It’s a common experience for therapists to look around and wonder how they, and other trained clinicians, can be just as trapped in avoidance, attacking and repetitive conflicts in their personal relationships as their patients are. In fact, the closer and more intimate the relationship, the more apt we all are to display reactive, aggressive and immature behavior. And with all of the wonderful therapy methods out there, it is often a mystery as to why so many of us, therapists and non-therapists, just can’t seem to break out of these destructive, repetitive patterns. We find ourselves stuck yet again in old painful discussions when we encounter a conflict with those we love the most: our partners, siblings, and grown children.
And here is a surprising truth that may explain some of that- insight won’t fix this. We can spend years in therapy developing boatloads of insight and still be impossible to live with because of the massive blind spots we have developed in our relationships. When we find ourselves diagnosing, labeling and characterizing we are not truly knowing, understanding and accepting those we love. How do we avoid this common trap and set ourselves free to love more abundantly?
Polly Young-Eisendrath PhD has masterfully brought the mindfulness of Buddhism together with the insights of psychoanalysis to give us the tools to untangle the mysterious spell which seems have befallen us. She explains that by winning the rights we now have in the 21st century to love/marry whom we choose, commit to equality in relationships and expect a best friend who “gets us” and mirrors us accurately, we have won a sort of lottery of love. But we have no idea how to manage our windfall. We are rich with freedom, equality and friendship in these relationships, but live with a poverty of skills to manage them.
Love Between Equals teaches the skills and provides a map through the “broken hallelujah” that is love. Dialogue Therapy itself, is a guided tour, which will leave you more compassionate, more mindful and able to see yourself and your partner clearly. These skills will leave you changed and will pay dividends for the rest of your life and all of your important relationships.
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This book has helped me understand my relationships so much! Highly recommended book!
I have been reading and rereading this book on and off for several months. The book really resonates with me and helped me understand conflict I’ve had in relationships. I am really glad I got this book in paper format not kindle. I have tagged, underlined, highlighted, and made notes in the margins throughout this book. My notes are how the writings apply to what I’ve experienced. I am still working througH a lot of issues in my life and this book has really helped me to self reflect and understand why I have reacted the way I have in the past.This book provides a “spiritual path” and not focused on god/Christianity. I am a spiritual person, but I don’t necessarily believe in god and I definitely lean towards Buddhism. I love the spiritual quotes that are presented throughout the book. This book has helped me understand in a very loving and open way. It has sparked mindfulness and patience with my life journey. It is very well written and very easy to read and understand.I don’t mind writing in books I plan to keep forever. Another book that I’ve gotten in paper format is Ekhart Tolle - A New Earth. This book Love Between Equals and A New Earth are two of my favorite “life” books that I go back to time and time again. Both of them are timeless and provide so much insight and understanding to life and so writing in them is part of “therapy” for me.I highly recommend this book for both individual reflection and to help with relationships.
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Johhny Zero
Interesting book but !!!!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 1, 2024