- Series: Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology
- Hardcover: 264 pages
- Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company; 1st edition (April 11, 2011)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 9780393705751
- ISBN-13: 978-0393705751
- ASIN: 0393705757
- Product Dimensions: 6.5 x 1.1 x 9.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 27 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #305,529 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 1st Edition
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“After completing the first reading of this wonderful text, this reviewer reflected that Maurice Merleau-Ponty, pioneering phenomenologist of the intersubjectively lived body, would have resonated positively to the deeply insightful thematic content and the creatively conceived experiential techniques and therapeutic experiments of this ground-scaffolding, psychobiologically informed text.”
- Journal of Phemonenological Psychology
“This book should be part of the working library of any clinician whose practice is informed by the ongoing paradigm shift in psychotherapy.”
- Allan N. Schore, PhD, UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine
“Reading this book was a sheer pleasure, and I did not skip a word. It is an artful theoretical and clinical integration with no wasted words....In this innovative couple therapy, they have documented the healing power of couples learning to take care of each other and put to rest the myth of the healing capacity of the autonomous self. I recommend this instructive book to all therapists....I hope this project gets lots of deserved attention.”
- Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want
“I found this book full of new ideas for me, providing me with new thoughts, feelings and skills, even though I have been practicing therapy with couples for more than three decades. Simply put, this is the most transformative book on psychotherapy I have read in a long time.”
- CPA Newsletter: The Announcer
“What a gift! Solomon and Tatkin offer us the most illuminating and creative work on couples therapy to be published in a long time. Through a variety of cases, they artfully explain why loving partners go to war with each other and then give a fascinating demonstration of how to apply biology, physiology, attachment and arousal regulation in moment–to-moment interactions. This book will be stimulating, immediately practical and eye-opening no matter what theoretical orientation you use.”
- Ellyn Bader, PhD, Director, The Couples Institute
“A new lens on couple therapy, this book will revolutionize the way you work with partners and transform your view of relationships. The authors skillfully translate ideas from neuroscience, regulation theory, mindfulness, and attachment research into hopeful, practical and accessible interventions for working with the here and now experience of couples in therapy.”
- Pat Ogden PhD, Founder/Director, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, and author, Trauma and the Body
“For clinicians who are in search of practical examples to complement theory, the case illustrations offered by Solomon and Tatkin are a tremendous resource….[A]n easy and insightful read.”
About the Author
Marion Solomon, Ph.D., is a lecturer at the David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry at UCLA, and Senior Extension faculty at the Department of Humanities, Sciences and Social Sciences at UCLA. She is also director of clinical training at the Lifespan Learning Institute and author of Narcissism and Intimacy, co-author of Short Term Therapy For Long Term Change, and co-editor of Countertransference in Couples Therapy and Healing Trauma.
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Showing 1-4 of 27 reviews
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While aimed at practicing therapists, the many descriptions of neurobiological activity was interesting but excessive. At times it felt like having a TV drama explained by a technician who paused to describe the way an LED screen emits the light that forms the story unfolding. I generally enjoy studying neurobiology but this book somehow felt off-target as a marriage counseling guide and as an introduction to interpersonal neurobiology. I also wonder if the authors hypotheses about the limbic, neuroendocrine and vagal motor activity occurring beneath the surface of each couple, while ambitious and impressive, will pass the test of time.
This is a fascinating book which impressively develops the relevance of biology in couple therapy. But in terms of clinical application, it has added few general - and fewer specific - interventions to my work as a therapist. I think the two main subjects covered in this book, Couple Therapy and Interpersonal Neuroscience, are better addressed in Sue Johnson's Emotion-focused Couple Therapy, and Louis Cozolino's The Neuroscience of Human Relationships 2nd ed., respectively.
After discovering an article about Stan Tatkin on the internet a couple of years ago, I have been tracking his work and finally was rewarded with "Love and War In Intimate Relationships" as well as getting to know him somewhat personally thru occasional e-mail conversations about his work, and the Study Groups that he conducts around the country. My wife and I are finally going to join one of his year long groups next month.
Marion Solomon and Stan Tatkin have revolutionized Couples Therapy and built their approach upon many previous couples theorists and therapists. Marion Solomon's excellent first chapter in the book outlines what preceded their work. I was particularly pleased to discover that they saw the work of Harville Hendrix as an important forerunner as "Getting the Love You Want" was the most recommended book to my patients for 25 years.
Not only did they pay respect to their predecessors, but they have brilliantly integrated the best of two other important trends in understanding human relationship functioning. One comes from the field of Neuroscience, gleaned from both authors long study with Alan Schore at UCLA. whose brilliant work I had previously read from a psychoanalytic perspective. I was fascinated with how Solomon and Tatkin have integrated the human brain into their description of how marriages do and don't work.
Additionally, they bring into their understanding of marriage and individual relationships the huge body of knowledge coming originally from John Bowlby, the British psychiatrist/psychoanalyst whose work, in post WWII work with homeless and orphaned children led to his discovery and early understanding of Human Attachment. His work was originally ignored by established psychoanalysis but in recent years has been brought into the mainstream psychotherapeutic understanding of human relationships, most prominently by Peter Fonagy and Mary Target, also of Great Britain. In Academic Psychology, Mary Main at UC Berkeley has amassed a tremendous amount of information about Adult Attachment and developed a wonderful research instrument, The Adult Attachment Interview, which Solomon and Tatkin have creatively integrated into their technique and theoretical approach, making their book hard to ignore by mental health practitioners of most every persuasion.
In the short time that my wife and I have been employing the knowledge from this book in our private practices,teaching, and our personal lives, our patients, students, and other family members have benefited. Our clinical work is becoming more effective and I have actually encouraged many patients to read "Love and War..." as a way to speed up their insight into their individual and relational issues. I have introduced the book to Clinical Psychology grad students and Psychiatric residents in a course and series of talks I gave at the local medical school. Senior faculty at the school have remarked to me how impressed they have been with the students carrying around copies of the book and actively talking to fellow students about what they are learning from it and how they have 'discovered' new, fun things in their personal relationships.
I think "Love and War...." is currently invading the mindset of Couples Therapists around the country with the help of the active teaching by both of the authors and the many Study Groups that have been organized. I think it will eventually become a classic in the literature on Couples Therapy and also have a large impact on the work with individual patients. Finally, I think their Welcome Home Exercise, introduced late in the book, has the potential to change every couple who practices it whether they enter treatment or not.
say this book does not suffer from those faults, also the faults of pop--psychology.Analytic perspective assumed dependency was pathological--a strange positions for therapist who thought relationship were paramount! This book accepts dependency as normative, not pathological. It accepts woundedness as normal. The idea is for wounded people to be able to take care of each others' vulnerabilities, and the heal them of the wound incurred in childhood. Thus the partner is more important than any therapist--he/she is her partner's full time therapist and vice versa.
From this perspective it makes no sense to put people in conventional diagnostic categories. The task becomes teaching each partner to heal the other, and to accept healing. Since dependency is normative, even when healed, one continues to need one's partner. The biological paradigm provides a solid framework.
I would complement this book with alternative approach--like Sovatsky's Words from the Soul: Time, East/West Spirituality, and Psychotherapeutic Narrative (Suny Series in Transpersonal and Humanistic Psychology)
Seth Farber,PhD. author of The Spiritual Gift of Madness: The Failure of Psychiatry and the Rise of the Mad Pride Movement