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Like Family Paperback – August 6, 2013
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As wards of the State, the sisters spent the next 14 years moving from foster home to foster home. The dislocations, confusions, and odd pleasures of an unrooted life form the basis of one of the most compelling memoirs in recent years -- a book the tradition of Jo Ann Beard's The Boys of My Youth and Mary Karr's The Liar's Club.
McLain's beautiful writing and limber voice capture the intense loneliness, sadness, and determination of a young girl both on her own and responsible, with her siblings, for staying together as a family.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateAugust 6, 2013
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.88 x 8.25 inches
- ISBN-100316400602
- ISBN-13978-0316400602
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"Ms. McLain's close observation of the sisters' perils jumps with life and wry merriment. They take their pleasures and their sorrows as they arrive; even their times of desolation are narrated in language that conveys a kind of ragged glory - the tattered flag of their kinship still waves!"―Paula Fox, author of Borrowed Finery
"What makes Like Family so remarkable are not the peculiar circumstances of Paula McLain's childhood but the depth of understanding that she brings to those circumstances, and the beautiful prose in which she renders that understanding. Seldom have I seen so vividly evoked the need to belong to some, any, kind of family and the painful negotiations that time brings to even our closest intimacies."―Margot Livesey, author of Mercury and The Flight of Gemma Hardy
"Like Family is a personal triumph... McLain's story is one of nobility and of the strength of a young woman's spirit."―Wisconsin State Journal
"A powerful and haunting memoir."―Anne Martino, Ann Arbor News
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Back Bay Books; Reprint edition (August 6, 2013)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0316400602
- ISBN-13 : 978-0316400602
- Item Weight : 9.3 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.88 x 8.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #992,586 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #686 in Dysfunctional Families (Books)
- #9,508 in Women's Biographies
- #26,123 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Paula McLain is the author of the the New York Times bestselling novels The Paris Wife, Circling the Sun, and Love and Ruin. Now she introduces When the Stars Go Dark, an atmospheric tale of intertwined destinies and heart-wrenching suspense. McLain was born in Fresno, California in 1965. After being abandoned by both parents, she and her two sisters became wards of the California Court System, moving in and out of various foster homes for the next fourteen years. When she aged out of the system, she supported herself by working as a nurses aid in a convalescent hospital, a pizza delivery girl, an auto-plant worker, a cocktail waitress--before discovering she could (and very much wanted to) write. She received her MFA in poetry from the University of Michigan in 1996, and is the author of two collections of poetry, a memoir, Like Family: Growing Up in Other People's Houses, and the debut novel, A Ticket to Ride. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, O: the Oprah Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Real Simple, Huffington Post, the Guardian and elsewhere. She lives with her family in Cleveland.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers enjoy the memoir's storytelling and writing style. They find it engaging, enlightening, and captivating. The author is described as gifted and comfortable to read.
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Customers find the story engaging and captivating. They describe it as an enlightening tale of life with foster families. The book is poignant and tragic at times, but overall readers appreciate its value and how it helps them understand the author's childhood experiences.
"...'s books and found each one to present a world of its own and each one fascinating." Read more
"This memoir is a well written, seemingly objective account of what it was like growing up as a foster child, albeit a child with two sisters who..." Read more
"...stars. It is well-written and rich in detail about a Fresno childhood in the 1970s and 80s...." Read more
"...my first choice, this tale of a little girl and her sisters was captivating...." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing style. They find the writing descriptive, poetic, and comfortable to read. The narrator's truthful voice and sense of the Fresno world are also appreciated. The story is told in honest and simple terms that are easy to comprehend.
"Paula McLain is a very skilled and articulate author. I did not want to put this book down...." Read more
"This memoir is a well written, seemingly objective account of what it was like growing up as a foster child, albeit a child with two sisters who..." Read more
"...stars. It is well-written and rich in detail about a Fresno childhood in the 1970s and 80s...." Read more
"...This is a sad story that is told in honest and simple terms. It is powerful without being wordy...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's writing style. They find it beautifully written and sensitively crafted, with vivid descriptions.
"...The book is written in the most beautiful and descriptive language, so poetic...." Read more
"...Ms. McLain's writing is powerful and personal, a beautiful and touching memoir allowing the rest of us to experience the abysmal consequences of..." Read more
"...The author does a good job painting a vivid picture. While parts of it are sad and disturbing, the overall take away is the spirit of survival." Read more
"Beautifully and sensitively written. This book should be a must read for anyone working in social services, especially within the foster care field...." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on January 28, 2024Paula McLain is a very skilled and articulate author. I did not want to put this book down. McLain recaptured her unique life journey and experiences so vividly I was her throughout the story. I think this book should be required reading in middle and high school, for anyone having anything to do with foster care, including all professionals dealing with foster children. Psychology and communication also need to be taught in all grades at developmentally appropriate levels. Many children are not getting this at home. Thank you Paula McLain for writing this book. I have read five of McLain's books and found each one to present a world of its own and each one fascinating.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2023This memoir is a well written, seemingly objective account of what it was like growing up as a foster child, albeit a child with two sisters who went with her to each foster home, four in all. Her Dad put her in the foster system, but she maintained contact with her birth relatives, even being taken to spend one weekend a month with her grandmother at one period. She later got to live with her father and former babysitter, whom she loved, for 3 months before the father was arrested. To my surprise, only one of the foster homes was motivated by money; Paula was already an adult when, after overhearing a conversation, it occurred to her that money might be a motivation for fostering. Paula did not suffer any kind of material privation, just the opposite, until passing out of the system, and putting herself through college.
In one home she suffered sexual abuse which led to bed wetting and nightmares, although it was not the worst kind of sexual abuse. From age 8 on, she and her sisters were with one family. The “mother” clearly had major issues, had strict rules which did not always make any sense, could be abusive, and was never in the least loving. The “father” was close to being a real father until Paula’s adolescence, when they grew apart: at that time he developed some sexual interest in the sisters, and once tried to French kiss Paula under the guise of instructing her. Whether this was the whole problem was not clear; perhaps the fact that he did not advocate for them with his wife came to play a role, or even the kind of teenage rebellion which is not uncommon. It is sad that the “father” did not receive more of an emotional reward. When Paula moved to Michigan, she saw him for the last time when she came over to “borrow” a suitcase, and he had previously given her and a sister $500 when they needed rent money.
The sisters were not always close. Paula later reflects: “I realized how misguided I had been to feel, for a decade or more, so separate from my sisters. Every time I had to endure a sleepless first night in another new room, I could, because a few feet away, or behind a thin wall, my sisters were curled.”
While the sisters seemed to have turned out well, and apparently close, the lack of love and sense of belonging still “haunted” Paula as an adult. I would have hoped for even more of an epilogue than there was (the epilogue was not named as such). I can add one fact: when Paula was 48 she was vacationing with one of sisters and the sister’s finance (this came up because the fiancée recommended to Paula a non-fiction book which inspired her novel “Circling the Sun”, a novel I enjoyed).
- Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2015I loved the first 80 or so pages of this memoir, and I hope I'm not doing it a disservice by only assigning 3 (really 3 and a half!) stars. It is well-written and rich in detail about a Fresno childhood in the 1970s and 80s. But the subtitle, Growing Up in Other People's Houses, leads you to believe that the foster-care journey will continue throughout the author's childhood -- or at least, throughout the book! In fact, it's over for her by age 8, when she and her sisters find a family that raises them to adulthood. And although McLain is superb at recalling her feelings and attitudes as a child, she never really tackles the larger questions about her final foster family, as well as about her birth mother.
The first few chapters describe the three sisters' rocky and rapid progress through a series of unsatisfactory foster homes, following the separate disappearances of their mother and father when the oldest of the three children is just 4 or 5. The pain and loneliness and sheer embarrassment of walking into a new house with new rules and a new dynamic are beautifully described by McLain. The three sisters' closeness and their very limited understanding of what is happening (they must leave one idyllic home because, they are told, their foster parents have to move for work, but later the girls realize that they haven't moved at all, and never learn what happened) are evoked perfectly by McLain.
But once the girls find their final placement, with an offbeat couple who buy the girls horses, take them on trips, and generally act like parents (or so it seems to the reader), McLain is less successful at describing why she and her sisters never really feel at home. The foster mother is a rather remote German woman, but the father is a very involved, fun parent who is always launching new projects and schemes. As the girls grow, we learn a lot about their typically tumultuous adolescent years, but we never get why things are so bad with the foster parents that McLain leaves at 19 and never sees them again, not even returning when they are dying. Yet this seems the very heart of the problem of foster care: the inability to bond, after being shunted around too much. And it would seem to be exactly what McLain is trying to communicate in this memoir.
The other issue is her relationship with her birth mother, who returns after the children are out of high school and just beginning life on their own. Predictably, they all reunite to try to make a life together. But we don't really know, behind anecdotal incidents, what that relationship turned out to be. The final pages describe each of the sisters' relationship with her mother as McLain sees it, but we're never shown it, so it doesn't feel real to us.
I enjoyed this book tremendously and think it needed to be written, but I wish the second half had been as illuminating and detailed as the first.
Top reviews from other countries
SilviaReviewed in Canada on September 15, 20235.0 out of 5 stars A powerful memoir
Paula McLain has an unique gift for language, every book written by her is a a pleasure to read
Caroline MitchellReviewed in the United Kingdom on February 23, 20225.0 out of 5 stars Hopeful memoir, a great read
I love Paula McLain's work and have read most of her books. This was an honest, well-crafted account of her childhood and the family characters she lives with. Touching, shocking and humorous in turn I wanted to know how things turned out for the little girl and her sisters. Great use of dialogue too. Confirms my opinion that this author really knows her craft.
Nicole PohlandReviewed in Germany on September 5, 20215.0 out of 5 stars I really liked this book
Heartbreak and loss clad in beautiful prose. And the sense that even winning through, not going delinquent after years of foster care, is still mot good, not normal.
HeatherReviewed in Canada on October 22, 20175.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely a must read.
Every social worker who works with foster placement must read this book.
Helen BaxterReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 24, 20185.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Lovely








