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The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant Paperback – June 1, 2000

by Dan Savage (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 336 ratings
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Dan Savage's nationally syndicated sex advice column, "Savage Love," enrages and excites more than four million people each week. In The Kid, Savage tells a no-holds-barred, high-energy story of an ordinary American couple who wants to have a baby. Except that in this case the couple happens to be Dan and his boyfriend. That fact, in the face of a society enormously uneasy with gay adoption, makes for an edgy, entertaining, and illuminating read. When Dan and his boyfriend are finally presented with an infant badly in need of parenting, they find themselves caught up in a drama that extends well beyond the confines of their immediate world. A story about confronting homophobia, falling in love, getting older, and getting a little bit smarter, The Kid is a book about the very human desire to have a family.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    256 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Penguin Books
  4. Publication date
    June 1, 2000
  5. Dimensions
    5.3 x 0.57 x 7.97 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0452281768
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0452281769
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Savage tackles the politics of gay adoption head-on...Intelligent and honest...a love story, an argument, and a how-to book all in one".

-- The San Francisco Chronicle

From the Back Cover

From Dan Savage, the writer whose sex-advice column, "Savage Love", enrages and excites four million people every week, comes the story of his journey into parenthood.

For Dan and his boyfriend Terry, the odyssey begins at a seminar in Portland where (after rejecting the idea of making a "biokid" with a lesbian couple, a lesbian single, and their straight next-door neighbor), they decide on an "open adoption". The birth mother who selects them as the adoptive parents for her child is a street kid named Melissa, who drinks and uses drugs during pregnancy and who, despite doctor's orders, is still living on the streets. As Dan and Terry tag along on her prenatal visits and the due date rapidly approaches, the fears common to adoptive parents mount: What if the baby isn't healthy? What if we aren't parent material? What if the birth mother changes her mind and decides to keep the baby?

In The Kid, Dan Savage shares his views on what it means to be gay and raising a child in America today. In the process, he takes his usual scathingly funny potshots at everything from growing up gay to committing to a younger man, from the gay left to the religious right, homophobia...love...getting fat...getting married...getting older...and the very human desire to have a family.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Penguin Books; Reissue edition (June 1, 2000)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0452281768
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0452281769
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.3 x 0.57 x 7.97 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 336 ratings

About the author

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

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Dan Savage is a writer, activist, and TV personality best known for his political and social commentary, as well as his honest approach to sex, love and relationships.

Savage is the author of: American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics; The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family; Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America (Lambda Literary Award for Nonfiction); The Kid: What Happened When My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant (PEN West Award for Creative Nonfiction); and Savage Love. He co-authored How to be a Person. The Kid was adapted into an Off-Broadway play and has recently been optioned for film.

Savage is the Editorial Director of The Stranger, Seattle's weekly alternative newspaper, and his writing has appeared in widely in publications including The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, GQ, Rolling Stone, The Onion, and Salon.com. Savage is also a contributor to Ira Glass's This American Life. "Savage Love" is syndicated in newspapers and websites throughout the United States, Canada, Europe and Asia.

In 2010, Savage and his husband, Terry Miller, launched a YouTube video meant to offer hope to bullied LGBTQ youth. The It Gets Better Project has become a global movement, inspiring more than 50,000 videos. Savage and Miller co-edited the It Gets Better book, published in March 2011. In 2012, the It Gets Better Project received the Governors Award at the Creative Arts Emmys.

Savage grew up in Chicago and now lives in Seattle, Washington with his husband and their son, DJ.

Photos by LaRae Lobdell.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
336 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Paige A. Strickland
5.0 out of 5 stars Review of: The Kid, (What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to go get Pregnant) an adoption story by Dan Savage
Reviewed in the United States on September 11, 2017
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Review of: The Kid, (What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to go get Pregnant) an adoption story by Dan Savage

Writer/ Journalist, Dan Savage appears to be an adoptive parent who gets it. He’s written a book about his and his partner, Terry’s experience when they decided to adopt a baby in the 1990s.

With great detail, humor, and compassion for their son, his birth mother and fellow adoptive parents, Savage explains the deeply thought out process of deciding to become parents. He describes how he and his partner felt while attending pre-parenting classes and meetings with the biological mom which their Portland, Oregon agency arranged.

This book is important for all members of the adoption constellation because Savage offers his unique perspective as a future adoptive parent in the public eye due to his career plus also a member of the LGBTQ community. It is unique because there are few adoption-themed books available from this social group, although the vast majority of his experiences and attitudes while waiting are universal to many couples who are expecting a baby. The Kid is probably one of the funniest books you’ll ever read on this subject as well.

This was a fun summer read because it was light and uplifting. However, Savage is the kind of person who masters humor to cope with and deflect his sincere feelings of compassion, love, care, and respect for the community of adoptive parents, social workers, his partner and especially their birth mother and son.
2 people found this helpful
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Kathleen D.
5.0 out of 5 stars amazing read!
Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2023
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I’m not sure (being such a huge fan of Dan Savage’s writing) why I didn’t expect this book to be so full of humor, but there so many laugh-out-loud passages that I had to be sure I wasn’t sipping a beverage while reading after a couple,of unfortunate incidents! The bald humanity that Savage gifts to his readers is such a gift.
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World Traveler
4.0 out of 5 stars Deeply personal account of the adoption process
Reviewed in the United States on May 4, 2005
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Dan Savage and his partner decide to make the step to adopt a child together, and this book tracks the entire process in minute detail, and the feelings and ethical dilemmas that present themselves at each and every turn. (Should I tell my mother even though it's not certain yet? What should we name the child? How much contact should we allow the birth father? etc -- there are dozens explored in the book) At the same time, Savage doesn't lose his sense of humor, a rather sarcastic one at that (something that unfortunately a few readers/reviewers here missed).

Yes, he does step up onto the soapbox a few times, but his preaching is always relevant to the stage of the process he's in. He usually explains how the entire process of adopting a child is quite a bit different for gay parents, in many ways that are not immediately obvious. And there are some social/legal inequities that are only fair to point out.

In the end, though, it was a satisfying, honest account of this life-changing event in their lives. It was a quick, enjoyable read.

It's true that an editor could have corrected some of the misspellings, and cleaned up the text from repititions, though. It doesn't really take away from the story, though.
6 people found this helpful
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theta444
5.0 out of 5 stars I wish this ranked higher in the general "adoption" category...
Reviewed in the United States on December 16, 2011
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...for those of us who are modern/Millennial/Generation X/urbanite/blue-state/possibly heterosexual/open-minded families. A lot of the books that come up in adoption searches are treacly Chicken Soup for the Adoptee's Soul type stuff, or very Christian-oriented (as are many adoption agencies).
I set out to read this because I've been a fan of Dan Savage's column for over 10 years and we were thinking about adoption, so I was looking for something not-so-treacly-or-Christian.
I was rewarded by his typical honesty and acerbity, and also humanistic respect-with-a-dash-of-realism for the other people involved in the process, from his in-laws, to his son's birth mother, to the agency's workers.

And though this generally labelled and categorized under "Gay and Lesbian Adoption," I thought for the most part the experiences were more applicable than not to every couple looking at open adoption. There are some passages that talk about the unique aspects of adopting as a gay couple (they never struggled with fertility; they thought they would never have the ability to get married; the way they were treated by some family members) and about some political and moral issues around discrimination against gay people, which I could see turning off someone conservative. Thankfully, due to the work of Dan and many other activists, most of these issues have become part of the national dialogue between the time the book was written and now--so to anyone who is reading it specifically for a memoir on open adoption, those passages are more tangential and mundane, than radical.

In short, I recommend this to anyone who is considering open adoption, and looking for something respectful but fun to read about it. I don't recommend it to anyone who is homophobic or disrespectful of queer families.
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Top reviews from other countries

WindingWay
5.0 out of 5 stars Couldn't put it down
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 13, 2017
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I never expected an adoption memoir to be gripping, but I couldn't put this down. Savage is funny, charming, honest and self-deprecating in the right places, but not to an indulgent degree. He works through the implications of gay adoption in an enlightening and entertaining way. I'd especially recommend this book to those who are planning to to adopt – LGBT or otherwise, but it could charm anyone except for perhaps the most bigoted among us, and I bet even they would have trouble suppressing a smile here and there...
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G. Vassy
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book - profound and funny
Reviewed in Canada on September 23, 2013
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Dan's narrative style is as crisp as ever as he describes the process of becoming a parent through less conventional means. A must read for anyone looking to adopt or anyone who just enjoys a tremendously good read. Highly recommend it!
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Fabler
5.0 out of 5 stars Dan Savage is a great author and satyrist
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 17, 2016
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Dan Savage is a great author and satyrist, besides being an excellent advice columnist. It could have been proofread a little better but in all it's a light and entertaining read even though it tackles some serious political issues in America.
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M. Parker
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent and very personal exploration of both LGBT lifestyles and ...
Reviewed in Canada on October 19, 2014
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An excellent and very personal exploration of both LGBT lifestyles and the strangeness of adoptions in America. Savage is the man!
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Li Taylor
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 1, 2020
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Great book and such an amazing journey written by a talented author
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