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To Love, Honor, and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives by [Gertler, Stephanie]
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To Love, Honor, and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives Kindle Edition

4.0 out of 5 stars 14 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Calling all desperate housewives. While the subtitle might suggest a broad look at the state of marriage in the suburbs, this is more a beady-eyed stare into the lives of suburban married women who are having, have had or are contemplating having affairs. Gertler, a novelist (Jimmy's Girl, etc.), and Lopez, an attorney and independent producer, contribute seven pages of an introduction and brief introductory paragraphs; after that, it's the subjects and their first-person testimonials. The women, whom the authors reached through friend and family networks, tell of cheating in retaliation for a husband's affair; because their husbands wouldn't sleep with them; or out of loneliness, spite, and even surprise ("All of a sudden, I found myself having sex with this man"). Not all of them are sympathetic characters, that's for sure. But some stories are poignant. Thirty-one years after marrying a withholding man and four years into a loving, passionate affair, "Mrs. E." admits that she fantasizes about her husband asking her how to love and pleasure her: "That would be the fairy tale.... You see, if I had my choice, I wouldn't be in this position." The lack of communication in her marriage feels symptomatic of the book as a whole. A gathering of dissatisfactions not unified by any authorial voice, this demoralizes more than it enlightens.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Stephanie Gertler is the author of four novels--Jimmy's Girl, The Puzzle Bark Tree, Drifting, and the forthcoming The Windmill. She writes a monthly lifestyle column for two Connecticut newspapers, the Stamford Advocate and the Greenwich Time. She lives in Westchester County, New York, with her family.

Adrienne Lopez is an attorney and independent TV and film producer with a first-look development deal at Spike TV. A former nationally syndicated talk show producer and network excutive, she also writes for several popular magazines. She lives in Westchester County with her family.

Product Details

  • File Size: 544 KB
  • Print Length: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Hachette Books (February 1, 2005)
  • Publication Date: February 1, 2005
  • Sold by: Hachette Book Group
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B000FCJZTU
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #927,552 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
This book is about as upsetting as anything a man, married or otherwise, is likely to read this year. Even men who, like myself, have careers that when practiced almost definitively reveal the hidden sides of married women who take part in often scandalous affairs will be kicked in the stomach repeatedly by what they discover here. Publisher's Weekly said this book "demoralizes more than it enlightens." That, is an understatement.

Without judging any of the women in particular, there are a few common themes that continuously resurface. One is the archetypal Biological Clock Woman who is so afraid of never becoming a mother that she never actually becomes an adult, and therefore never learns what love and intimacy as a wife is all about. Several of the women admit (as their anonymity is insured by the women writers who chose and compiled these stories) that they never actually were in love with their husbands at any time. They saw him as a "catch" of some sort that would make a good father--i.e., make them pregnant--before their ovaries stopped producing fertilizable eggs. As they were pretending to be in love with their fiancés right from the start, the deceit in their marriage started before it even began. (Staying with their husbands afterwards was done, several said, almost purely for money and childcare-related reasons. [And naturally they believed this little trivial point, given how all men are just sexual animals with no souls anyway, would not effect his sense of attraction or his love of being married to them on a daily basis.]) For these women in the book, the later affairs that are its subject are just a natural progression of an entire adult life of selfishness and deceit, fostered by a profound contempt for men in general.
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Format: Hardcover
This is an interesting book, a compilation of first-person accounts of women's affairs. The women range in ages and reasons, but all cheated on their husbands and fill these pages with the sagas.

There is something exhausting and sad about reading page after page of the dissatisfaction these women had with their husbands. Many married simply because they were ready to have children. Almost all the men were emotionally distant, sexually cold or even cheating themselves, and a few were abusive.

Some of the women had several affairs. Some left their husbands. One woman had a one-time fling and regretted it. A few warn, even beg, women readers not to cheat.

It's hard to imagine so many women are so unhappy, that this is so common that the book somehow reflects reality. It makes one feel jaded and cynical, even kind of trashy, to steep in the sadness and the sordid stories.

That said, a person struggling with issues of fidelity or marriage may find something profound within the pages. The editors have certainly captured many different stories, and the stories are well-written and compelling, if very sad.

It might not be a book to give to a newly engaged friend, but a fine book to give to someone dealing with the issues of infidelity.
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Format: Hardcover
The times, they are, a'changing.

I sometimes wonder if men and women were ever intended to get together. Perhaps in cave man days where you married at 12 or 13, had grand kids at 25 or 30 and were dead at 40. But that's not the way it is any more. We live a lot longer. And we know that divorce will end more than half of the marriages. Studies say that almost all of the rest are not happy marriages, it's just that they choose not to separate for any of a number of reasons.

As a male, this book is extremely interesting to read. It is almost like eavesdropping on a conversation between two women who wouldn't be saying these things if a male was around. It's certainly true that we don't think alike. And the studies say that the percentage of females having affairs is rapidly catching up with the male percentage. The reason seeems to be opportunity, nothing to do with desire which has always been there, just the opportunity as more women enter the workforce for them to meet men.

This book presents an insight into the Venusian that we Martians don't often see.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Wake of Neo the female narcissist matrix has you. This book is about women sharing their stories about their cheating on their husbands. Another good book with just wife cheating confessions is Undressing Infidelity and the ebook Surviving My Own Infidelity. Anyway it was like hearing women in a private conversation about their affairs. My goal was to try and find a way or method to pick women who will not cheat or at least to avoid women who will cheat. A couple of things that are common among all the women stories I've read in this book and the Undressing Infidelity book is that the women were all self centered, and once a cheater tend to cheat again and they did not know or read the bible because they had no understanding of God and none of the women felt any guilt. Many women admitted to having a great husband who was a great provider and a great father but yet they still cheated for the excitement of it. See if the women were bible reading women who knew God they would've had peace and happiness but they felt empty inside with all their success and ideal lifestyle and the affairs gave them some feeling inside. These married cheating women were often approached by a married cheating man and I believe the reason for this is the married cheating man hopes the cheating wife will not take the affair serious and send a anonymous caring friend letter to the wife of the cheating man in hopes of making the cheating man choose between his wife and the women he's cheating with since exposing the affair would mean she could loose her marriage as well. People who cheat are self centered narcissist who want it all. The family and spouse at home and the exciting carefree dating and sex with the affair
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