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The Last Testament: A Memoir by God Audible – Unabridged

4.4 out of 5 stars 130 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Audible Audio Edition
  • Listening Length: 9 hours and 26 minutes
  • Program Type: Audiobook
  • Version: Unabridged
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
  • Audible.com Release Date: November 1, 2011
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0061YX5BU
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By N. Bilmes VINE VOICE on November 10, 2012
Format: Paperback
Fans of Saturday Night Live, Monty Python, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report are going to appreciate the humor and intelligence in this riotous faux memoir supposedly written by You Know Who (not Voldemort, the original "He Who Must Not Be Named"). From relating how Adam and Eve really started out, to detailing Moses' love of weed, and onto the arguments He Who Must Not Be Named had with his son, the one whose birth is celebrated by many on December 25th, this book is pretty much guaranteed to offend any reader! The author writes about Hindu, Mormon, Muslim, and all other faiths. The biblical style of the writing is superb, and can lend itself to cruel practical jokes if applied to the unaware: "Larry, you should read page 42, line 4. It's incredible the insight this book offers!"

I'm going through a recent divorce, mortgage application stress, and regular daily stress. Yet, this book had me laughing aloud so much my endorphins were being released by the gallon (in a good way, not visibly).

I recommend this to anyone that knows how to laugh.

My favorite part: The explanation of how the laws of Kashrut were meant to be a practical joke. Especially how He Who Must Not Be Named told all of the Jewish people wandering in the desert to stay away from shellfish, and how only 4 of the insects in the world were kosher.
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Format: Hardcover
It seems whenever a book of criticism, humor or sarcasm about the bible or religion comes out those religious fanatics who are so sure they know that a god exists, and who or what this god thing is, seem to get their panties all in a twist. The astute can use the one and two star reviews these humorless defenders of the faith invariably post as an endorsement of a good read. I know I do. That said...

As any objective student of the Bible knows, the god of the old testament comes across as a hideously psychopathic thing. While religionists prefer to deny this, ask them if they'd treat their own children that way and they simply fall back and cry "Context!", which of course means nothing at all. In The Last Testament this god readily admits he's got issues. Fact is, he admits that he and his staff of angels had no second thoughts about mass murder, cruel and unusual punishments and some really bizarre laws. But "God" explains it in a way that almost makes you want to forgive him his trespasses... almost. Sort of like the way you'd forgive a riotously funny comedian for running over your cocker spaniel while making a U-turn in your driveway. Oh, he's not repentant for the wackier things he's done, just reflective. After all, no one is perfect...not even god. How do I know? Because he says so in his The Last Testament.

I found myself laughing until my eyes watered. I kept dog earing the pages with the best lines to use as excerpts to read to my wife, and to use in this review. But it got to the point where almost every page was turned in so I stopped.

Yep, seems all of those self appointed/ self-righteous religious shaman got it wrong about a whole bunch of stuff.
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Format: Hardcover
First of all, if you are religious and think it is sacrilegious to poke fun at your religion, and especially at the Bible, stay far away from this book. If you are not religious but think it's wrong to poke fun at religions, stay away, too. If you don't like reading profanity, this isn't a book you'll like.

Now that the people who definitely won't like this book have been winnowed out, let's move one. For all other readers, this may or may not be a book for you. Vague, huh?

I laughed out loud several times when I started this book, and annoyed my spouse by reading snippets of it to him. Apparently, God isn't the nice, benevolent guy or the vengeful god (depending on your version) that we have come to know and love. He is a persnickety, ornery prankster who does make mistakes. At least according to this, his last testament.

The problem with the book is threefold. It got old fast, like hearing the same knock-knock joke too many times in a row. And some of it seemed mean-spirited. Some of the profanity was a bit too much for my usually tolerant mind. I have to admit that I haven't finished the book. I will probably pick it up again and read a few pages now and then. For me, it isn't a book to be read straight through, just too much of something that can be good in small doses.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Regardless of your faith, hopefully you have thick enough skin to enjoy a clever parody. God's spokesman, David Javerbaum, makes equal fun of many faiths (including my own) in this book. His humor is fantastic.

I first heard Javerbaum as a guest on the Adam Carolla podcast and thought he was a pretty funny clever guy. He wasn't necessarily plugging his book, but Carolla always promotes his guest's recent ventures and mentioned this book. It sounded interesting enough, so I picked it up. I'm very glad I did.

This is all written in the first-person from the voice of God Allmighty, the LORD our God, King of the Universe (as he puts it).

I like his viewpoint and I like the way he struggles with understandable questions and challenges man has put forth throughout the ages:

"'...if thou hast power over what hath not yet come, canst thou not unspool the future with a gentler thread; one weaving a tapestry whereby righteousness is always rewarded, and evil always punished; so that mankind may behold with perfect clarity thine infinite justice?'

'Interesting; interesting,' I said. 'Yet I think I would prefer to work in mysterious ways.'"

God chose Javerbaum well. He is the perfect mouthpiece to use as a so-called ghost writer. Javerbaum has a fantastic turn of phrase and his vocabulary is perfect for the voice of the LORD our God, King of the Universe. Luckily I read this on my Kindle where it's easy to highlight and look up unknown words in the dictionary.

The topics are thought provoking and the book moves right along (with the exception of the chapter on the book of Revelation...that one drags a little and might be better as a movie). If you're an atheist or agnostic, then this book probably doesn't hold much for you.
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