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Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships Paperback – February 2, 2003

4.7 out of 5 stars 103 customer reviews

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Frequently Bought Together

  • Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
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  • Love Is a Choice Workbook
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  • Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Paul Meier, MD is the author or co-author of more than 90 books that have sold more than seven million copies in more than 30 languages. He is also the founder of the national chain of nonprofit Meier Clinics. He is a graduate of the Duke University Psychiatry Residency and is also an ordained minister and graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, where he taught for 12 years. He has traveled around the world teaching Christian Psychology, and has appeared on hundreds of national radio and television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, the Tom Snyder Show, Norman Vincent Peale s program, and on Radio Free Europe.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Thomas Nelson; Revised ed. edition (February 2, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0785263756
  • ISBN-13: 978-0785263753
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (103 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #56,834 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Don't let the title fool you. Although this is a book about dealing with failed adult relationships, the main emphasis in on the phenomena of co-dependency. Unresolved issues of childhood are the primary cause, and Drs Hemfelt, Minnerth and Meier go through many real life case studies that lead the reader to examine their own life, as well as the life of thier "significant other". Realizing how your lowly filled "love tank" is affecting your life is a powerful tool for recovery. Realizing you have a loving heavenly father is a key to recovery as well. I think this book is excellent for anybody experiencing a significant problem with a marriage or other long term relationship.
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Format: Paperback
Having been raised in a home with an alcoholic father and abusive parents in general, I was left in a codependant stuper. At thrity-something and after the birth of a fourth child I found myself in a serious depression I couldn't shake. Having gone through years of counseling and having dealt with much of my past, I was suprised to see it creep up again. This book gave me some powerfully accurate information as well as some great tools for dealing with my situation. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to finally be rid of the old tapes in their head.
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Format: Paperback
I found the information in this book very helpful. It is easy to read and understand. It is encouraging. It provides insight into what's going on when you're trying to cast off old ways of living that hold you back.

This book is worth reading, not only for the information to help you grow personally, but to be more aware and understanding of others in your life.

Although the authors may be religious, this does not come across heavily in the book and would not complicate a non-religious person using the information and insights to change things they don't like.
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Format: Paperback
This is a must read for individuals with codependant issues. It is written from a biblical perspective by three Drs. Is uses scripture all the way through it. It is very easy reading and very simple to understand. The very best book on codependancy I have ever read. I use it to counsel people.
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Format: Paperback
Right around the time when I began to realize that my marriage was not going to survive, I dove into self help and recovery books with laser like precision. I bought this book, because I was in need of knowing whether or not there was some way I could save my marriage on my own. The title "Love is a Choice" prompted me to think that perhaps love was that simple; a matter of choice.

I was happily surprised when I began to understand the premise of the book was not that simple. We all have the choice to love ourselves or not. We all have the choice to learn about our inner wounds or not. We all have the choice to try to understand why we are the way we are, or not.

This book helped clear up my ideas about codependency and the innumerable ways in which it effects our minute to minute thought processes.

Although I could not save my marriage alone, I did learn to save myself...

The concepts in this book were clear and easy to follow. Their many case studies made understanding very complex relationship dynamics easy to relate to.

There is not anyone who would not benefit from the teachings in this book.

I highly recommend this book...

Namaste...
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book surprised me. It fell into my hands with perfect timing in midlife.

While I am not as deeply affected in many areas "lost childhood", "abuse" etc. there are many concepts that were most helpful. I identified with "passive abuse" through emotional absence of my parents and the fact that I measure others' childhood by my own as the "norm" because it's all I know. Also tremendously helpful is the concept of "repetition compulsion" where I am 'driven' to recreate as an adult the home I grew up in - in everything from taste in decor to relational patterns with my wife and children. Despite the quality or lack of it in some areas of the home I gerw up in, it was nonetheless the place I found what security I could. I want that security again. I have been searching for "home" for many years and now I know why.

Other helpful chapters were "The Snowball Effect of Addiction", "Anger" and "Codependent or Healthy Relationships" as well as "Codependent or Interdependent Relationships." We think codependency is something extreme but it is a matter of degree really. We all are somewhat codependent, and this is at the very least evident in the degree of emotion with which we respond to others. Also "The Roles People Play" in which I could recognize all my siblings at different times in one or more patterns behaving in response to our pain (hero, scapegoat, mascot, lost child, placater, rescuer, martyr etc.)

Finally key chapters were "The Stages of Recovery", "Leaving Home and Saying Goodbye," "Seeing Yourself in a New Light," "New Experiences and Reparenting."

I have recently bought the companion workbook I intend to work through.

I have also begun discussing a few concepts with my siblings and am finding some reception and agreement.

Another book that's just as helpful is "Kids Who Carry Our Pain" by Hemfelt and Warren.
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