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About Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
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Blog postDo you find yourself stuck in arguments in your marriage that never get anywhere? Or maybe it is just a matter of useless “discussions”? I was recently reading a book, and the author (Adam Grant) was noting 3 modes of communication that keep us stuck right where we are. They were not just communication patterns, […]
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Blog postWhich one are you feeling?
Anyone who tells you that you can go through life without getting hurt and feeling pain is either lying or hiding.
Life is rough-and-tumble. Pain is unavoidable.
But there is a type of pain that we can leave behind. That is more a result of our own thinking than anything external, any injury either physical or emotional.
Call it “Dirty Pain.” Which is distinguished from “Clean Pain.” Clean pain, that is the ini -
Blog postThe email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage. Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage. She pointed out actions of her husband, and he did make mistakes (no abuse, mind you). She wanted to know what to do — how to save her marriage — given the […]
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Blog postWe all have times in life where we just feel… stuck… in a rut. Life on repeat. Another day, another week, another month, another year clicks by, same ol’ same ol’.
That is the definition of a rut, just moving forward on a path of least resistance, unable to change direction or shift focus. A rut.
For many, this pandemic has been one big rut, stuck going forward, time passing by but little changing.
Can you get free from a rut? Can you break out -
Blog postIs your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance? Hot or cold? Are they really that different? Or is it all a part of the same process? And how does it affect your attempts to save your marriage? During back-to-back coaching sessions with two couples, I had a case of each. In the […]
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Blog postWhy “If” keeps you stuck… and how to shift
At the beginning of my career, I was a hospital chaplain. One of my tasks was to help people accept what was going on… to accept the diagnosis, the outcome of an accident or tragedy, to accept the changes. Interestingly, many times, it seemed that those wanting the person to “accept” were really looking for resignation. Kind of giving up.
I think our understanding of acceptance has expanded since then. But that -
Blog postOne of my favorite things is to try something new… and see what lessons I learn. That is, after all, what life gives us, no matter what experience we have — Life Lessons.
When I started jiu jitsu, I was already in my 50’s, having spent a lifetime interested in martial arts. I spent a few years in my teens in tae kwon do, and decided that if I was going to give a martial art another try, “It’s now or never.”
Little did I know just how rich an experience it would be -
Blog postFor some reason, your spouse just can’t see a way forward. You want things to be better… you want to save your marriage. But your spouse can’t (or won’t) see a possibility. Why? There are actually 3 real barriers your spouse might be experiencing. They just can’t see a way around any or all of […]
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Blog postAnother year has passed. I added a year to when I answer, “How old are you?” Well, at least in theory. I am an unreliable narrator for reporting my age. By accident. But on a repeated basis.
That said, as I recorded this episode of the podcast, and write these words, I am celebrating 55 trips around the sun (and I complain I don’t get to travel much!).
I’m not sure about claiming wisdom, but I do claim some lessons from those years. Lessons -
Blog postIn my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis. There are also stages to your awareness of the crisis. This is the point where you are aware of the crisis, the level of the crisis, and the potential […]
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Blog post“Marriage should be 50/50,” many a well-intentioned couple told me before they got married. I knew they were in trouble. And for all of the best of intentions! They wanted to be equals. Equal responsibility and equal coverage. Which is exactly what was heading them straight toward the trouble. Yes, they had the best of […]
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Blog postCoping with COVID Series
What a year! It was one year ago this week that I was on my last business trip. I was at an event with my publisher. Already, we knew COVID was out, and knew it was gaining steam. Other countries had already gone into lockdown… and the US was on the precipice.
While I was away, my wife and I were coordinating with our adult children, trying to make sure we could get them to our home before travel was locked down. That week -
Blog postFeelings. We all have them. What we feel, and how we make others feel. Sometimes, we have the wrong feelings. And we try to get away from those feelings. In a relationship in trouble, you can guarantee that someone is not feeling the way that he or she wants to feel. So, that person tries […]
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Blog postOne day, I was watching some videos (you know how that rabbit hole works) that led me to a video on this interesting sport. I love water sports, and am frequently daydreaming this time of year about being in warm water.
I have no idea how that led to this video, but it was a team playing this weird underwater game of hockey/ultimate frisbee/survival thing. It was the Underwater Torpedo League.
Underwater Torpedo was invented by two former special ops guys. Th -
Blog postMany times, people tell me that their marriage was doing just fine (well, at least OK), and then it was in trouble, “All at once,” that they “didn’t see it coming,” and that others thought they “were the ‘perfect couple’ — then this.” In fact, many people tell me about love notes and loving cards […]
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Blog postIt is so easy to get pulled into threats and dangers, mishaps and mistakes. It is wired into our brain to have a focus on the negative. Which is too bad. That means we are more likely to miss the good moments, the highlights of life, in favor of the down moments. We clearly see the negative, but can miss the positive.
Unless, of course, we nurture a focus on the positive. Unless we look for those moments of “heaven on earth.”
What are your moments -
Blog postYou’ve been working hard to reconnect and change yourself. You’re proud of your efforts. But your spouse just isn’t buying. For whatever reason, your spouse just does not trust the changes — or maybe doesn’t even see the changes! Do you feel like you are hitting a brick wall? Like nothing you are doing is […]
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Blog postWhen we have some fear, it seems to the person having that fear, that the fear makes sense. If you have a fear, it would seem that fear is real and is valid. But often — if not most of the time — that fear is at least overblown. Sure, there are times when a fear is valid.
But since our system is designed to over-fear, we suffer fears that are neither logical nor valid. Since some fears are legitimate, it is tough to decide what is fair fear and what is useless. -
Blog postWe had been talking for at least half an hour. I was discussing some thoughts about her marriage problems as she was trying to figure out what to do. I noted where the problems started and how she might start repairing. Fact is, that is why people are on my website, listen to my podcast, […]
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Blog postThree years ago, at the age of 51, I walked into the jiu jitsu gym. I wasn’t returning to some skill I learned when I was younger. I was starting fresh. As a beginner. To be honest, I had some idea about what jiu jitsu involved… but I had no idea on how to participate.
I was a beginner!
The fact is, every accomplished person in every single field started the same way. As a beginner. It is an unavoidable part of starting anything and learning
Titles By Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
$7.99
Recovering From The Affair: Your Guide To Saving Your Marriage After Emotional Or Physical Infidelity
Jan 16, 2017
$6.99
Other Formats:
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The Immutable Laws of Living: The Inspirational Blueprint to Living Your Meaningful Life
Jan 1, 2018
$8.49
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