Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.

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About Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
Dr. Lee Baucom is the creator of the internet marriage program, Save The Marriage. Dr. Baucom has over a quarter of a century of experience helping couples and individuals learn to thrive. Dr. Baucom is trained as a therapist and life coach. In addition to therapy and coaching, Dr. Baucom has provided consultation for organizations and businesses. Dr. Baucom is also a popular speaker on a number of topics relating to thriving.
Dr. Baucom is happily married for over 30 years.. He and his wife have two adult children. In his spare time, Dr. Baucom scuba dives, paddleboards, trail runs, and practices jiu jitsu.
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Blog postDo you ever do something that breaks a rule (or even a law), thinking to yourself that it doesn’t apply to you?
I do.
Sometimes, I use that speed limit sign as a suggestion. I’m a good driver, I tell myself. What harm could +5mph do? Except the sign is a law, not a guideline or suggestion.
But I explain it away. I decide it is ok.
I dare to venture that very close to 100% of people do something similar with some rule or law in their own21 hours ago Read more -
Blog postLots of people have asked me how long it takes for a marriage crisis to turn around… for the marriage to start heading in the RIGHT direction. Does it take days? Weeks?? Years??? I often tell them that marriages in crisis can often turn around amazingly fast. That doesn’t mean YOUR marriage will. But it […]1 week ago Read more
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Blog postDo you micro-quit? I sure do. And I need to quit micro-quitting! Maybe you do, too.
It undermines my goals (and likely, your goals too). And it keeps you from thriving.
What is micro-quitting? Well, if you quit something (an activity, a job, a sport, a hobby, etc.), you stop doing it. You step away from it.
But when you micro-quit, you don’t follow through on the smaller building blocks of the bigger thing. You don’t quit. &nbs1 week ago Read more -
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Blog postNothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis. But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn’t so helpful. Let’s backtrack just a minute. What is Crisis Clarity? Just for a moment, let’s assume that you have had a sense that something was not right with your marriage. Maybe you asked about it. Or perhaps you just […]1 week ago Read more
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Blog postOn a regular basis, people want to tell me about the problem with their marriage. Then, they tell me about the current crisis: “my spouse doesn’t love me/is having an affair/won’t talk to me/wants to separate/wants to divorce/etc./etc.” They want to solve the crisis. And they think THAT is the problem! They would be wrong. […]3 weeks ago Read more
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Blog postEvery now and then (well, actually quite frequently), people tell me stories about how parenting didn’t exactly elicit the best response. Many times, people tell me with regret over words and actions they wish they had not expressed. Sure, there is some shame, maybe some blame. But there is often very little change. On this […]2 months ago Read more
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Blog postAll around the news, we are hearing about algorithms built into our social media. It directs what we see and hear. It is how all social media decides what to feed you next. If you like this video, then you might like this one. If you know this person, then you may know this person. If you respond to this ad, then you might respond to this one. The task? To keep you on the app or the website. Because that is the thing about social media: they wan2 months ago Read more
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Blog postMany of my podcast episodes are really aimed at those in the midst of some marriage crisis. Maybe it is hanging on by a thread. Perhaps it is just in the beginning stages. Today, I want to share some information that applies to every single marriage — happy or hurting, starting or staying, even barely […]3 months ago Read more
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Blog post“Where should I start?”, my client asked.
Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different. And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes.
We want a different starting point.
If you’ve ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure out where to go, you might notice that one very important feature, “You Are Here.” It points to the spot where you are now.
Not where you want to go. Not w3 months ago Read more -
Blog postMany couples make the mistake of assuming that their problems are due to poor communication. That is not (or rarely) the case. Why do couples think this? Because many therapists use that as the default problem to attack in therapy. But communication is merely the method of passing information. Helpful in connecting with a spouse, […]3 months ago Read more
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Blog postWe all “show ourselves” in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Other times, it might be a cold/distant presence. And still other times, it might be a needy/desperate presence. As you may have guessed, an […]3 months ago Read more
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Blog post“Why don’t they treat me the way I want to be treated?”, my client asked me.
So, I asked, “Have you taught them how to treat you?”
The silence let me know. But after a pause, my client said, “I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that.”
The fact is that people do not know how we want to be treated… unless we are clear about how we are to be treated. Otherwise, we get treated the way THEY want to treat US, and not the reverse.
In the end, t3 months ago Read more -
Blog postI wish I had a crystal ball that would let me successfully determine which marriages could be saved. Yes, it is true. Not every marriage WILL be saved. I can’t guarantee that. But I DO think there is a “reverse” guarantee. If your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, I can pretty much […]4 months ago Read more
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Blog postA few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt. I told her that was not at all true. In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt!
But not forgiving? It offers no protection. It does, however, prolong the pain caused by some person or event.
This client was not the only one who told me about her concern of forgiving. I have heard it over and over through my three decades of4 months ago Read more -
Blog postI’ll bet you know exactly what I mean by the Gut Punch Moment. It is when your spouse says, “I don’t love you” or that variation, “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.” Or when you discover the affair or other marital infidelity (including financial). Or when you discover some other hidden […]4 months ago Read more
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Blog postHave you seen the meme that caught my eye?:
I really wish I weren’t living through a major historical event right now! I feel that! But here is the thing I am realizing — historic events are happening on a very regular basis. We aren’t living through the first pandemic (nor will it be the last). This isn’t the first time we have had political upheaval and polarization (nor will it be the last). This isn’t the first time an unpredictable war has rocked a nation4 months ago Read more -
Blog postYou’ve been doing your best to work on your marriage… to resolve your marriage crisis. Then, you find yourself exhausted. You can’t find your focus. You wonder if you even care. The negativity creeps in, followed by hopelessness. Sound familiar? That would be Crisis Fatigue. It is what happens when a crisis isn’t resolved quickly. […]4 months ago Read more
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Blog postThe Thrive Code
Over the past 7 episodes, we have been building our Thrive Code. The code to follow that allows us to thrive, and also the code that runs your system, like computer code. And we are closing in on the finish line!
We bring the series to an end in this episode. The final piece of the Thrive Code is all about how we feel about others. Do we see others as “other” or as connected to us? Do we use compassion or do we objectify?
I have4 months ago Read more -
Blog postThe Thrive Code
Did you ever have one of those Magic 8-Balls when you were growing up? I never had one, but a friend down the street did. You were supposed to ask Yes/No questions of the ball, then turn it over and a die would float to the surface, revealing your answer.
For whatever reason, we could spend lots of time asking a question, shaking and flipping the 8-Ball, and study our answer. Of course, if we didn’t like the answer, we would just shake it agai5 months ago Read more -
Blog postThe Thrive Code
As we continue exploring your thrive code, the next topic is… are you curious?
OK, that is actually the topic: being curious.
I’ve come to regard curiosity as one of the main paths to thriving. In fact, in the absence of curiosity, we will have a hard time thriving.
All learning comes from curiosity.
All change comes from curiosity.
New experiences come from curiosity.
And growth comes from curiosity.
5 months ago Read more
Titles By Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
Unfortunately, many marriages end needlessly after infidelity. Often, this is a result of not knowing there is another option. This is complicated by not having access to tools and understanding that can heal a marriage. In fact, those tools can help a marriage move toward greater health than was there before the affair.
Dr. Lee Baucom provides a roadmap for dealing with physical or emotional infidelity. His book can provide guidance on how to confront an affair, how to understand the reasons behind the affair, and how to move forward through a healing process. His approach gives resources to both the person who had the affair and the spouse.
Additionally, Dr. Baucom provides a special Question and Answer bonus to readers that covers common questions from other readers.
Your marriage CAN survive an affair. In fact, it can be stronger than before the infidelity. You just need the tools and guidance to get there. Find those tools in this book.
In fact, there are only 3 steps involved. And those steps are easily mastered. In this easily readable guide, Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., the founder and creator of Save The Marriage, boils the process of saving your marriage down to 3 simple steps.
If your marriage is in trouble (or headed for trouble), you will find help and direction in this simple, yet powerful, approach.
If your spouse does not want to work on your marriage, you can STILL address the issues, working alone.
If you and your spouse are working together, this guide will simplify the process and help you rekindle the connection that both of you are seeking.
Do you find yourself wanting to work on your relationship, but are not even sure where to start?
You will find a step-by-step guide that points out each step, telling you exactly where to start and what to do next.
Are you frustrated with the relationship, but don't believe things can change?
Your limiting beliefs are in your way. But you will discover how to change your limiting beliefs AND address the issues that are in the way.
Do you find the same issues re-emerging after working on your relationship?
You will discover how to work through the recurring issues. But more importantly, you will learn how to permanently heal the underlying issues.
If you yearn for more in your relationship, or if you see that your marriage is headed for real trouble (and possibly divorce), you owe it to yourself, your spouse, your marriage, and your spouse, to unlock the simple secrets to an amazing marriage, regardless of the current problems.
Is your relationship worth the risk?
You can discover happiness for yourself and for your marriage, starting today.
Barriers block a spouse from seeing possibility, of seeing a path back to love and connection. That's the bad news. Those barriers (there are 3) keep a spouse from seeing the possibilities. The good news is the barriers need not be permanent.
If you want to save your marriage, you want to make sure those barriers do not get in your way. But you also need to understand how to help a spouse move beyond the 3 barriers.
In this brief and straightforward manual, Dr. Baucom tells you the 3 boundaries, so you understand why your spouse is stuck. But more importantly, you will quickly learn the 3 responses to the boundaries. Your response to each boundary makes the difference between stuck/failing and connection/love.
What if these “laws” are frequently broken?
In fact, you probably are breaking some of them right now.
Anyone struggling or feeling stuck in life is breaking at least one of these laws. Just like gravity, these laws affect every person, whether that person understands them or not. Instead of breaking the laws (even without realizing it), readers discover how to obey the laws. They learn how to get “unstuck,” find success without chasing it, and finally, obtain peace.
The Immutable Laws of Living helps readers understand:
- Why life isn’t fair, and why that isn’t the problem.
- How to deal with life challenges, and come out ahead.
- How your thoughts keep you stuck, and how to free yourself.
- Why fighting change won’t work, and why you don’t have to.
- How to deal with your fears and get them to help you.
- How to make a real and lasting impact.
- If you believe there are hidden rules or laws to living a great life, there are. And you can learn them for yourself. Follow the laws and learn to thrive!
A Marriage Fail Point is the spot where a marriage is most likely to fail, where a couple must choose a path. Either find a way to deal with the problems or fail. Interestingly, these “fail points” have only a limited number of causes. By identifying and understanding the fail points, you can save your marriage. Not just save it, but turn your marriage into one you and your spouse will treasure and protect.
Discover the Marriage Fail Points before they cause your marriage to fail.
In Marriage Fail Point, you will discover:
Why marriages get into trouble.
How marriages move through the Arc of Disconnection.
What causes a “Pause Button Marriage.”
How to start recovering your marriage.
How to access resources in your efforts to save your marriage.
Relationship expert, Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., delivers the information you need, directly and briefly. Discover what readers around the world have discovered with Dr. Baucom's help. Your marriage can be saved. The starting point is understanding what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how to start turning it around.
Use this brief guide as the starting point for a new marriage -- with your same spouse -- that will last a lifetime.
- Stop chasing happiness, and allow it to find them
- Discover deeper purpose and live it out
- Accept where they are, and then move forward
- Forgive themselves and others, easily and consistently
- Raise personal standards to live a life of excellence
- Build resilience in order to face difficult times and still thrive
- Discover their own internal resources
The Jiu Jitsu Training Journal provides space for taking notes, drawing illustrations, and tracking critical details and indicators to enhance student retention of the techniques taught in class. It includes practical help for your journey to help you stay on track with your goals and optimize your learning experience, covering topics such as:
If you need a methodical approach to your training, the Jiu Jitsu Training Journal will help you format your training for reflection and learning.