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Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt Hardcover – March 12, 2019

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 904 ratings

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NATIONAL BESTSELLER

To get ahead today, you have to be a jerk, right?

Divisive politicians. Screaming heads on television. Angry campus activists. Twitter trolls. Today in America, there is an “outrage industrial complex” that prospers by setting American against American, creating a “culture of contempt”—the habit of seeing people who disagree with us not as merely incorrect, but as worthless and defective. Maybe, like more than nine out of ten Americans, you dislike it. But hey, either you play along, or you’ll be left behind, right?

Wrong.

In Love Your Enemies, social scientist and author of the #1 New York Times bestseller From Strength to Strength Arthur C. Brooks shows that abuse and outrage are not the right formula for lasting success. Brooks blends cutting-edge behavioral research, ancient wisdom, and a decade of experience leading one of America’s top policy think tanks in a work that offers a better way to lead based on bridging divides and mending relationships.

Brooks’ prescriptions are unconventional. To bring America together, we shouldn’t try to agree more. There is no need for mushy moderation, because disagreement is the secret to excellence. Civility and tolerance shouldn’t be our goals, because they are hopelessly low standards. And our feelings toward our foes are irrelevant; what matters is how we choose to act.

Love Your Enemies offers a clear strategy for victory for a new generation of leaders. It is a rallying cry for people hoping for a new era of American progress. Most of all, it is a roadmap to arrive at the happiness that comes when we choose to love one another, despite our differences.

 

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Arthur Brooks offers the practical prescription in Love Your Enemies that could lead to a more peaceful, just, sustainable, and healthier world.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Healing Self

“Love Your Enemies is a handbook for a new generation of leaders who want to bring America together—and anyone seeking to be more effective in a fractious political environment.” — Steve Case, Chairman and CEO of Revolution and co-founder of AOL

“If we won’t listen to each other, maybe we can start by listening to Arthur Brooks. Love Your Enemies offers a heartfelt and patriotic case for how we can put our contempt aside to work together again.” — Simon Sinek, Optimist and New York Times Bestselling Author of Start With Why and Leaders Eat Last

“In Love Your Enemies, Arthur Brooks reminds us that we can disagree without being disagreeable, and that everyday citizens have the power to bring our country back together.” — David Axelrod, former Senior Advisor to President Barack Obama

“If you’re satisfied with our toxic ideological climate, then don’t bother reading this book. But if you’d like to rebel against the present nonsense, Arthur Brooks can show us how to do it with joy and confidence — and regardless of your political preferences.” — Ben Sasse, U.S. Senator from Nebraska

“The signal achievement of Arthur Brooks’ latest book is to demonstrate how the seemingly ‘soft’ virtues of love, friendship, and warm-heartedness are, in point of fact, the very qualities most needed to make real progress in the rough and tumble of the political and cultural conversation.” — Bishop Robert Barron, Founder of Word on Fire Catholic Ministries and Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles

“Arthur Brooks is a...former French horn player who decided to be an egghead late in life, he is a unique mix of Catholic piety, data obsession, sartorial connoisseurism, physical fitness, old-soul wisdom, and basic decency.” — Jonah Goldberg, New York Times bestselling author of Suicide of the West

From the Back Cover

To get ahead today, you have to be a jerk, right?

Divisive politicians. Hateful pundits. Angry campus activists. Twitter trolls. Today in America there is an “outrage industrial complex” that prospers by setting American against American, creating a “culture of contempt”—the habit of seeing people who disagree with us not as merely incorrect, but as worthless and defective. Maybe, like more than nine out of ten Americans, you dislike it. But, hey, either you play along or you’ll be left behind, right?

Wrong.

In Love Your Enemies, the New York Times bestselling author and social scientist Arthur C. Brooks shows that abuse and outrage are not the right formula for lasting success. Brooks blends cutting-edge behavioral research, ancient wisdom, and a decade of experience leading one of America’s top policy think tanks in a work that offers a better way to lead based on bridging divides and mending relationships.

Brooks’s prescriptions are unconventional. To bring America together, we shouldn’t try to agree more. There is no need for mushy moderation, because disagreement is the secret to excellence. Civility and tolerance shouldn’t be our goals, because they are hopelessly low standards. And our feelings toward our foes are irrelevant; what matters is how we choose to act.

Love Your Enemies offers a clear strategy for victory for a new generation of leaders. It is a rallying cry for people hungry for a new era of American progress. Most of all, it is a road map to find the happiness that comes when we choose to love one another, despite our differences.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Broadside Books (March 12, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062883755
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062883759
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.89 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 904 ratings

About the author

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Arthur C. Brooks
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Arthur C. Brooks is a Harvard professor, PhD social scientist, #1 bestselling author, and columnist at The Atlantic who specializes in using the highest levels of science and philosophy to provide people with actionable strategies to live their best lives. He speaks to audiences all around the world about human happiness and works to raise well-being within private companies, universities, public agencies, and community organizations. Learn more at www.arthurbrooks.com.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
904 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book rich with insight and application. They describe it as a good, important read that is well-written and simple. Readers also mention the content is worthy of being heard and listened to. Overall, they say the message has the potential to change lives.

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34 customers mention "Insight"34 positive0 negative

Customers find the book rich with insight and application. They say it's well-researched, practical, and challenging for the intellectually curious. Readers appreciate the good principles and outstanding development of ideas around U.S. political polarization. They also enjoy the points the author makes and the good stories to illustrate the points. Overall, readers say the book is inspiring and provides hope and actionable tools.

"...The resulting case for love in the public square is both convincing and well worth reading...." Read more

"...This is a useful and timely book. I highly recommend it and hope it becomes a best seller...." Read more

"...at times in his illustrations, but all in all this is an excellent message for those of us with strong heartfelt convictions in life...." Read more

"...the causes of our current political climate, but it does offer some challenging insights into the way we think about others, particularly in the..." Read more

23 customers mention "Readability"23 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well-written, simple, and brilliant. They say it's an important read for everyone.

"...Why can’t we just be friends. I need to read again. So good. Coach Manny Nowak" Read more

"...case for love in the public square is both convincing and well worth reading...." Read more

"This book is well written, well researched and well documented. Mr. Brooks appears to be a man of character and integrity...." Read more

"I generally liked these tapes and found the content worthy of being heard and listened to...." Read more

8 customers mention "Pacing"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's pacing good. They mention it presents many good ideas and practical suggestions to heal the divide. Readers also say the message of the book has the potential to change lives.

"...He presents many good ideas and practical suggestions to heal the divide...." Read more

"...America (one-sided news outlets and social media) and offers ways to counteract the schism...." Read more

"...This books provides tools to help heal the divide that this highly-charged political environment has created." Read more

"This book is inspiring and actually provides hope and actionable tools for a more productive political conversation in our country...." Read more

A book for our time
5 out of 5 stars
A book for our time
Everyone knows that it is an issue. We walk around on eggshells, afraid to offend people.Logical, earnest conversations are a thing of the past.We all know that it is bad, but what can be done.Finally, a book with some answers. Love Your Enemies, gives concrete examples and approaches for helping people talk to one another in a meaningful, helpful way.I give this book my highest recommendation.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on September 1, 2024
If only we could do some of what Mr Brooks says - we could change the world for the better. A must read for people on both sides of the battle in America. Why can’t we just be friends. I need to read again. So good. Coach Manny Nowak
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Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2019
Arthur C. Brooks opens Love Your Enemies with a personal anecdote about a speech he gave to conservative activists in New Hampshire. Brooks is president of the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative Washington, D.C., think tank, so the audience for the speech was “an ideological home-field crowd” for him. Among other things, he talked about how the American public perceives liberals as “compassionate and empathetic” and argued that conservatives should earn that reputation too.

After the speech, an unhappy women approached him and castigated him for being too nice to liberals. “They are not compassionate and empathetic,” she argued. “They are stupid and evil.”

Stupid and evil. Although a conservative voiced the words, the sentiment is common on the other side of the political spectrum too. A November 2018 Axios poll found that roughly the same percentage of Democrats and Republicans viewed the other party as “ignorant” (54 and 49 percent, respectively) and “evil” (21 and 23 percent, respectively). Even worse, “The share of Americans who have more generous impressions is roughly equal to the poll’s margin of error, which is 3%.”

According to Brooks, this denigration of the other side reflects more than anger or incivility. It reflects a pervasive “culture of contempt,” contempt being defined as “anger mixed with disgust.” Or, as Arthur Schopenhauer put it, contempt is “the unsullied conviction of the worthlessness of another.”

In such a culture, what is needed most is not tolerance or civility, as important as those practices are. Rather, Brooks argue, what is needed most is love, especially love for one’s enemies. Following Thomas Aquinas, Brooks defines love as “to will the good of the other.” Love doesn’t mean setting aside facts and compromising in some mushy middle. But it does require remembering that while “their views might be [worthy of contempt], no person is.”

Although Brooks is president of a secular think tank and his book is pitched at a broad audience, his is a fundamentally Christian insight. (Brooks himself is Catholic.) The book’s title comes directly from Jesus’ commandment in Matthew 5:44. That being said, Love Your Enemies is not a theological tome or a how-to book for Christian ministry, but an exercise in the application of enemy-love to American public discourse.

Along the way, Brooks outlines the features of our culture of contempt, asks whether we can afford to be nice, gives love lessons for leaders, shows how we can love our enemies even if they’re immoral, identifies why identity politics is both powerful and perilous, asks whether competition is a problem, and encourages people to disagree with one another — though without contempt, of course. Throughout, he uses anecdotes and contemporary social science to make his points. The resulting case for love in the public square is both convincing and well worth reading.
Love Your Enemies covers a lot of ground, so Brooks helpfully concludes the book with “Five Rule
s to Subvert the Culture of Contempt”:

1. Stand up to the Man. Refuse to be used by the powerful.
2. Escape the bubble. Go where you’re not invited and say things people don’t expect.
3. Say no to contempt. Treat others with love and respect, even when it’s difficult.
4. Disagree better. Be part of a healthy competition of ideas.
5. Tune out. Disconnect more from the unproductive debates.

As noted above, Love Your Enemies is not a theological tome or a how-to book for Christian ministry. I read this book as a Christian minister, however, and can’t help but see its salience to Christian readers and leaders. So, I close my review with an exhortation to them:

Christ commands us to love our enemies. There’s no carve-out when the “enemy” is on the other side from us religiously, culturally or politically. There’s no exception clause for those moments when an election is on the line. Loving our enemies is simply what Christians do for others because it’s what Christ did for us. So, let’s do it. It’s the right thing to do, and if Brooks is right, it’s also the most socially beneficial thing we can do in our nation’s roiling culture of contempt.
88 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2024
In 2024 America (the world?) would be more pleasant to live in if everyone lived by the principles and values expressed in this book. I thought I was doing pretty well in the way I related to others who disagree with me (I’m mostly thinking politically, but this notion extends to other areas of life when held up to a mirror), but the book made me realize I have some changes to make in me - and that I’ll be happier if I do.

Nevertheless, like many good books, I wish the author had n editor that pushed back harder & asked for more crispness, and made it shorter. Like the old saying, “I’d have written a shorter letter if I’d had more time”, the author would have had more of an impact on me with a book 1/3 shorter. I started skimming about 1/2 way through, and I’m sure I thus missed things.

Five stars for ideas, 3 stars for length, averaging out to 4.
Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2024
Everyone knows that it is an issue. We walk around on eggshells, afraid to offend people.

Logical, earnest conversations are a thing of the past.

We all know that it is bad, but what can be done.

Finally, a book with some answers. Love Your Enemies, gives concrete examples and approaches for helping people talk to one another in a meaningful, helpful way.

I give this book my highest recommendation.
Customer image
5.0 out of 5 stars A book for our time
Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2024
Everyone knows that it is an issue. We walk around on eggshells, afraid to offend people.

Logical, earnest conversations are a thing of the past.

We all know that it is bad, but what can be done.

Finally, a book with some answers. Love Your Enemies, gives concrete examples and approaches for helping people talk to one another in a meaningful, helpful way.

I give this book my highest recommendation.
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One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 22, 2019
In this year’s January Series from Calvin College, I heard Brooks speak. Much of his presentation, it appears, was taken from this book which was released in mid-March. I’m glad it is in print for I was impressed with his talk and liked how he addresses the lack of civility in American political discourse. What bothers Brooks isn’t anger. Anger can be effective in the right circumstances. Nor is he bothered by arguments. That, too, can be productive. He doesn’t even want us to tolerate each other for that seems to be a way to look down on others. Brooks argues for us to love everyone, especially our enemies. What frightens Brooks about American society is the rise of contempt for “the other.” When we get to a point where we wish our enemies would disappear or go away, it’s easy to consider them less than human. Then we have a real problem. Brooks’ points out how this is a problematic for both sides of the political spectrum in America today. Looking back at the 2016 Presidential election, he points to Clinton’s comments about the “deplorable” folks behind Trump, and to Trumps many comments in which he belittled or attacked the dignity of “others.”

Brooks is an economist and the director of the American Enterprise Institute, which he describes as a “center-right” think tank. He often draws from economic principals in a making a case for having a diversity of opinions at the table. He believes in competition in both the business world as well as in the marketplace of ideas. When there are more ideas and choices being discussed and debated, the chances of us coming up with a better solution increases. But when voices are silenced and viewed with contempt, we will all lose because the best ideas may be kept from rising to the top.

Brooks begins his book by examining the rise of contempt in our culture. He draws from many fields to make his case. He insist that those on both sides of most arguments have values and to treat the other side as someone without values is the beginning of a culture of contempt. Our problem intensifies (and is undermined) when we use our values as weapons. He suggests that we all make friends and really listen to those with whom we disagree. Not only will this help us sharpen our own views, we might learn something. He also encourages his readers who feel they don’t like the other side to “fake it,” noting that just forcing a smile can help change our own outlook and help us to relate to others.

The book ends with five rules in which we can resist the culture of contempt in our society.

-Resist “the powerful” (especially those on your side of the debate). When you just listen to the politician or the news media you agree with, you are easily manipulated. He encourages us to stand up to those who belittle others, especially those with whom we agree. It’s easy to stand up to those with whom we generally disagree.
-Get out of our bubbles and listen to and meet those from the other side. How else will we hear diverse opinions?
-Say no to contempt and treat everyone with love and respect even when it is difficult.
-Disagree better. Be a part of a healthy competition of ideas.
-Tune out: disconnect from unproductive debates. Brooks sees social media as a problem for our democracy as we find ourselves in constant debates in which no one changes their minds. Sabbaticals from such dialogue can be helpful to our own well being.

Brooks is a committed Roman Catholic and while his faith is displayed throughout the book, he also demonstrates his openness to others. He is a good friend of the Dalia Lama from whom he has learned much. At the end of the book, he encourages his readers to become “missionaries” as we help with love and kindness to provide an alternative for the contempt in our society. This is a useful and timely book. I highly recommend it and hope it becomes a best seller. Interestingly, Brooks is donating all the profits for his book to the American Enterprise Institute. That’s an example of someone living the missionary life!
36 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Hugh Lloyd
5.0 out of 5 stars Fabulous Book
Reviewed in Canada on December 28, 2020
Not just a description of the current social situation in America, but also a mature and thoughtful prescription of what we can each do about it.
Sarah Ebers
5.0 out of 5 stars Unbedingt lesen!
Reviewed in Germany on April 30, 2019
Großartiger Appell an Vernunft, Empathie und Wille zum Konsens. Unbedingt lesen!
Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A Devotional for our time
Reviewed in Australia on May 15, 2019
Arthur Brooks has written a modern day devotional; an instructional in the vein of St Francis de Sales. In clear, direct and compelling prose, Brooks explains the bleakness of ‘contempt’, questions the merit of civility and advocates for disagreement. A disagreement based on the foundation of loving your enemies. The lessons featured in this book are sourced from real life, real people who have overcome the temptations to detract, hate and reject. Brooks just doesn’t explain life at the top of the mountain, he provides concrete steps at the end of each chapter upon which to walk
One person found this helpful
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