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The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship Hardcover – December 20, 2016
The Amazon Book Review
Author interviews, book reviews, editors picks, and more. Read it now
“Some sociologists have called our culture the argument culture. We focus on our differences and freely shoot verbal bombs at each other. I can’t believe that any of us are happy with the divisiveness we have created. Is there a road back to civility? I believe there is, and Shaunti Feldhahn is pointing the way with The Kindness Challenge. I highly recommend this book and believe it has the potential of changing the emotional climate in our culture.”
—Gary Chapman, PhD, author of The Five Love Languages
“This book is an amazingly powerful tool that will transform your heart and your relationships from the inside out.”
—Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
“Shaunti Feldhahn did it again. Where others make guesses, she does research. Kindness isn’t just something nice to do; it’s a game changer in all of our relationships. I encourage you to take that kindness challenge.”
—Chip Ingram, founder of Living on the Edge and senior pastor of Venture Christian Church
“If kindness means care and concern for others, when would it ever be the wrong approach? Imagine a world that is not rude, self-serving, impatient, and hurried. Shaunti Feldhahn challenges us to rise above culture, open our hearts, and experience the life changing benefits of kindness. We desperately need this kindness challenge!”
—Cheryl A. Bachelder, CEO of Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Inc. and author of Dare to Serve
“In her latest book, Shaunti Feldhahn has touched on one of the most important elements of any healthy relationship—kindness! We all know we should be kind, but do we know why? And how? Shaunti has provided an inspiring roadmap for anyone who wants to nurture their most important relationships.”
—Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family
“Just when I thought I understood what it meant to be kind, along came Shaunti Feldhahn. Her compelling evidence taught me that there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to weaving kindness into our everyday lives. After reading this book, I took the challenge—and it transformed my relationships. Shaunti believes kindness is a superpower, and I agree 100 percent.”
—Chris Brown, national radio show host of Chris Brown’s True Stewardship, a division of Dave Ramsey Solutions
“This concept is so simple, so profound, so doable, and so inspiring. I am taking the kindness challenge, and it is making a difference in my heart and in my home. Truly, as Shaunti’s research proves, the kinder you are, the happier you are. I am recommending this book to everyone who has any relationship issues or anyone who just flat-out wants to be a happier, wiser person.”
—Jennifer Rothschild, author of Lessons I Learned in the Dark and Me, Myself and Lies
“Struggling to show kindness to that difficult person in your life? This book will equip you with the motivation, the inspiration, and the practical tools to transform your relationships—even for those really hard-to-love co-workers and family members!”
—Crystal Paine, founder of MoneySavingMom.com and New York Times bestselling author of Say Goodbye to Survival Mode
“Shaunti Feldhahn is the Relationship Whisperer. Her groundbreaking research, brilliant insights, practical applications, and inspiring calls to action will transform your relationships in profound ways. Imagine how different your life would look if your most difficult relationship became one of your healthiest. The Kindness Challenge can make that a reality. Shaunti lays out a compelling plan that has already improved countless relationships, and it will undoubtedly work for you as well. Guaranteed.”
—Dave and Ashley Willis, bestselling authors and founders of StrongerMarriages.org
“I hope The Kindness Challenge becomes a worldwide movement of changed lives. The power of kindness has the capacity to transform any marriage, family, and even work environment. You can’t take on this challenge and not improve your life. I took Shaunti’s kindness challenge personally, and I invite you to do the same. Kindness matters. Spread the word.”
—Jim Burns, PhD, president of HomeWord, author of Creating an Intimate Marriage and Confident Parenting
“The Kindness Challenge is the right book at the right time. With our world becoming harsher and coarser, Shaunti’s message of love is a God-sent antidote. She’s captured how being kind changes our hearts toward other people, and how God mysteriously uses that kindness superpower to change everything! Get ready to be rocked by kindness.”
—Chuck Finney, president of Finney Media
“Got a grumpy neighbor? A rocky relationship with a friend? A family member who gets on your very last nerve? If you’ve ever longed to see these people change their behavior, then this book…well, it won’t do that. But it will empower you to change the four things you actually can: your perspective, your attitude, your actions, and your reactions. The Kindness Challenge is a practical tool that will transform the way you view—and treat—others as you make it your habit to praise rather than pester, to impart kindness rather than criticism, and to treat others with generosity and dignity, just as Jesus did. Highly recommended!”
—Karen Ehman, Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker and New York Times bestselling author of Keep It Shut and Listen, Love, Repeat
“Stop whatever you’re doing and read this book! Take the challenge! Why? Because it’s about to revolutionize your relationships. All of them. And it’s easier than you might imagine. Shaunti lays out a proven and practical plan that anyone can follow. Your life won’t be the same after reading this book.”
—Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, #1 New York Times bestselling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
“Shaunti has done it again! The Kindness Challenge is another example of how she pulls golden nuggets out of research. She offers up three easy, practical steps you can make in your relationships to take them to the next level.”
—Craig Gross, founder of XXXchurch.com and co-author of Through a Man’s Eyes
“We are all looking for the easy button in relationships. Shaunti has helped us find it. While it’s not always easy to be kind—especially when we really don’t want to be—it matters greatly in the relationships that mean so much to us. I’m taking the words on these pages seriously, and I hope you will too!”
—Jill Savage, CEO of Hearts at Home and author of No More Perfect Marriages
“Shaunti Feldhahn is right when she says kindness is a superpower. Whether you decide to embrace the kindness challenge for your spouse, child, or neighbor, your life will be changed. The Kindness Challenge is a great first step in loving others well.”
—Mark and Susan Merrill, founders of Family First, All Pro Dad, and iMom
“In a world that understands payback but not patience, a world that is not only thoughtless but has completely forgotten how to say thank you, The Kindness Challenge is a desperately needed resource. Learning not only to get along with people but to invest in them with the purposeful, intentional act of being kind is both world changing and people changing. Take the challenge to change those you love with kindness—and let kindness change the very essence of who you are.”
—Kathi Lipp, bestselling author of The Husband Project, Clutter Free, and Overwhelmed
About the Author
Social researcher and international speaker Shaunti Feldhahn is the author of many groundbreaking books, including For Women Only, For Men Only, The Male Factor, and The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, which have sold more than two million copies in twenty-four languages.
Shaunti earned her master’s degree at Harvard University and worked on Wall Street and Capitol Hill before developing an innovative research method to deliver insights about personal and work relationships that most people miss. Shaunti’s findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The New York Times and Patheos, Cosmo and iMom.
Shaunti’s husband Jeff is the founder of World2One, a disruptive pro-privacy marketing technology. The Feldhahns live in Atlanta with their teenage daughter and son, and two cats who think they are dogs.
Top customer reviews
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But not to worry! In her new book, Shaunti leads us through the 30-Day Kindness Challenge by challenging our preconceived notions about how negative we really are (ouch!) and shows us ways to be kinder. When I did the challenge, I saw changes in my marriage almost immediately even though my husband didn’t even know about the challenge! The principles in this book (and the results I got doing the challenge!) are changing me and my relationships from the inside out.
I love, love, love that she addresses the denial most of us are in about how we treat other people. She gives lots of relatable stories to help the reader confront how often unkindness has become the default for all of us. She doesn't stop there, though.
As someone who likes practical writing, I appreciate she took the time to do some serious research on the topic. I am not sure how she funds her research, but it puts a little weight behind what she is suggesting. She isn't relying solely on antidotal evidence from fans' comments to prove her points.
Feldhahn's research suggests her kindness plan works in almost every relationship. Yet, she hastens to add that kindness does not mean you allow people to abuse you or fail to provide correction for children or employees. Rather, she teaches you how to frame that boundary or correction in kindness, making it much more effective. In her words, kindness is not necessarily always the same as "being nice".
The three basic principles sound simple enough - cut the negativity, praise and do small acts of kindness. So why read the book? Because most of us think we already do those things and it isn't making a difference. As she breaks down each step, while providing examples and empirical data, the light begins to dawn on the reader. We really aren't nearly as kind - nor do we know how to be kind - as much as we think.
At that point, she gives lots of practical examples and suggestions for behaviors to replace the negative ones we all have and regularly practice without much thought. The back section in particular has a specific challenge for each of thirty days for ways husbands can be kinder to wives, wives to husbands, and for doing it for anyone other than a spouse. None of the challenges were particularly difficult in and of themselves. The challenge is more about being intentional and consistent in your kindness towards others.
Even though I was given a copy for free in exchange for my honest review, I have already put in pre-orders for additional copies for others. Frankly, if I could afford it, I would buy this book by the caseload and hand them out to everyone I know. Yes, the Bible should be enough to convict us to be kind, but maybe a lot of us need this book to give us specific tips and instructions. If you read this book and aren't challenged to take another look at your own words and actions, make some adjustments or major changes and pass it on to others in your life, I will be shocked. It's just that practical and helpful.
A copy of this book was given to me for free in exchange for my honest review.