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Loving Our Kids on Purpose Revised Edition: Making a Heart to Heart Connection Paperback – September 17, 2013
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About the Author
Danny Silk serves on the Senior Management Team at Bethel Church in Redding, CA. He is the director of Global Transformation Institute and oversees Bethel Staff development. Danny and his wife, Sheri, are the founders of Loving on Purpose Educational Services, a ministry to families and communities worldwide. They have been married over 28 years and have three children and three grandchildren.
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This book was recommended to me by my brother and I was excited to order it and start reading it. And, at first I really was enjoying it.
But, once the author got to the practical application, I found his ideas disturbing and could not continue.
I don't want to waste your time, so I won't give you too many examples. Here are two:
First, I found the author's methods of communicating with children (and teens), in an effort to help them make choices, quite sarcastic and just weird.
(As a bit of background, I grew up with a pretty sarcastic Father — so I understand that I may have a sensitivity to that, when it comes to guiding children, that many people may not have.)
But, as an example of what I am referring to, the author suggest communicating with kids using phrases like, "I don't know", "maybe so", and "probably not". So, when a kid asks, 'when should I do the chores?' He might say, "I don't know" because he wants the kids to make the decision. But it gets worse as he goes through more examples. His conversation with one kid gets so odd that the kids asks him 'why he is talking so weird?', and if 'he's been drinking', to which he replies, "Probably so". Really? (In fairness to the author, I am going by memory here because I've already thrown the book out.)
How is kind of language that helpful or kind or loving or good for building up your child? I just don't get it.
The second thing that really bothered me, was his account of an interaction with a female audience member during a talk he was giving.
He mentioned that this is an example he likes to give regularly.
He waits to figure out who the most vulnerable (my word, because I cannot remember his exact term) female in the audience is. This usually an hour or so into his seminar. Right off, that's a red flag for me. Then he singles her out to help him with a point he wants to make — that everyone likes their freedom and the ability to make there own choices.
He goes on to talk about having the woman stand and asking her if she is comfortable talking to him from 'this distance', to which she replies "sure".
Then he moves into the audience and stands next to her and says, how about now? She say, it's OK, I guess. Then he says something like, 'how about if I put my hands around your neck and won't let go? And he goes on to say something like, "What it I knock you down and get on top of you and I won't get up? (Again, going by memory).
When I read that, it felt really, really wrong, for a Christian setting, or any setting for that matter. How does a Christian man think that example is honorable? I cannot imagine, as a man who respects women, using that as an example. Ever. Not a chance.
Honestly, I was horrified to read that and at that point, I was done with the book.
I read that section to my wife and it was over. After that, there was absolutely no chance I could take the author's advice to heart and I certainly would not be using his words with my precious grandson.
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Thanks for making this book so readily available, I would highly recommend...Read more