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Like I Give a Frock: Fashion Forecasts and Meaningless Misguidance Hardcover – April 15, 2009
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About the Author
Michi has an e-mail newsletter forecasting the latest in fashion. She is the creation of Chloe Quigley and Daniel Pollock, who live in Australia.
Kat Macleod's illustrations have appeared in Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, and others. She lives in Australia.
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Michi wonders whether is just her or is there a trend of renaming colours just for the sake of it every season. Gray becomes moccasin; White- snow; Beige becomes conch; And green goes to fern naturally. She adds that she won't be surprised if a 6 year old school girl is the suburbs is currently whining to her teacher that she has run out the Hermes finger-paint. No kidding, what's with the fancy names for colours these days anyway. Off white? Do you mean beige? But I digress.
As far as track suits go, Michi is uncertain why it is called a Track suit. The track she gets. But suit? It almost looks like there's some professionalism about running around like you've given up on life. If you are not McHammer, or you're not going running- spare the general public( Note to self. Although I must admit, some tracksuits are fun and they make your butt pop). Michi has similar opinions about the denim. Denim is always called denim for a reason. Every year millions of innocent denims are subjected to careless experiments. These experiments are not only cruel to the denims, but anyone who inadvertently catches a glimpse of these hideous creations( think bedazzled denims or rhinestone jeans. Don't do it!) 'If you see a denim crime in your area, call crime stoppers and bring justice back to our streets.'
Moving on to leather, once a friend of Michi's requested a pair of authentic leather gloves from a particular store in Italy( seeing as Michi was in Italy at the time). Upon reaching the store, it had not only the best leather gloves ever, it had every piece of cow fashion. It was like she died and went to Suzi Quatro heaven. But in this version of heaven, God was an older women with a pulled back pony tail who says 'very fashion,' in response to all the items Michi inquires about. Finally she contemplates on buying a pair of leather shorts which she eventually buys because the lay in the store said 'very very fashion,' as opposed to 'very fashion.' Michi would later catch a glimpse of herself later that evening in a display window looking 'very prostitute.' Note, approach leather with caution, and never date a guy who wears leather jackets, unless of course he is the Fonz. Or the guy who always wears a hat because its 'his thing.' No matter how cool he thinks he is, those kind of hats are utterly and completely ridiculous. Hats are for funerals and races. No offence Gibbs from Men at Work( we love you Gibbs).
By the way, what's with the two for the price of one fashion trends? When you are in kindergarten, you want to wear everything at the same time, but when you are an adult you have to decide if you want to wear a skirt or pants. Skouser? Skort? Errr. I don't think so honey. They say 'sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and the most effective. Skousers are the lowest form of garment and the least attractive.'
Hair styles ladies hair styles, the don'ts of hair styles. Michi says that girls have various ways of annoying their ex boyfriends, some will spread lies on facebook/twitter about his real or imagined dirty little porn habit, or sleep with his friends. For her ex boyfriend(bless his heart, he has great taste in hair), she doesn't have to try too hard. By simply getting one of these god awful hair dos listed below, you would think she told his mom he had crabs.
1 Some down and pony tail.
You know the hairstyle that starts out as ponytail, then you move it to the side and place the pony tail in front.
2 Modern Up do
Hate to say this Michi's ex flame, but I've seen some tasteful modern up dos. I'm with you on the some down and pony tail though.
3 The demure head Band
Thanks to Paris Hilton for making this one a trend. Apparently this is the tramp stamp of hair dos, be that as it may, some days the only look I'm feeling is boho chic. And it wouldn't be boho chic without the head band.
Other humorous fashion no nos are the lycra cycling shots. Cyclists, the fact that lycra is stretchy doesn't mean you should get shorts that are 6 sizes smaller. Where possible get shorts 1 size up. Whoever said ladies shouldn't wear white to a wedding, lest they be mistaken for the bride was missing an important plot point: isn't the fact that the bride has the groom as an accessory on her arm a dead give away? And then there's no one looks good in mustard, except off course you are a hot dog. That and 'dress for the job you want, not the job you have.'
With these tips in your arsenal, go out and be fashion royalty not fashion road kill. And remember there's no regret in fashion or shopping. Never regret the things you wore or bought, only the things you didn't wear or didn't buy. Finally, next time you're thinking whether to go home with that absolutely exotic man who you sense is trouble or you are wondering whether you should prioritize Louboutins over the rent, go with your instincts and don't regret anything. Regret is a waste of time.