.0 out of 5 stars My wife and I have read it and its really easy to follow and understand

The BEST Book on the market!!! Don't waste time buying the other books.

I use this in my practice...

Smart, simple approach for ANY parent

pratique, efficace et respectueux de l'enfant

Real help

The name of the book is misleading.

Producto usado, no nuevo!

My wife and I have read it and its really easy to follow and understand