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Lily Hates Goodbyes: All Military Edition Paperback – Picture Book, March 6, 2012

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 183 ratings

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Lily Hates Goodbyes: a book for young military kids coping with a parent's deployment

Book website: jerilynmarler dot com
Includes video (4 min). Have tissues handy!

Two versions available! Navy Version (daddy wears Navy uniform) and All Military Version (daddy wears generic BDUs).

March 2012:
Lily Hates Goodbyes was named among the best in family-friendly media, products and services by the Mom's Choice Awards®!

Lily is a young military child. Sometimes she has to say goodbye to her Daddy for about a billion days. She feels a swirl of unhappy emotions that can be scary. And she aches to feel connected to her Daddy while he's on deployment. Join Lily as she learns how to cope with her emotions and to be happy in her daily life while she looks forward to joyfully saying hello when Daddy gets home.

This 32-page, full-color storybook will be a welcome companion to your military kid. Young readers are comforted by Lily's experience and reassured to see Lily's happy reunion with her Daddy.

One mom wrote that her daughter carries the book with her everywhere because she never knows when she's going to feel sad about her Daddy being away. Another mom said that Lily is such a big part of her children's lives that they talk about having "Lily moments." Lily can help your military children, too.

Melissa, mom to a two year old, wrote, "I can't tell you how much my daughter loves
Lily Hates Goodbyes! We were already doing the sticker calendar but as soon as she heard Memories for Daddy box...well, we now have one! The difference you are making in our lives and others in the same situation is just not measurable. I truly believe that your book is going to help us survive this deployment."

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"I see hundreds of children's books a year, since I not only do reviews, I work in the industry. Lily Hates Goodbyes is as good as they get, on par with the best." --David Broughton

"This is an outstanding story! ...You will love it. Best of all, you will appreciate it so much." --Biblio Reads Children's Book Review

"Jerilyn Marler's children's book,
Lily Hates Goodbyes, is a must have for children with a parent in the military and also for elementary school counselors." -- Moments: Book Review

"Marler has created a special book that is guaranteed to help the families of the men and women who bravely and selflessly serve our country." -- Portland Book Review, 5-star review for
Lily Hates Goodbyes

"
Lily Hates Goodbyes...is well written and can be read by the child (2nd grade or higher) or by a parent to the child. I highly recommend it." B.G. Quesenbery Jr., Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist, Charleston, SC

From the Author

I wrote this story for my (then) four-year-old granddaughter who was reeling from the pain of her Daddy's time away in the Navy. She was deep in denial about the scary feelings, yet her behavior clearly showed that she was in turmoil. She would run from the room instead of talk about feelings. So I wrote Lily Hates Goodbyes to give us a "third person" to talk about. Book Lily was mad. Book Lily was sad. Suddenly it wasn't so scary for Real Lily to talk about those feelings. She asked me to read the book to her over and over. She even wanted me to sing it to her.
The result is exactly what I hoped for: Lily's more at ease with her emotions, knows what she can do when she feels them, knows that it's safe to say whatever she feels, knows that her Mommy will be there steadfastly and lovingly by her side through it all, and that there is a joyful reunion coming with her Daddy.
I fervently hope that this book will help your child through the long, difficult separations, too.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing; All Military ed. edition (March 6, 2012)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 31 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1936214784
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1936214785
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 2 - 5 years, from customers
  • Grade level ‏ : ‎ Preschool and up
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 3.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.5 x 0.08 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 183 ratings

About the author

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Jerilyn Marler
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Jerilyn Marler is a writer, editor, and publisher in Beaverton, Oregon, and the author of books to help military families cope with deployment.

LILY HATES GOODBYES

"Lily Hates Goodbyes" is a storybook for young children (ages 2-7) coping with separation from a loved one. It's available in two versions: Navy Version (daddy wears a Navy uniform) and All Military Version (daddy wears generic BDUs).

In March 2012 "Lily Hates Goodbyes" was named among the best in family-friendly media, products and services by the Mom's Choice Awards®!

Portland Book Review gives "Lily Hates Goodbyes" a five-star rating (the highest possible). "The book is filled with ideas that can help any child with an absent loved one. Nathan Stoltenberg’s beautiful illustrations warm the heart. An especially important message that Marler subtly highlights is how important the at-home parent/family are when helping a child cope with their feelings. Marler has created a special book that is guaranteed to help the families of the men and women who bravely and selflessly serve our country."

In 2010, when her Navy officer son was on deployment and her 4-year-old granddaughter was distraught by his absence, Jerilyn wrote "Lily Hates Goodbyes." It began as a Word document with personal photos intended just for Lily. The book helped Lily talk about her feelings, develop healthy ways to cope with those feelings, feel connected to her daddy despite the distance between them, be reminded that her mommy was steadfastly beside her, and that a joyful hello was coming. The book helped Lily so much that Jerilyn decided to publish it for all young children who suffer through long separations from a loved one. She hired Nathan Stoltenberg, a Seattle-based graphic artist and illustrator. "Lily Hates Goodbyes" was first released in January 2011. A new version was released in August 2011 through Jerilyn's publishing company, Quincy Companion Books, an imprint of Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.

HELPING YOUR YOUNG CHILD COPE WITH A PARENT'S DEPLOYMENT

This handbook helps military parents understand the challenges their children face before and during deployment. It also offers 22 fun, easy ways to help children feel connected with the away parent. At the end of the book is a handy alphabetized list of resources that every military family should keep nearby. "Helping Your Young Child Cope with a Parent's Deployment" is available in paperback, Kindle, Nook, and iBook formats.

JERILYN MARLER

Jerilyn's 30-year creative path has led through writing educational materials for Alaska elementary schools; writing three books about WordPerfect for an imprint of Henry Holt Publishers; editing dozens of books for technical publishers; editing a children's book, a medical text book, and a book on divorce at the same time; and writing/editing end user documentation for more products than she can count.

Jerilyn has worked in major high technology companies and tiny start-ups; she's been a real estate agent, programmer, project manager, program manager, and user interface designer. Her name is on three patents held by Intel Corporation, where she worked for nearly 15 years. The persistent thread through all of her work has been communication: it always comes back to words.

From sixth grade through her junior year of high school Jerilyn attended Kodaikanal International School, a boarding school in the mountains of southern India. Memories of her long, painful separations from her parents helped her relate to Lily's experience 46 years later. For years after leaving Kodaikanal Jerilyn still considered India her home, much to the confusion of college classmates. A year in Madrid, Spain followed a few years later. Jerilyn has circled the globe many times since that first trip to India and she relishes travel whenever she has the opportunity.

Jerilyn's son is a Navy officer stationed in South Carolina. His daughter Lily is the inspiration for "Lily Hates Goodbyes." Jerilyn lives in Beaverton, just a few miles from Portland, Oregon, with Dan, her husband, and their two tabby cats.


Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
183 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book relatable and heartwarming. They say it's wonderful for children with a parent in the military. Readers also appreciate the lovely pictures within the book.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

13 customers mention "Emotional content"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book relatable, heartwarming, and cute. They say it validates all their feelings and helps them understand what's going on.

"...The way this book is worded has helped my kids understand their feelings about the situation we are going through...." Read more

"...This book has helped my daughter to "normalize" her experience. It is a big help to teach her that her emotions about him leaving are OK...." Read more

"...My favorite part about this book is that it goes through every emotion a child feels when separated from their parent: anger, sadness, confusion, '..." Read more

"...It’s a super cute story about how Lilly and mommy miss daddy when he goes to work and how happy they feel when he comes home...." Read more

12 customers mention "Book for children"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book wonderful and helpful for children with a parent in the military. They say it's a nice addition to their library.

"...It’s a great book!" Read more

"...He is a submariner and this book is perfect for our kids. She understands daddy doesn't want to be gone and he misses her too...." Read more

"This is a wonderful book for children who have a parent in the military who will be going TDY or on a deployment...." Read more

"...when he comes home. Great book for military brats!" Read more

6 customers mention "Illustrations"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the illustrations in the book lovely and cute.

"...She really liked it and I thought it was a cute book. I can't get through it without tearing up." Read more

"Great book for children between ages 2-8. Good message and nice illustrations" Read more

"Helps identify emotions, great pictures and an easy read for my 8 yr old" Read more

"...They loved the book, and I loved the story. It has lovely pictures within the book." Read more

Extremely dissatisfied
1 out of 5 stars
Extremely dissatisfied
I Will be returning this. The cover says 'Lily Hates Goodbyes 'but once u open the book the entire content is an entirely different book Labeled 'Loving Him Inside Out.' The book even has an sticker on it saying it was inspected. Yeah right.....This was a gift for my daughter whose father will be deploying I'm one weeks time. I am extremely disappointed.I live way out in the country and its a HUGE inconvenience now to have to figure out where to print the label off and have to buy another envelope to ship it back.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2022
My kids read this with my husband the night before he deployed. Hearing them in the other room reading this shattered and warmed my heart at the same time. My kids are 5 and 3. He is currently deployed and now I read it with them often. The way this book is worded has helped my kids understand their feelings about the situation we are going through. It has even helped me when it comes to talking them through those feelings. It’s a great book!
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2021
Bought this for my 3yr old because my husband is deploying. My husband is in the reserves, so we live a very civilian lifestyle. We dont live on or near a base and we dont spend time with other military families. This book has helped my daughter to "normalize" her experience. It is a big help to teach her that her emotions about him leaving are OK. It has also given us some great ideas for traditions while he is gone (saying goodnight to the moon, a 'memories for daddy' box). This book and Night Catch are our go-to deployment books!
Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2014
I have found this book to be so helpful for my 4 and 2 year olds in dealing with being separated from their military dad. My 4 year old has had a really hard time, but this is her favorite book (we read it every day!) and I truly believe it helps her understand what is going on and how to process her feelings. My favorite part about this book is that it goes through every emotion a child feels when separated from their parent: anger, sadness, confusion, 'naughtiness'. It identifies these emotions for the children, and lets them know they are perfectly normal and expected emotions, and that even mommy feels them. Another aspect of this book I loved was that it emphasized how happiness and continuing with everyday life is what will make the time move quicker.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2018
My husbands getting deployed soon so we got this for our daughters and he wrote a note on the inside cover for them. It’s a super cute story about how Lilly and mommy miss daddy when he goes to work and how happy they feel when he comes home. I really think (hope) its going to help our kiddos!
Reviewed in the United States on April 13, 2016
My husband is currently deployed and my 3 year old was having such a hard time. He is a submariner and this book is perfect for our kids. She understands daddy doesn't want to be gone and he misses her too. It gives them something to look forward to at the end when Lilly loves hellos. My daughter gets sad and we pull this book out and it really puts it in a perspective she can understand
6 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2021
My daughters name is Lily and my husband is in the military so I literally couldn't pass up the opportunity to read this to her. I love that it validates all of her feelings of what its like to have a parent on deployment and shows the child that mommy has the same feelings too.
Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2019
As a military family with several TDY's and a short notice deployment, i ordered this book as soon as I saw it. There are not a lot of books on the market that explain that it is okay to be sad, mad, or frustrated that their parent is gone for an extended period of time. It creates a sense of normality to those feelings and how to address them.
Reviewed in the United States on September 28, 2013
My kids are 1 yr, 4 yr, and 6 yr. My husband is gone often as it is for training and schools and gunnery and stuff... but this is our first deployment. Its scary for kids, and very emotional. Lily talks about her emotions in this book, which are right on the money. My daughter (6yr) always compares herself to Lily. The only thing about this book that I dk how I feel about it yet is when Lily talks about feeling stubborn. While yes, my children get kinda angry at times that daddy is gone- in my house we go about things a little different. I'm quoting directly from the book:

Lily hates goodbyes.

Sometimes she feels mean and stubborn while Daddy is gone.

She says naughty things and yells
"No!" at Mommy even when
Mommy is right.

Mommy says it's okay.
She feels stubborn, too.

(next page)
Lily and Mommy try not to be stubborn at the same time.

Mommy says it helps when Lily gives her a big hug.

So now my daughter seems to think its okay to yell at me when she gets angry about Daddy being gone because Lily did to her mom and her mom said its okay because she feels that way too... Ehhh no, not in my house. I've expressed to my daughter that its okay to feel all different ways and to express your feelings, but when you feel angry or super sad that you need to talk to mommy and let mommy help. When we're angry in our house we do productive stuff like arts and crafts or go in the back yard and play soccer or t-ball... Not yelling. If that one part in the book was different I would have given it 5 stars. IMO something better to put would have been along the lines of its okay to feel that way but we don't say naughty things or yell, Instead lets _____ <-- something else other than its okay to yell at mom.
33 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

TurtlesPlease
5.0 out of 5 stars The only book we came across that helped my 3 year old!
Reviewed in Canada on May 4, 2017
My fiance is in the Canadian Armed Forces and our 3 year old daughter was struggling to cope with his recent absence, so I ordered a number of books to try to help her and this one made a HUGE difference. As soon as we started reading it her eyes lit up and as I read every page she would excitedly say "Like me!!" I feel like for the first time she could relate the story and main characters directly to her own life and how happy and relieved she seemed when we finished the book actually made me tear up.
I love that, while the soldier in the story is American, the story doesn't push that they are in the US - It only says "In the military" in the story and it isn't centred around the US Army or deployments to the Middle East like some of the other books we looked at. There was enough detail to show that he was an American soldier, but it was subtle enough that, in my opinion, this story could apply directly to any military family, even outside of the US. This was HUGE for us as Canadians.
Lily Hates Goodbyes is more about Lily's feelings while her daddy is away with ideas on how to cope with it and it has been incredibly beneficial for my daughter learning to handle her emotions. It really helped her understand what she is feeling and now instead of just screaming and tantruming when she gets upset, she is better able to vocalize it and tell me what's wrong.
This book has made such a difference in our lives and helped my daughter so much! I would 100% recommend this book, especially for anyone with a young daughter who is struggling to cope with her military father's absences - it was perfect for my 3 year old.
2 people found this helpful
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Lynsey
5.0 out of 5 stars So helpful
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 11, 2013
I didn't know where to start when preparing my two and three year old for my partners deployment. This book has been such a great help. My three year old loves it and he seems to really understand about why daddy is away. I also bought the parents guide by the same author to accompany the book. This gave me some great tips to also do. I would advise other military families to purchase these books.
2 people found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book for military families
Reviewed in Canada on June 20, 2019
I purchased this book for my 4 year old daughter whose parent is in the military. I love this book because it really describes feelings (and 4 year olds have a lot of them) in ways they can understand. It also gives ideas of ways to cope with those feelings in the book which really helped my little one. This is a great book to have on hand for kids whose parents travel when they are leaving or have left. My daughter really loved this book.
Mummyto2
4.0 out of 5 stars Lovely deployment book. I wish more were published
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 10, 2019
This book is a great way to show my daughter that another little girl is missing her daddy due to being deployed. I wish the story could of been a little longer and explained more indepth about feelings.

Thank you
A Frank
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderfully put
Reviewed in Canada on August 1, 2019
Helpful with kids struggling with deployment. Puts it in words they understand. Extremely helpful