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Los Angeles is Hideous: Poems About An Ugly City Kindle Edition

4.8 out of 5 stars 248 ratings

Written by comedian and future Poet Laureate Andrew Heaton, "Los Angeles is Hideous" is the most beautiful collection of words ever composed to describe the ugliest city in America. Poems include "The Greater Los Angeles Necroplex," "Only Cowards Fear Winter," an "An Ode to Traffic," and more.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Andrew Heaton has managed to speak to both the San Francisco kid in me who grew up hating Los Angeles, and the television writer who spent a quarter-century in Hollywood as one of the '45-year-old boys who still wear hoodies' he so brilliantly pillories. I thoroughly enjoyed Heaton's playful and hilarious wordplay, and I forgive him his prejudices - he's from Oklahoma, a place no person has ever ventured in pursuit of a dream."

- Mike Larsen, The Drew Carey Show, Real Time with Bill Maher

"As a moron who has lived in Los Angeles the betterpart of the past 15 years, I'm offended at how accurately these parody poemsdescribe this hellscape of fallen angels. Although I do think Mr. Heaton shouldtalk to his therapist about what he has against cilantro and bean bag chairs,Andrew articulates what most of us accept about the desert wasteland: the grassis always greener in Los Angeles because it's plastic."

- Bridget Phetasy, Walk-Ins Welcome

"I thought I hated poetry and hated Los Angeles, but it turns out I lovepoetry and hate Los Angeles! Andrew says things about L.A. that everyone knowsbut are afraid to say, and he does it in relentlessly-funny and well-craftedverse."

- Jeff Maurer, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B098GF6371
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Last House Standing
  • Accessibility ‏ : ‎ Learn more
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 12, 2021
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 31 KB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 45 pages
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Best Sellers Rank: #2,089,947 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 out of 5 stars 248 ratings

About the author

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Andrew Heaton
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Andrew Heaton is a comedian, author, and political satirist. He’s the host of “The Political Orphanage” comedy and news podcast, and scifi deep dive podcast “Alienating the Audience.” He’s a frequent Reason TV contributor and hosted the popular webseries “Mostly Weekly.” He’s performed standup comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, as a finalist in the China International Standup Competition, and throughout the United States and Europe.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
248 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book's poetry hilarious and authentic, with one review noting how it speaks to truth. The writing style receives praise, with one customer comparing the flow to the LA river, while the artwork and design are appreciated. Customers describe the book as a majestic tome with wonderful prose, and one review mentions how it helps maintain a sense of humor.

32 customers mention "Humor"30 positive2 negative

Customers find the book hilarious, with one noting how it helps maintain a sense of humor.

"Hilarious, and I agree totally" Read more

"Not PG but so funny. For anyone moving out of California this guy nails it perfectly. Every poems rings true about how bad LA and the LA area is." Read more

"...Los Angeles soI don’t like the premis of the book but still found it funny!" Read more

"Funny and well written." Read more

13 customers mention "Authenticity"12 positive1 negative

Customers appreciate the authenticity of the book, finding it true and accurate, with one customer noting its heart-felt honesty similar to Lord Byron's style.

"Yes this book is very funny. This book is also intelligent and accurate - carefully crafted so that it isn't merely a book of put downs but..." Read more

"...This book is great because everything in it is true. Thank you Professor Heaton...." Read more

"There were a lot of truths in it and witty lines but a bit “rough” for my liking." Read more

"Very clever. The beauty of these poems is it is all true." Read more

12 customers mention "Readability"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read, with one describing it as a quick fun read.

"...every poem - notably the truth behind the satire and laughs. Great read!!! Thanks." Read more

"Received many videos of everyone laughing! Great book!" Read more

"What a great coffee table book, a beat poet roasts a city not worth leaving Peoria for" Read more

"Quick fun read and looks great on the coffee table too!" Read more

10 customers mention "Poetry"9 positive1 negative

Customers enjoy the poetry in the book.

"Great collection of poems. Maybe we will see one for Sacramento or San Francisco next? Lets just sum it up with the sequel - California is awful!" Read more

"Great poetry which will make you laugh and smile long after you have read it!" Read more

"A fantastic collection of poems from a very funny author. I feel smarter and more attractive already." Read more

"...to in the USA and this book of poetry expresses that sentiment in a very poetic and funny way...." Read more

8 customers mention "Attractive design"7 positive1 negative

Customers find the book's design beautiful.

"Quick fun read and looks great on the coffee table too!" Read more

"The MIGHTY HEATON has done it again! His wit, charm, and basic depravity of life have struck a chord in Hollywood Land...." Read more

"...crafted so that it isn't merely a book of put downs but rather of striking and devastating word pictures that impact to the core...." Read more

"...What happened to the beautiful, laid back, exciting metropolis of the 1950's and 1960's? People happened." Read more

8 customers mention "Writing style"8 positive0 negative

Customers praise the writing style of the book, with one noting that the poetry flows as smoothly as the LA river.

"This man is wise beyond his years! Well written his poetry flows smoother than the LA river." Read more

"Funny and well written." Read more

"Written with the passion and heart felt honesty of Lord Byron with a mastery of the art form that is only rivaled by the sonnets of William..." Read more

"Andrew Heaton has the soul of a writer and the heart of a comedian. His style of humor is unique and refreshing...." Read more

5 customers mention "Creativity"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's creativity, with one noting it makes them feel smarter.

"Yes this book is very funny. This book is also intelligent and accurate - carefully crafted so that it isn't merely a book of put downs but..." Read more

"A fantastic collection of poems from a very funny author. I feel smarter and more attractive already." Read more

"Absolutely hilarious and creative. The author says he’s no poet but he captures the spirit of LA “lyrically”." Read more

"Very clever. The beauty of these poems is it is all true." Read more

3 customers mention "Art quality"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the artwork in the book, with one noting the author's mastery of the art form.

"...with the passion and heart felt honesty of Lord Byron with a mastery of the art form that is only rivaled by the sonnets of William Shakespeare...." Read more

"Destined to be a classic, this work of art fully captures the landscape and culture of this once great land...." Read more

"Great artwork and wonderfully worded poems...." Read more

Literally laughed to the point of tears
5 out of 5 stars
Literally laughed to the point of tears
Disclosures: I lived in LA for a few miserable months to do a TV show, and I'm a fan of all things Heaton. When Andrew said "I wrote a book of poems," I thought "Well, that was probably a waste of time." Then he showed me the book, and out of politeness, I opened to random pages and involuntarily began to grin. Each time I saw the title of a new poem, I felt a flood of nostalgia for experiencing everything stupid about LA. I felt Heaton's genuine rage (knowing that he wrote this, trapped in the city during the pandemic). But most of all, I fell immediately for the acerbic wit of someone who drew vivid pictures and metaphors of the worst things about that wonderful town. To be clear: I don't hate LA. I think it's a lovely place to visit, but I place I would never, ever want to live. But if you want a vivid and hilarious pastiche of all the unfortunately hideous parts of the city, this book is for you. Recommended for: gifts for anyone going to or coming from or has been to LA, or people who live in LA with a sense of humor. Not Recommended for: People who live in LA and somehow have never noticed the ugly parts and refuse to acknowledge they exist, and also have no sense of humor.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2022
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    LA, might as well throw California in there too, might be one of the worst places to go to in the USA and this book of poetry expresses that sentiment in a very poetic and funny way. Absolutely worth purchasing and one should go to poetry readings just to read excerpts from this..... Especially if there is someone wearing a Che shirt..... Lol
    Enjoy
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2021
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Yes this book is very funny.
    This book is also intelligent and accurate - carefully crafted so that it isn't merely a book of put downs but rather of striking and devastating word pictures that impact to the core.

    This is actual comedy.
    Comedy seems to have left our country, perhaps Professor Heaton has brought it back.
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2021
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    When I left LA it was for personal reasons. Over the years I traveled back there for friends and family and Disneyland and the beach etc. it’s changed for sure. This book is so funny and so familiar. I share many of the insights in this book as, over the years, my idealistic portrayal of LA fell away and was replaced by the hard core truth of a city on the back slide. But not all is terrible. I still have great friends there that will get a kick out of this book when I send it to them.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2021
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Much poetry is dumb; a façade lacking substance. So you might think it the perfect form with which to address Los Angeles. However, this Heaton character has ironically distracted from the blight of Los Angeles by way of worthwhile poetic verse. Buy this before The Big One strikes the hideous city from the map. Thereafter, following the tectonic horror, this book will likely be judged in poor taste and banned. We must preserve the truth for future generations.

    Thank you, Mr. Heaton, for reliving Los Angeles in words, and for suffering the harassment you are soon to endure from delusional boys in smirking pants.

    *Probably not appropriate for your kids' coffee table. Then again, is it better they know the ugly truth?
    14 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2021
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    I sat down to read this book before I was scheduled to go to work. I was supposed to go in and turn off the coffee pot or something.

    But as I was reading I became enraptured. I forgot to go to work as I was sitting at home….gibbering with glee as I devoured each page with relish.

    While I was squealing with delight at poetic mastery bestowed upon humanity through the angelic pen of the esteemed Dr. Heaton, my workplace BURNED DOWN! Something about an electrical appliance in the break room or something.

    If not for this majestic tome I would have been RIGHT THERE!!
    4 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 9, 2021
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Andrew Heaton has the soul of a writer and the heart of a comedian. His style of humor is unique and refreshing. The very first poem in “Los Angeles Is Hideous,” grabs the reader straight out of the gate. Even his author page had me laughing and enjoying his writing style and rapier wit. I would have given it FIVE stars, but I don’t want to spoil him.
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2021
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Disclosures: I lived in LA for a few miserable months to do a TV show, and I'm a fan of all things Heaton.

    When Andrew said "I wrote a book of poems," I thought "Well, that was probably a waste of time."

    Then he showed me the book, and out of politeness, I opened to random pages and involuntarily began to grin. Each time I saw the title of a new poem, I felt a flood of nostalgia for experiencing everything stupid about LA. I felt Heaton's genuine rage (knowing that he wrote this, trapped in the city during the pandemic). But most of all, I fell immediately for the acerbic wit of someone who drew vivid pictures and metaphors of the worst things about that wonderful town.

    To be clear: I don't hate LA. I think it's a lovely place to visit, but I place I would never, ever want to live. But if you want a vivid and hilarious pastiche of all the unfortunately hideous parts of the city, this book is for you.

    Recommended for: gifts for anyone going to or coming from or has been to LA, or people who live in LA with a sense of humor.

    Not Recommended for: People who live in LA and somehow have never noticed the ugly parts and refuse to acknowledge they exist, and also have no sense of humor.
    Customer image
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    Literally laughed to the point of tears

    Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2021
    Disclosures: I lived in LA for a few miserable months to do a TV show, and I'm a fan of all things Heaton.

    When Andrew said "I wrote a book of poems," I thought "Well, that was probably a waste of time."

    Then he showed me the book, and out of politeness, I opened to random pages and involuntarily began to grin. Each time I saw the title of a new poem, I felt a flood of nostalgia for experiencing everything stupid about LA. I felt Heaton's genuine rage (knowing that he wrote this, trapped in the city during the pandemic). But most of all, I fell immediately for the acerbic wit of someone who drew vivid pictures and metaphors of the worst things about that wonderful town.

    To be clear: I don't hate LA. I think it's a lovely place to visit, but I place I would never, ever want to live. But if you want a vivid and hilarious pastiche of all the unfortunately hideous parts of the city, this book is for you.

    Recommended for: gifts for anyone going to or coming from or has been to LA, or people who live in LA with a sense of humor.

    Not Recommended for: People who live in LA and somehow have never noticed the ugly parts and refuse to acknowledge they exist, and also have no sense of humor.
    Images in this review
    Customer image
    41 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2021
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    The MIGHTY HEATON has done it again! His wit, charm, and basic depravity of life have struck a chord in Hollywood Land. Catch-22 and The Lord of the Flies are not even in the same league as this satire on the world. Do yourself a favor and BUY THIS BOOK!
    9 people found this helpful
    Report

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