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I Kissed Dating Goodbye Hardcover – January 1, 1997
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Has very little wear on the cover.Has clean, unmarked pages. Binding is tight and in excellent condition.Buy with confidence!
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5 Things I Strongly agreed with
1. What is your motive for dating--as a christian man, in my past I've mostly dated for the wrong reasons including sex and affection. I came from a home were I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle who neglected me. I always wanted "someone to love" and if it meant putting aside my own beliefs so be. What are the reasons you date? are they pure and aligned with Gods? as you can see my reasons weren't in the best interest of God or even the girl but just my own needs.
2. God's will in your dating life--To often we don't trust God in our dating life, and are impatient, If people read the word and continuously seek God's will with dating it would make it better, this is easier said then done but if you make effort the spirit will strengthen you in your resolve, this is were prayer, having someone to pray with you, and continuously reading the word help!
3. Friendship Before dating--In today's world a lot of people don't get to know each other, my relationships that lasted the longest are the ones were the girl and I refrained from escalating to quickly. I look at my relationships with friends and girlfriends. How come I'm not friends with any of my ex's yet with some of my friends I've known them for years? Friendship that is genuine is the cornerstone for any successful relationship, especially one that is a friendship in Christ!
4. Sexuality purity--I would be a hypocrite to say I have followed this myself to the fullest(I'm a big offender), but I agree with God's word that you should wait before you for marriage before you "hit the sack". The problem is in today's society sex is always pushed in our faces. This one is one were if you serious about the lord, you have to pray. I'm struggling with this one on a daily basis!!!
5.Character and Attitude-- Harris list on what to look for once you ready for marriage is a great list. For instance look what a girl does with her time, I never taught about this concept. If you are about to marry a girl but all she does with her time is read gossip magazines and goes shopping, is this the type of girl you wanna marry? or marry a girl who helps volunteer at her church, spends time with her family and friends, goes to the gym to better herself and most of all spend time worshiping the lord?
5 Things I didn't agree with
1. Courting method--Supposedly Harris addressed this in his second book "Boy meets girl" which I have not read it as I'm typing this. However I don't agree with Harris saying that you should go to talk to the parents of the girl and say "I want to explore the possibility of marriage", this puts to much pressure on the guy and the girl. I know Harris states you shouldn't Court unless you ready for marriage but like other reviewers have stated what if you break up? in theory Harris makes a great point but in practice it's not always that black and white
2. Dating Vs Courting--I'm conflicted with this, because to me Harris is just trying to put a "pretty name" on dating by calling it Courting. I have dated many girls, just for "fun" or "courted" girls in the hope of it being more. I know what Harris meant, there is no fulfillment in just "dating" and "hooking up". Harris views people who date for fun as selfish. Modern Dating isn't working if it is then divorce wouldn't be so high (I agree with Harris on this) however can old-fashion Courtship work? Dating in group settings, being friends with no romance etc. I'll have to try this!
3. Pressure of getting Married--Harris says you only should go out in group settings yet when I read the epilogue it sounds like he broke that rule himself. The problem I have with just Courting to get married is the notion that people don't have realistic views when they enter a relationship, which in turn is a recipe for disaster. Think about it, you never dated or courted. The first girl/guy you ever court you get married too, I know everyone is different but for myself I was a "hopeless" romantic just like Harris. I didn't have backbone when it came to women because I wanted "love" (or better yet sex) so bad, I didn't have respect for myself so how could I respect a woman? especially one of Christ?. It took getting my heartbroken numerous times and learning social skills for me to become mature with the opposite sex, however I still lack spiritual maturity. A lot of Christians lack social skills, and the pressure to get married right away isn't gonna fix that. Instead i do agree hang out with a group/social circle, become a man of social savvy.
4. Denying your feelings-- Harris makes it sound bad that if people discuss their feelings for each other their moving to fast. In page 192 he says "don't take things into your own hands by flirting or dropping hints about your romantic feelings" on page 199 he then endorses a list that says and I quote "Discuss feelings, concerns, visions, hopes, dreams, learn each others basic convictions" while I agree with the list on page 199, I don't agree with Harris saying you shouldn't be obvious with your romantic feelings. Attraction just doesn't work like that, and in essence your still playing "the game". This is why "Courtship" the way Harris views can be complicated. I did hear he addressed this issue in "Boy meets girl". Personally I rather be upfront and honest with a girl because I've been on the other hand of the short stick, were I felt "lead on" it's not a cool feeling
5. Dating is viewed as bad--Harris states he doesn't think dating is a bad, but the undertones are clear that he does (him using courtship repeatably) Harris fails to mention that dating can be great as well, it can bring people closer together and strengthen faith. This is what true dating of faith is suppose to do,if you put God in the forefront! To me dating to get married and Courtship are the same thing.
Overall this book is a great book, I agree with many it's a great starting point, there's stuff I never taught about and stuff I don't agree with but this book made me think. As I read this I made sure I read it with an open mind and heart, I hope you do the same.
I only picked this book on my pastor's recommendation and I only wish I had done so sooner. This book was written by a 24 year guy and his wisdom is unfathomable for someone of that age. This book challenged some of my thinking and has made me be more thoughtful and prayerful before just letting my heart guide my head.
Quite honestly, anyone could benefit from reading this book. A lot of the thoughts put forward applied to the Christian walk in general in addition to the relationship ideas. I feel this book has given me a clearer perspective and helped me to understand the gift of "singleness" and the "preparation" for marriage much better. With coming from a peer rather than from a married person, these concepts become much easier to embrace.
I recommend this book to anyone who is single, has single friends or is in any form of ministry where there are single people. This is a good book which gives some good thoughts to those who may have a warped view of dating and relationships from the Christian perspective.
Most recent customer reviews
Background of me: I read it as a 16-year-old and it skewed my view for years as to...Read more