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Joel Derfner

Lawfully Wedded Husband: How My Gay Marriage Will Save the American Family (Living Out) (Living Out: Gay and Lesbian Autobiog) Hardcover – September 19, 2013

by Joel Derfner (Author)

12 ratings

Part of: Living Out: Gay and Lesbian Autobiog (18 Books)

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When Joel Derfner's boyfriend proposed to him, there was nowhere in America the two could legally marry. That changed quickly, however, and before long the two were on what they expected to be a rollicking journey to married bliss. What they didn't realize was that, along the way, they would confront not just the dilemmas every couple faces on the way to the altar—what kind of ceremony would they have? what would they wear? did they have to invite Great Aunt Sophie?—but also questions about what a relationship can and can't do, the definition of marriage, and, ultimately, what makes a family.

Add to the mix a reality show whose director forces them to keep signing and notarizing applications for a wedding license until the cameraman gets a shot she likes; a family marriage history that includes adulterers, arms smugglers, and poisoners; and discussions of civil rights, Sophocles, racism, grammar, and homemade Ouija boards—coupled with Derfner's gift for getting in his own way—and what results is a story not just of gay marriage and the American family but of what it means to be human.

Print length

233 pages
Language

English
Publisher

University of Wisconsin Press
Publication date

September 19, 2013
Dimensions

8.54 x 5.77 x 0.85 inches
ISBN-10

0299294900
ISBN-13

978-0299294908
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“If, as Marshall McLuhan once taught us, the medium is the message, then Derfner’s medium—this lovely, discursive amalgamation of wit and smarts—is indeed his message about how to stay happy, sane, and honest in whatever situation one finds oneself in.”—Philip Gambone, author of Travels in a Gay Nation: Portraits of LGBTQ Americans

“Moving seamlessly from the personal to the historical to the political, Joel Derfner meditates with wit, insight, and even-handedness on the realities of marriage—his and everyone’s. His story is not only deftly placed in the context of the broader fight for marriage equality, but is also a powerful tool in that fight. Mainly because it’s so funny.”—David Javerbaum, former head writer for The Daily Show

“Derfner is an engaging storyteller, and while his sense of humor is ever-present, he never lets it diminish or undermine his discussions of the book’s more serious subjects. This is a book that is more about reality than reality television.”—Lambda Literary

“This is an enjoyable, thoughtful look at marriage, wrapped in wry humor with a few eyebrow-raisers to make things interesting. If you’re a softie for a boy-meets-boy story, a lover of how-we-met tales, a twitterpated romantic, you’ll want it now. For you, Lawfully Wedded Husband will be a nice surprise.”—LGBT Weekly

“[Derfner’s] observations about the implications of [two weddings] are infused with the perfect mix of serious scholarship, self-effacing humor, and humility.”—Huffington Post

From the Publisher

Living Out: Gay and Lesbian Autobiographies

David Bergman, Joan Larkin, and Raphael Kadushin, Series Editors

• Visit joelderfner.com

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ University of Wisconsin Press; 1st edition (September 19, 2013)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 233 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0299294900
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0299294908
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14.2 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.54 x 5.77 x 0.85 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #5,726,373 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #5,101 in LGBTQ+ Biographies (Books)
- #6,180 in Sociology of Marriage & Family (Books)
- #10,552 in LGBTQ+ Demographic Studies

Customer Reviews:
12 ratings

Customer reviews

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4 star		23%
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Top reviews from the United States

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Sometime Critic

Another terrific Derfner book

Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2013

Verified Purchase

By turns hillarious, neurotic, informative and deeply affecting, Joel Derfners' memoir of getting married is about so much more, especially how we relate to intimate partners and what it's like to know you're in it for the long haul. In some ways the wedding (though it provides some major hilarity) is not necessary. Derfner pulls back the curtain on a contemporary relationship, with its ups, downs and very downs. He and his partner make it through all of them in a way that shows you, in the end, just what love is. And it may not be what you expected. Oh, yes, and they get married, too, and it's a hoot and it's wonderful and you will feel very deeply for them.

One person found this helpful

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Casey Smith

An amazing story for Derfner

Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2015

Verified Purchase

An amazing story for Derfner. He goes into his life then goes further about Gay Marriage in general. He tells a story in here that will have you crying one chapter then laughing the next. He can get you into a story, that had me finishing it in 4 or 5 days.

Thanks Amazon for delivering the book within the timeframe.

Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2014

Verified Purchase

Just bought and immediately read this book. It is a quick read, a great deal of fun, and Joel's self effacing sense of humor, episodic moments of invective, and a level of honesty about his psychiatrist husband (which would sink many engagements!) are interesting and frequently very funny, very funny indeed.

Helpful

Kathleen L. Reim

Metaphors about Marriage

Reviewed in the United States on November 19, 2013

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There is something enthralling about a book that makes you laugh and flinch with recognition at your own follies- and then offers insight wrapped around history and psychology. I loved a lot about this book but I am not sure I have ever read about a wedding that had so much meaning in the actual words of the ceremomy. The line that will stay with me, however, is that the reasons we give for believing something aren't necessarily the real reason we believe it. This book would be a great wedding gift- for any couple.

Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2013

Verified Purchase

Heavy on the history of gay marriage, with his own courtship and marriage added in, Derfner's usual wit and great asides by his husband, this is really a fun read and one that I couldn't put down.

3 people found this helpful

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Erika K. Moore

Vintage Derfner and A Fabulous Read

Reviewed in the United States on September 28, 2013

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At once a laugh-out-loud memoir and a serious (at the same time hugely entertaining) treatise on marriage equality, Derfner's latest is a must-read. Wildly irreverent, scrupulously researched, fair-minded, enormously compassionate. I loved it.

3 people found this helpful

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anon.

Derfner is a wonderfully skilled writer

Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2015

Verified Purchase

Hilarious and touching. Derfner is a wonderfully skilled writer. Brilliant.

Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2014

Verified Purchase

Very well written, lots of laughs as well as excellent insight into what gay folks are dealing with in relationship to the fight for equity. I would definitely recommend this book!

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