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About Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
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Blog postDo you ever do something that breaks a rule (or even a law), thinking to yourself that it doesn’t apply to you?
I do.
Sometimes, I use that speed limit sign as a suggestion. I’m a good driver, I tell myself. What harm could +5mph do? Except the sign is a law, not a guideline or suggestion.
But I explain it away. I decide it is ok.
I dare to venture that very close to 100% of people do something similar with some rule or law in their own -
Blog postLots of people have asked me how long it takes for a marriage crisis to turn around… for the marriage to start heading in the RIGHT direction. Does it take days? Weeks?? Years??? I often tell them that marriages in crisis can often turn around amazingly fast. That doesn’t mean YOUR marriage will. But it […]
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Blog postDo you micro-quit? I sure do. And I need to quit micro-quitting! Maybe you do, too.
It undermines my goals (and likely, your goals too). And it keeps you from thriving.
What is micro-quitting? Well, if you quit something (an activity, a job, a sport, a hobby, etc.), you stop doing it. You step away from it.
But when you micro-quit, you don’t follow through on the smaller building blocks of the bigger thing. You don’t quit. &nbs -
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Blog postNothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis. But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn’t so helpful. Let’s backtrack just a minute. What is Crisis Clarity? Just for a moment, let’s assume that you have had a sense that something was not right with your marriage. Maybe you asked about it. Or perhaps you just […]
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Blog postOn a regular basis, people want to tell me about the problem with their marriage. Then, they tell me about the current crisis: “my spouse doesn’t love me/is having an affair/won’t talk to me/wants to separate/wants to divorce/etc./etc.” They want to solve the crisis. And they think THAT is the problem! They would be wrong. […]
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Blog postEvery now and then (well, actually quite frequently), people tell me stories about how parenting didn’t exactly elicit the best response. Many times, people tell me with regret over words and actions they wish they had not expressed. Sure, there is some shame, maybe some blame. But there is often very little change. On this […]
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Blog postAll around the news, we are hearing about algorithms built into our social media. It directs what we see and hear. It is how all social media decides what to feed you next. If you like this video, then you might like this one. If you know this person, then you may know this person. If you respond to this ad, then you might respond to this one. The task? To keep you on the app or the website. Because that is the thing about social media: they wan
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Blog postMany of my podcast episodes are really aimed at those in the midst of some marriage crisis. Maybe it is hanging on by a thread. Perhaps it is just in the beginning stages. Today, I want to share some information that applies to every single marriage — happy or hurting, starting or staying, even barely […]
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Blog post“Where should I start?”, my client asked.
Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different. And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes.
We want a different starting point.
If you’ve ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure out where to go, you might notice that one very important feature, “You Are Here.” It points to the spot where you are now.
Not where you want to go. Not w -
Blog postMany couples make the mistake of assuming that their problems are due to poor communication. That is not (or rarely) the case. Why do couples think this? Because many therapists use that as the default problem to attack in therapy. But communication is merely the method of passing information. Helpful in connecting with a spouse, […]
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Blog postWe all “show ourselves” in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Other times, it might be a cold/distant presence. And still other times, it might be a needy/desperate presence. As you may have guessed, an […]
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Blog post“Why don’t they treat me the way I want to be treated?”, my client asked me.
So, I asked, “Have you taught them how to treat you?”
The silence let me know. But after a pause, my client said, “I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that.”
The fact is that people do not know how we want to be treated… unless we are clear about how we are to be treated. Otherwise, we get treated the way THEY want to treat US, and not the reverse.
In the end, t -
Blog postI wish I had a crystal ball that would let me successfully determine which marriages could be saved. Yes, it is true. Not every marriage WILL be saved. I can’t guarantee that. But I DO think there is a “reverse” guarantee. If your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, I can pretty much […]
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Blog postA few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt. I told her that was not at all true. In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt!
But not forgiving? It offers no protection. It does, however, prolong the pain caused by some person or event.
This client was not the only one who told me about her concern of forgiving. I have heard it over and over through my three decades of -
Blog postI’ll bet you know exactly what I mean by the Gut Punch Moment. It is when your spouse says, “I don’t love you” or that variation, “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.” Or when you discover the affair or other marital infidelity (including financial). Or when you discover some other hidden […]
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Blog postHave you seen the meme that caught my eye?:
I really wish I weren’t living through a major historical event right now! I feel that! But here is the thing I am realizing — historic events are happening on a very regular basis. We aren’t living through the first pandemic (nor will it be the last). This isn’t the first time we have had political upheaval and polarization (nor will it be the last). This isn’t the first time an unpredictable war has rocked a nation -
Blog postYou’ve been doing your best to work on your marriage… to resolve your marriage crisis. Then, you find yourself exhausted. You can’t find your focus. You wonder if you even care. The negativity creeps in, followed by hopelessness. Sound familiar? That would be Crisis Fatigue. It is what happens when a crisis isn’t resolved quickly. […]
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Blog postThe Thrive Code
Over the past 7 episodes, we have been building our Thrive Code. The code to follow that allows us to thrive, and also the code that runs your system, like computer code. And we are closing in on the finish line!
We bring the series to an end in this episode. The final piece of the Thrive Code is all about how we feel about others. Do we see others as “other” or as connected to us? Do we use compassion or do we objectify?
I have -
Blog postThe Thrive Code
Did you ever have one of those Magic 8-Balls when you were growing up? I never had one, but a friend down the street did. You were supposed to ask Yes/No questions of the ball, then turn it over and a die would float to the surface, revealing your answer.
For whatever reason, we could spend lots of time asking a question, shaking and flipping the 8-Ball, and study our answer. Of course, if we didn’t like the answer, we would just shake it agai -
Blog postThe Thrive Code
As we continue exploring your thrive code, the next topic is… are you curious?
OK, that is actually the topic: being curious.
I’ve come to regard curiosity as one of the main paths to thriving. In fact, in the absence of curiosity, we will have a hard time thriving.
All learning comes from curiosity.
All change comes from curiosity.
New experiences come from curiosity.
And growth comes from curiosity.
Titles By Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
Recovering From The Affair: Your Guide To Saving Your Marriage After Emotional Or Physical Infidelity
Jan 16, 2017
$6.99
Other Formats:
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The Immutable Laws of Living: The Inspirational Blueprint to Living Your Meaningful Life
Jan 1, 2018
$8.49
Other Formats:
Paperback
$7.99
