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The Likeability Factor: How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams Paperback – April 25, 2006
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From Publishers Weekly
Sanders's message in this follow-up to his bestselling Love Is the Killer App isn't exactly a revelation: people who are well liked are more apt to get what they want out of life than those who are disliked. However, Sanders does offer a valuable look at the four personality traits he says contribute to a person's likability—namely, friendliness, relevance (do you connect on interests or needs?), empathy and "realness" (genuineness or authenticity). Sanders, a Yahoo! leadership coach, is able to deconstruct complex subjects such as personality traits, and the book's value is in guiding readers toward understanding that likability isn't an accident of birth but a skill that can be learned (exercises are included). No doubt every reader knows someone they'd like to give this book to, and perhaps people who suspect their own L-factor is low will find their way to it, too.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
“Mr. Sanders is on to something here.” —New York Times
“This book will enrich your life, and more important, the lives of those you touch.” —Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power
“An intriguing book that will teach you about the four building blocks of likeability.” —Dallas Morning News
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Top Customer Reviews
The big idea of this book is that being likeable is extremely important because:
"The choices you make don't shape your life as much as the choices other people make about you."
People make choices using the following three steps:
1) Listen - people can chose to listen to you
2) Believe - people can chose to believe you
3) Value - people can chose to value what you offer
Likeability affects all three.
There are four elements of likeability:
1) Friendliness. Friendliness is the threshold of likeability
2) Relevance, how you connect with another person's wants or needs
3) Empathy (not sympathy)
4) Realness or authenticity. Lack of realness, like lying, hypocrisy, or insincerity can suck your L-factor down.
The second half of the book covers raising your L-factor. While I will probably not get a leather "L-factor Journal" and carry it with me at all times, or repeat my "friendliness mantras" every morning, I found this part of the book the most fascinating. The exercises to raise your L-factor are not simple, and require quite a bit of introspection. I'm not remotely a soft skills touchy feely guy, but I really enjoyed the last part of this book.
If this book has a downside, it's that I was already sold on likeability being important. Tim cites many examples and research in the beginning of the book, and it was like preaching to the choir for me.
I like it, I'm glad I read it, and I recommend it. I will doubtlessly re-read parts again, and may even do many of the touchy-feely exercises!
You can check it put in more detail at Amazon:
As a business consultant, I'd rate myself these days as a 6 moving toward 7. Ronald Reagan was probably a 10 or 11; Merv Griffin is right up there, too.
As a young man raised in a toxic environment, I was probably a 4 on the likeability scale. For many years, beginning with "How to Win Friends ...", I read everything from Freud and Jung to Games People Play and Transactional Analysis. As a loner, I took engineering courses and was "respected", but not socially successful.
After much "psychological bootstrapping", I got my first sales job at the relatively late age of 33, selling expensive, complex electronic test systems. Looking back on those times where I lost a job, alienated a co-worker or upset my wife, I realize now that I sorely needed a book like Tim's.
"The Likeability Factor" is more than just a book; it is like a Scouting Manual - a handbook for those of us who want to tie more social knots with people far and near, and enjoy the improvement in our lives that its tools make possible. It shows us, step-by-step, exactly how to leave behind the isolative and counter productive emotions of Anger and Apathy and move toward a life of filled with Empathy and Enjoyment.
On page: 42, Tim sums the problem of being "unliked": "Being unlikable is like expelling toxic waste into your social life". Then, in Chapter 6, he begins our education in "Likeability".
In a perfect world, this handbook would be spiral-bound and handed out as required reading in every school and company. Or perhaps it should be kept in secret vaults and cost $50 on the black market - so that young people would move heaven and earth to get a copy, then read and discuss it into the wee hours in coffee houses and dorm rooms. (;-)
June 28, 2005
The introduction starts off with this radio dude, 'Mikey', who is really miserable about his life, everybody hates him, and he's about to lose his job. Enter the author. He tells Mikey about how likability is important and how he should be less negative. After following the author's advice, his life becomes a halcyon wonderland. OK, kind of a cliche story, but I kept reading anyway.
It got worse--the author has a very boring style of writing. This is the format of the book: x study shows likability helps with y trait/ anecdote about sad person who lacked y trait/ sad person learns about the L-factor and then gains y trait/sad person is now happy person.
It's hard to avoid this format when giving citations, but I felt like I was reading a English 101 paper where one gives a citation and then expands on it, over and over again. After the first 100 pages, every reader should get the point that being likable will improve your health, marriage, job, kids, oreo addiction, etc. People are reading this book to find out HOW to be more likable; the WHY of it is secondary, and should have been a much smaller section of the book.
FINALLY, we get to the second part of the book, which is supposed to be about becoming more likable. But this part is bogged down in so many anecdotes and citations that it is hard to filter through to find meaningful information. The key things which are noted in the last part are that to be more likable, one should be friendly, relevant, empathetic and real. But these points were written in such a convoluted fashion that it was a strain to even enjoy reading it.
Likability and attraction are both truly fascinating topics, but the poor presentation of the subject in this book makes this an extremely boring read. Best to read the summary on the back of the book, and find an alternative book.