Lauren Hough’s memoir in essays "Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing" does a great job explaining what it’s like to grow up working class and poor without the advantages middle-class Americans take for granted. Growing up in a cult and then joining the Air Force are the defining factors of her early life. The sections about cult life are so bizarre and cruel that those passages are sometimes hard to read. The Air Force seems worse than I imagined, especially for a lesbian during "Don't Ask. Don't Tell." And she makes it clear why it is also a cult.
The author does an excellent job analyzing the negative effects of cult life and her problems with intimate relationships. It’s painful to read about an early lesbian relationship where she spent two years with a partner who was abusive and controlling but paid the bills. And another relationship where she twisted her self into a pretzel and lost herself to keep the someone not worth keeping. And her landing up in jail is far beyond your typical "dyke drama."
But as someone who came out in the 70s, I had some trouble with the parts where Hough was griping about coming out in the 90s, without the internet, and then going back to men because it was “easier.” What??? Granted I was not in her situation. And Hough makes it sound as if people who grew up in the 80s are the only generation to grow up thinking the world was on the verge of exploding any minute. (I recall air raid drills in grammar school and being terrified while hiding under my desk. The Bay of Pigs invasion scared us.)
Loved her essay "Badlands" about working as a bouncer in a bar in DC. And I loved "Cable Guy," the essay which got her the book deal. She really hits her stride on the title essay "Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing." That answered a lot of my questions. The last essay didn't land for me, too much of a screed and too obvious. But the part when she returned to the site in Texas of the Children of God cult was very intense. Finally she answers questions as to why her parents joined but I wished I'd gotten that information sooner, not on p. 290.
Unlike the jacket note indicates, I did not find this book "very very funny" although there are a few zingers that made me laugh. Also too much use of the f word. One f per page, please. It really gets tired. The overall story made me sad and very aware of my middle class college educated privilege.
Having finished the book, her Twitter meltdown seems more understandable. But it’s still pretty strange to be upset by a good review and then to attack those reviewers. And it backfired. If lashing out while stoned on pot is part of her brand, as some have suggested, I think a different strategy would serve her career better.
Unlike the authors of Educated and Hillbilly Elegy who pulled themselves out of their hardscrabble backgrounds through higher education, Hough redeems herself through her strong voice. Like a singer-songwriter with a dazzling first lp, this debut memoir will be a hard act to follow. I hope Hough writes about moving out of Texas.
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Witty, dry, dark, and funny. What more do you need?
Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2021
despite whatever weird troll army got themselves into a bunch over a tweet observation, this writer is a delightfully dry, deep, and experienced human, and this book is fantastic. it’s shocking that people would attack someone after truly knowing what actual victimization the writer had experienced and put on paper (easy to slam others for a little self-righteous clout).but this author merges humor and wit to stress and sadness, to illustrate some deeply insightful yet shocking life moments that few will ever come close to experiencing in their own lifetime. all while somehow bringing a warmly accessible and digestible approach to some difficult and painful subjects (tho i still had to flip ahead at times to the conclusion of a few stories, just so I could sit with the present essay and appreciate it without panic).hats off to her. this book is an excellent read, has already sustained me through my 1.5 days of wrestling with funky pfizer side-effects, and I’ve already written several notes in several places, added to my own writing journal thoughts, and fell asleep on the physical book twice.is there already an approachable dave-barry-of-systemic-and-learned-oppression-through-multiple identities-and-multiple-structures? if not, Lauren’s your gal. but also if not, there looks to be a new archetype of real and unseen experiences to establish here, and a new archetype to sit back and listen to.
Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2021
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