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I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship Paperback – February 7, 2012
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“If you want to find your way back to the people you love, this book is a must read. It offers a step-by-step map for rebuilding trust and helping you find peace within.” — Michele Wiener-Davis, author of Divorce Busting
“A path breaking book on restoring trust in relationships. A wonderful read based on deeply felt experiences.” — Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of How Can I Forgive You?
“This practical must read book is for anyone who has ever suffered the hurt and pain of mistrust. Mira Kirshenbaum wisely takes you on a journey exploring the difficulties of betrayal, suspicion and harmful mistakes. Kirshenbaum’s gifted insights are profound and they show you how to restore trust with your closest loved ones.” — Lee Raffel, M.S.W., author of I Hate Conflict!
“Mira Kirshenbaum has hit another one out of the park. Her no-nonsense approach offers thoughtful, practical step-by-step methods to assess whether and how to rebuild the trust in your relationship.” — Diana Mercer, J.D., co-author, Making Divorce Work
“[Kirshenbaum] gives brave advice for overcoming the devastating effects of betrayed trust, and gives hope that we actually might be able to salvage and repair important relationships, or at least know that we have choices we can make. Thank you for this much needed guidebook to trust—the essential building block of all relationships.” — Carol Evans, President, Working Mother Media
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
I finally put this book down when I reached the section entitled "The Top Six Solutions that Prevent Betrayal". Ms. Kirshbaum glosses over the devastation of betrayals, states that blame is not useful and then goes on to spread blame on the spouse. While a marriage has two sides and break downs in communications are typically shared, if someone cheats or lies that is a choice that is made by that person.Read more ›
Since this is a three-star review, I'll list a few pros and cons.
The biggest by far is that my husband and I were able to have a couple of good discussions based on the book. I highlighted portions and wrote relevant notes on my kindle edition of the book, and it gave me good talking points for our discussion. It was written in a fair manner that allowed me to have a "cheat" and easily express things that I've been needing to say in a relatively nice way. She has multiple examples of "Say ______ in this situation." Those really helped me.
The writing style was easy to read, especially if you don't mind a few swear words. (And if you're going through a betrayal, you've probably used a few swear words yourself.)
Our situation may be unique, but I kept feeling like the book didn't really apply to me. My husband is an addict and has a type of addiction that means that I'm being betrayed in big ways frequently. And because he's an addict, he tends to cope with life by doing things that betray me in small or medium-sized ways several times a week. This book seems to apply to one big betrayal (e.g., an affair) or maybe other smaller betrayals like someone who is unreliable or lies. But when your life is sort of centered around betrayals, this books doesn't quite feel relevant.Read more ›
I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T TRUST YOU walks you through everything you need to know to deal with trust issues in your relationship. She even has a chapter on how to figure out whether it's worth staying and trying to restore trust even though you're angry and scared.
Then Mira gets down to business. She has a number of chapters on how to recover from a major betrayal, which is what had happened in my relationship. She takes you through all the stages of restoring trust from the very beginning when you're just crazy with fear and anger to the end when you're beginning to find real forgiveness. Other stages have to do with finding out if the other person really cares about you. Finding out if you can solve your problems together...all the things that come up.
I really like what Mira did with this subject. I was afraid this was going to be a kind of cookbook: do this, do that. Instead Mira really believes that if there's something to the relationship to begin with, then restoring is very doable and happens faster than most people think. So what this book does is show you the most common mistakes people make that prevent trust from being restored, and then she shows you how to avoid those mistakes.
The whole time I kept wondering, how does Mira know me so well.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Pretty good advice and examples to help get thru a major betrayal. But it's very clearly written BY a woman FOR women who have been betrayed by men cuz that's apparently what... Read morePublished 23 days ago by Brian
One of the most informative books I've read on the topic of trusting your partner after a betrayal. I recognized every single thing I had done in the book and immediately stopped... Read morePublished 1 month ago by LynetteAnacker
The author says constantly "ill show you" yet I believe it never happened.Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
I learned not only about myself and issues I have to face but also about other people I know and what they are going through.Published 4 months ago by Earl Brundage
This is such a great book for anyone who has trust issues in their life. I wasn't sure that this would actually be constructive, but I have learned so much. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Michelle