The Legend of the Roller Blade Seven
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(Oct 16, 2015)
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The Legend of the Roller Blade Seven in its original, intended format as edited by the film's creators: Donald G. Jackson and Scott Shaw.
The lone samurai warrior, Hawk, (played by international action star and martial arts master, Scott Shaw), must enter the deadly Wheelzone in order to rescue Sister Sparrow from the hands of the evil overload Pharaoh, (played by Hollywood legend, William Smith). En-route he must battle his way past monsters, evil minions, and the Black Knight (Frank Stallone), while being guided by Hollywood heavyweights: Karen Black, Don Stroud and Joe Estevez.
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The plot is yet another of the futuristic, post-apocalyptic nightmares where gangs of lunatics battle each other. In this case the chief opponents are Hawk (Scott Shaw), a Samurai, and Saint O'ffender (Joe Estevez). Also featured are Frank Stallone as The Black Knight, and Karen Black as Tarot, the good witch. As far as action onscreen goes, I can't testify to anything, as it made essentially no sense, despite the incessant, nagging narration that attempted (unsuccessfully) to stitch the story together for the viewers. This picture in many ways stylistically foreshadows many of Shaw's later films ("Toad Warrior," "Vampire Blvd.," etc.) The only unifying theme in the movie (besides the narration) is a conga man in the desert, who oversees a cast of loonies that include a sinister banjo player on roller skates and a mystical half chicken-half blancmange type of creature, among many, many other characters too diverse to describe.
The film centers on Hawk's quest for love and vengeance, but beyond that I can't really provide enlightenment as to what the film is ostensibly about. What I can tell you is that if you want to be entertained in a post-apocalyptic, laugh-at-all-the-wrong-places, Ed Wood-with-a-camcorder type of way, this film is highly recommended. For now the film is only available on VHS; let's hope it sees a DVD release soon.