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Rekindling is not always romantic
on March 31, 2012
Before you get enthusiastic about reuniting with a lost love, please note that as this book indicates, even a well-meaning talk can lead to a world of heartache. When my husband's ex-wife was dumped by her boyfriend, my husband felt sorry for her, and with my consent, he got in touch with her to console her. What happened was that she and my husband discovered that they were still powerfully attracted to one another. I was disturbed by the attraction, and asked that they break it off. However, they ended up having a secret affair. My husband has now broken it off with his ex-wife, but our marriage is on the rocks. So before you think that the rekindled relationships described in this book are so romantic that you want to give it a try yourself, be absolutely certain that you are not going to hurt someone else.
I would like to add that the man who had dumped my husband's ex-wife was an old college boyfriend. For them, the passion had re-ignited but the problematic things that had led them to break up two decades earlier were still a problem. So she has now lost two rekindled romances. One wonders how the data on permanent success in rekindled romances would look if the pool of subjects that Kadish studied had not self-selected.
A better book for people in a committed relationship who are considering re-opening contact with an ex-lover is Janis Spring's "After the Affair." Although that book doesn't directly address rekindled romances, it will show you how hard it is to get beyond the heartbreak that will ensue if you stray outside your marriage.