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Showing 1-10 of 38 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 45 reviews
on November 23, 2013
Thank you Dr. Stosny for transforming the pain of your childhood abuse, into a system that provides hope and produces change for all of us. I've read many books over my years as a Couples Therapist, and until I read 'Love Without Hurt," only 3 other books had impacted me in a way that changed my life. I recommend your book to all of my couples, even if they are not actively engaging in various forms of abuse. You have so beautifully and clearly explained a person's core values/motivations, how to set appropriate boundaries to match those core values, how to recognize the 5 signals when you move away from your core, and how compassion will bring you back to center and therefore, back into your power. You made it clear that anyone can be lured into the victim/aggressor dance, and that it is important to move out of unconscious reactivity, and into conscious intentionality. I ask my clients to buy their own book and use it as a journal--complete the exercises in the book and personalize their experience. And it is important to read both sections. I could see elements of myself that needed "adjustment" after reading each section.

Ralph Butcher, Imago Couples Therapist, San Ramon, CA
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on October 2, 2014
This book is AMAZING for anyone who feels like they are "walking on eggshells". There is recovery possible after verbal and emotional abuse and this book can help; it explains why traditional counseling fails in these situations. Highly recommend
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on March 17, 2015
if you feel like you are living in the unpredictability of a lion's cage, then this book (and, Steven's YouTube webinars) are for you. A good lion tamer never walks into a cage without a chair, and never lets his or her guard down regardless how docile and sweet those big cats appear; for at any moment the temperament might change and spell disaster for the entertainer.

So it is living with one prone to emotional and verbal abuse. And, yes. Let's call it what it is - abuse. Regardless of the vehement denials, minimizations, and outright accusations the victim is somehow fundamentally flawed in perception and thinking, if one partner is living with his or her stomach in a knot for fear of setting off a mate, there is very likely abuse happening in the relationship.

Stosny's gentle approach toward both the abuser and the receiver of the abuse is spot on. Byron Katie is known for stating that victims make violent people. Stosny fully understands that anyone prone to abusive behavior is, indeed, suffering. He makes no excuses for the devastating behavior and demands awareness and change, but offers a compassionate hand in uncovering the issues that breed such a hostile attitude.

His empathic, assuring, and validating words to the individual on the receiving end of abusive behavior is astonishing! You must work hard to establish firm boundaries, tell your truth, and embark on the long path back to emotional health, though. You are not alone! These are real tools you can use to recover! Keep that chin up!!!
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on May 19, 2017
Amazing! After a seperation.... Husband moved away from the state, I was wondering if our marriage ever had a chance... But..... I started to see that in order to create change I had to change myself first. This book has helped me to be the best me for myself and my husband and helped me to see what he is going through and to be compassionate. Works ALOT better. I'm starting to have hope again... It takes time... I'm only about two weeks into using the tools from the book... But I can tell a difference already. And even if he doesn't Change this book helps you to be okay with it. Side note... This book helped me to see that I was abusive too.... Yikes, scary but true. We all can be abusive out of feeling hurt. Read it, worth every penny!
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on July 11, 2016
This book transformed my entire relationship. I should read it again to refresh me. It's fabulous. It's my favorite that I've read so far this year.
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on March 29, 2017
I love it. It's been a very valuable aid in helping my relationship and we've only really just begun❤. I see Stosny's teaching not only being valuable to your relationship but many aspects of one's life...

I like the fact that there are three separate sections- a section for yourself and a section for your significant other to read, contemplate and complete with written exercises. The third section where you come together as a couple.
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on June 3, 2015
One of the best books I have read to date regarding relationships. Really makes you think about what the motives are behind some of the toxic actions that influence relationships. I highly recommend this to anyone regardless of the state of your relationship.
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on March 6, 2017
Excellent book. I've read it twice. This one was a gift.
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on June 29, 2015
A+ & 5 stars
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on July 12, 2011
The Stosny book can't be compared to anything else I've read because it has something all other books lack: true insights, and solutions. Abuser programs have abysmally low success rates. I asked our local abuser program "Why do you do this with it almost never succeeds?" Because these men won't change without help and low success is better than no success, they said. It's true that most abusive men, without help, worsen.

Stosny explains why abuser programs don't work, and why almost no men will go into them unless court-ordered.

I have read many books on abusive relationships. The Patricia Evans books described the dynamic accurately from the woman's point of view. They lacked in-depth understanding of why a man does something so unacceptable and destructive, and they lacked solutions. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft was the clearest and most lucid book I had read, but it too lacks solutions. Stosny's methods, which are grounded in solid science and his long experience, including experience with court-ordered abusers, truly offer a way out. No other book has the depth of insight or the effectiveness this book has.
Stosny's Boot Camp, a three-day workshop teaching how to end abuse and save a realationship is much easier to assimilate than the book, I recommend that if you are suffering. This training can prevent abuse and prevent divorce in the vast majority of cases. I think it would prevent road rage, child abuse, suicide, and murder, which spring from a common root. I just wish it were available in more forms (for instance, as pre-marital counseling and pre-parenting counseling) and available to everyone who needs it. Long live Dr. Stosny, he saved our marriage and I will be grateful to him as long as I live. I wish I could give this ten stars.
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