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About Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
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Blog postHave you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.
The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.
There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.
I like that point.
But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.
Not just a lit -
Blog postPeople are quirky. We all have strange and interesting habits and interests. No two people are alike. In fact, most people want to claim their uniqueness, to be seen as unique, an individual — “being your own person.” Yet all of us crave one thing: validation and approval. We did it in high school (“I […]
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Blog postA couple of episodes back, I discussed some lessons I have learned in my less-than-half a year in jiu jitsu. One of my lessons was about “egoless learning.” Several people asked what I meant by my ego being involved. And what’s wrong with that… the ego?
Well, the ego tends to trip us up, throughout our lives. Why? Because our ego keeps us focused on how we appear, what others think of us, what we look like. And because of that, we try to keep up an -
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Blog postIt happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. A spouse negative about the marriage. Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage. You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt). Negativity comes from several sources: […]
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Blog postHave you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?
And if you got it, did you find yourself happier? Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?
Sometimes, the “buyer’s remorse” sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn’t make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear.
The term for our wanting those things that don’t a -
Blog postDo you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse… and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3…. No, the dances aren’t particularly helpful. And yes, we keep dancing them, anyway! One dance that […]
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Blog postWe all want confidence — SELF-confidence. We want to be confident before we act. In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.
Or maybe that’s just me!
But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction. FEAR seems to be between us and action. Mostly because of the order we have for action:
Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.
But instead, we have:
FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence -
Blog postYou’ve been working hard. You’ve been trying to make some personal changes, growing and expanding yourself. You’ve been trying to build a connection with your spouse, slowly and steadily. You feel good about what you are doing. You believe you are gaining grown. But then, your spouse doesn’t notice any change at all! What happened? […]
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Blog postIt seems to be a specialty of mine… getting people UN-stuck. Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place. Makes sense, right? If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck.
There are some clear reasons why people get stuck. For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck. Guaranteed. Which is why I try to spell t -
Blog postIt almost seems redundant, doesn’t it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something — say, for example, your marriage. I say IF you have limited beliefs. Full disclosure: We ALL have limited beliefs that are limiting us. We ALL have blind spots, assumptions, even untrue beliefs. We just don’t notice them. And we […]
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Blog postMy coaching client was wanting to thrive. He told me he was constantly studying about self-growth. But he wanted to really transform his life. And, he told me, so much of what he was reading was, to quote him, “woo-woo stuff.” He used that term as a reference to ideas he thought were “out there.”
So first, let me just say, what is “out there” to one person is commonplace and sensible to another. But I knew what he was saying. He wanted to change thi -
Blog postI am way too uncool to ever use “Diss” in a conversation. That said, I will drop it into a headline, because I see too many couples “dissing” their relationship, without even meaning to. Distraction, Disinterest, and Disconnection lead to Disrespect of your relationship. And it often becomes habit, usually without you meaning to. The […]
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Blog postI admit it. The phone call got under my skin. We were traveling and I answered the call. The person asked if I was the “save the marriage guy.” I told him I was. He told me he didn’t want my System. Just the secret, the “short-cut.” When I told him he needed the whole System, […]
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Blog postSurviving 9/11 and Finding Meaning
Sometimes, success comes from being at the right place at the right time. Sometimes, tragedy comes from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. But what happens when you are at the right place at the wrong time?
For Kushal Choksi, it saved his life. It was September 11, 2001. Kushal was running late, and rushing to get to a meeting in the World Trade Towers. He was racing through the mezzanine when a ho -
Blog postI often get a message that goes something like this, “We have been making progress on our marriage. I’ve been working hard to reconnect, and think I have done a good job. But lately, we don’t seem to be making any more progress. Did my spouse Friend Zone me??” Since I have heard this from […]
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Blog postI don’t know anyone who really likes criticism. Well, at least receiving criticism. I do know some people who seem to relish dishing out criticism! You probably know some, too.
But criticism can be important feedback. And feedback can help us to make changes in ourselves and our habits. They can help us change harmful or unhelpful parts of our lives into more productive and healthy parts.
Which means we have a problem. We don’t like getting -
Blog postI have some friends who have been in different bootcamps this past year. Most are fitness-oriented… getting back into shape, improving your running, improving your tennis, things like that. Bootcamps are great ways to get up-to-speed as quickly as possible, so you perform better. In the military, people go through bootcamp to get ready to […]
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Blog postBlame is rampant in today’s world. We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”
Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.
They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.
We live in a “culture of blame.”
Which is what often keeps us from growing. From changing. From learning from our mistakes. If someon -
Blog postI get this question often enough to know that you may be wondering, too. Is it really possible to save a marriage, or are you just delaying the inevitable? Many people want to know this before they even start the process. They want to make sure that the effort will be worth it. If not, […]
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Blog postAre you up for a challenge?
In the last episode of my podcast, I discussed how to hold on when life is tough. That’s when life is challenging you.
But what about when life isn’t so challenging… where life is copacetic? Just cruising.
It’s my observation that we work hard to keep life flat. We work hard to keep things smooth. Cold out? Turn on the heater. Hot out? Turn on the A/C. Keep things even… even-keeled. Flat.
Titles By Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
Recovering From The Affair: Your Guide To Saving Your Marriage After Emotional Or Physical Infidelity
Jan 16, 2017
$6.99
Other Formats:
Paperback
$1.99
The Immutable Laws of Living: The Inspirational Blueprint to Living Your Meaningful Life
Jan 1, 2018
$1.99
Other Formats:
Paperback
