Other Sellers on Amazon
+ Free Shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life Paperback – December 23, 2003
|New from||Used from|
Explore your book, then jump right back to where you left off with Page Flip.
View high quality images that let you zoom in to take a closer look.
Enjoy features only possible in digital – start reading right away, carry your library with you, adjust the font, create shareable notes and highlights, and more.
Discover additional details about the events, people, and places in your book, with Wikipedia integration.
Ask Alexa to read your book with Audible integration or text-to-speech.
"Happy This Year!" by Will Bowen
A practical, yet inspirational work that proposes it’s the inner world of our psyches that determines happiness, not outside forces. | Learn more
Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Frequently bought together
-- David Chadwick, author of Crooked Cucumber: The Life and Zen Teaching of Shunryu Suzuki
“Suppose you could find a simple way to embrace your life with joy, stop arguing with reality, and achieve serenity in the midst of chaos? That is what Loving What Is offers. It is no less than a revolutionary way to live your life. The question is: are we brave enough to accept it?”
-- Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying
“Byron Katie’s Work is a great blessing for our planet. The root cause of suffering is identification with our thoughts, the ‘stories’ that are continuously running through our minds. Byron Katie’s Work acts like a razor-sharp sword that cuts through that illusion and enables you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being. Joy, peace, and love emanate from it as your natural state. In Loving What Is, you have the key. Now use it.”
-- Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now
“Loving What Is is filled with the essence of wisdom. Katie’s Work is a wonderful, transformative practice for anyone interested in spiritual growth.”
-- Lama Surya Das, author of Awakening the Buddha Within
From the Inside Flap
The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, 'It's not the problem that causes our suffering; it's our thinking about the problem.' Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us. At that point, we can truly love what is, just as it is.
Loving What Is will show you step-by-step, through clear and vivid examples, exactly how to use this revolutionary process for yourself. You'll see people do The Work with Katie on a broad range of human problems, from a wife ready to leave her husband because he wants more sex, to a Manhattan worker paralyzed by fear of terrorism, to a woman suffering over a death in her family. Many people have discovered The Work's power to solve problems; in addition, they say that through The Work they experience a sense of lasting peace and find the clarity and energy to act, even in situations that had previously seemed impossible.
If you continue to do The Work, you may discover, as many people have, that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace. Loving What Is offers everything you need to learn and live this remarkable process, and to find happiness as what Katie calls 'a lover of reality.'
- Publisher : Three Rivers Press; Reprint edition (December 23, 2003)
- Language: : English
- Paperback : 321 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1400045371
- ISBN-13 : 978-1400045372
- Item Weight : 9 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.2 x 0.8 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #3,608 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
"A timely novel highlighting the worth and delicate nature of Nature itself." -Delia Owens Learn more
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
I read it through, and tried to apply "The Work", but I just couldn't seem to "wrap my head around it". Truth be told, I ended up arguing with the whole process. Which made me upset, because I had already been doing self-inquiry as a meditation practice.
So, I threw or gave my copy away.
But, in those 5 years, I kept meditating, I acquired a VERY loving, patient and 'stubborn' spiritual mentor, and I started studying "A Course in Miracles".
And so, now, I am buying another copy of this book! Because I kept recalling how "The Work" would be soooo valuable for me to apply in my everyday life.
I make that statement because, now, I realize the importance of and the full meaning of forgiveness.
I've learned (the hard way) that the ONLY way to achieve true forgiveness is to be able to drop ALL my judgements about "trespasses" and "trespassers".
And, I've learned that ALL judgement is related in some way back to one's own 'story' - it's almost like our mind's judgements are the "proof" behind what makes our stories 'true', or 'real', or 'meaningful"! (While our mind thinks our stories are what makes us 'me'. 'individual, or 'important'.)
So, while what I have said so far is NOT a review of the book, after reading a number of the negative reviews of this book (that are basically negative comments about "The Work"), I felt drawn to say what I have, so that people hopefully have a clearer idea of what the philosophy of Byron Katie is, and in particular her inquiry process of "The Work", which is basically what this book is all about.
If you are tired of emotional suffering (whether or not you already know it's ALL self-created) you will benefit from this book!
BUT, Ms.Katie's 'philosophy' (which is basically the same as any advaita vedanta, or "non-duality" teacher's), and being able to apply "The Work" to yourself is probably going to hit some of your cherished beliefs (unless you were raised by enlightened folk).
So, unless you're willing to at least be open to the concepts that: 1) we are all connected; 2) (other than immediate physical pain) NO one makes us feel anything; 3) judgements are the primary 'tool' of prolonged human suffering; 4) the only person one can probably change is oneself; and 5) there really is NO such thing as a 'victim', then you're probably going to have a great deal of difficulty with the material in this book, possibly even more than I met myself 5 years ago.
Then again, IF you ARE ready and willing to change your world by changing your mind,"The Work" and ACiM will definitely help you achieve it.
With this said, the book took a bit of a troubling turn for me as the author begins applying this work to individuals with serious mental health concerns and trauma. As a mental health professional, I'm just not sure this work should be applied to victims of rape, incest, PTSD, or other forms of severe trauma. Perhaps it does allow these individuals to feel better for a moment, but we now know that trauma is grounded in the BODY. We have to use somatic practices in trauma treatment and allow feelings, emotions, and experiences to be metabolized through the body. Attempting to just let go of the memory and act as if those thoughts aren't there is a form if dissociation and is flawed at best. Mental health professionals can spend years reversing this type of dissociative process in individuals who are seeking long term and lasting healing.
Lastly, I find it potentially harmful that this work "turns around" thoughts and beliefs on trauma victims and essentially forces them to acknowledge their part. It feels too much like blaming the victim. Unless I'm missing something, I feel this could be dangerous, unproductive, and harmful. Victims of rape hold no responsibility. Their only responsibility lies in what they choose to do moving forward with regard to processing and healing from their experience.
I think I would give this book 4 stars for practical application to smaller life stressors, but one star for applying this work to trauma victims. Please read with caution.
Top reviews from other countries
“Nothing terrible has ever happened except in our thinking. Reality is always good, even in situations that seem like nightmares”. “When I’m walking to the gas chamber, other than what I’m thinking and believing, what an amazing day!” - Byron Katie.
Was it an amazing day for Jewish kids in 1944? Byron Katie teaches us not to think about it.
In one interview BK said that all the problems that we’re dealing with are non-existent.
- People come to you with very bleak stories of abuse, rape, bereavement, even murder. Do those stories shake you up? Do you feel sorry for them?
- No. Never. I know that they’re perfectly all right. They only believe their thoughts.
She writes that she had suffered from years of depression, anxiety, compulsive eating, substances abuse, suicidal thoughts.
Then she had a profound experience which lead her to understanding that “I am a lover of what is… because it hurts when I argue with reality”. She started to teach an acceptance of what is and love it.
I my opinion it is nothing else as rationalisation of traumatic experience and coping mechanism. It is OK if that is her choice. The problem starts when learned helplessness is taught to people with C-PTSD, PTSD, bipolar, depression etc.
It’s like a person who learned how to cope with severe symptoms of an illness by taking huge doses of morphine claims to cure all other ill people with any kind of illnesses just by offering them same huge painkiller doses. No treatment, no therapy. Just take your pill and shut up.
She is not offering work with trauma, with your shadow self, triggers, memories. She can’t. She has no training in psychology whatsoever. She is a guru or “spiritual mentor”. She earns money by abusing victims and trauma survivors, she refuses to listen to them and invalidates their very self. But I think she is a victim who cannot stand others to be not one.
What she does is quite similar to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but CBT focuses on correcting our mental patterns and teaches how to change destructive believes and behaviour, while BK teaches us how to question all our thoughts, experiences, feelings.
Despite her claims she is not teaching people to accept the reality. She is teaching them to believe in the illusion where they are helpless, and where they cannot protest against harm even mentally. She teaches victims of abuse that their abuser did not cause heir suffering. If that is not a victim blaming, what is?
Of-course, it is important not to be stuck in the traumatic past, and see the difference between things that are in our control and things that we cannot change. She emphasises that she does not preach passivity, according to her we can go further and change our reality. The problem is that she does not give as rights to own the reality. “The reality” is a “turn around” of our experiences, an empty tulpa.
She pressurises people to “turn around” their experiences and question their reality. If that is not a gaslighting, then what is?
If this is done against healthy people – it’s just a questionable practice. If it had been done to people with mental health problems, especially suffering from C-PTSD and PTSD – it’s more dangerous than that.
She sits on stage and tries to convince people that racism is not a problem, that the pollution of the earth is not a problem – that it’s our reactions that are the problem.
Privileged, arrogant and deluded? I doubt it. I think it’s deeper than that. She learned how to live in a survival mood, accept her helpless status and love it.
I think her main interest apart from earning money is power. She was helpless against her abusers and could not change her life. Now she is teaching others how to love to be a victim and enjoy her guru status. To be a guru, or “spiritual mentor” nowadays is to be elevated to the highest level. Here, on stage, she can bully others and feel superior taking credit for helping without willing to help.
Victims in survival mood often struggle to help others, struggle to sympathise. When she sat next to a man who was dying, she said to him that she does not care. In one of her books she said that she will nor resist throwing her baby into the fire in the concentration camp.
Horrible? Well… you must question yourself and turn it around.
Love what is, in all situations. No critical thinking needed. Individuals alone are responsible for their own well-being or suffering. Isn’t it so convenient for establishment? For people in power?
How can it be helpful to turn your truths around and call them lies?
How does it end suffering to say - and then believe to be true, that your abuser is the victim and you, the wronged, are the abuser? No, this book is not for me. "Loving What Is" lacks both commonsense and compassion.
It could be that Byron Katie is extracting from the premise, held in both Eastern and Western spiritualities, that we are all connected, both good and evil, and that somehow the connection transmutes to love and good. But if so, the theory is not explained or developed, and instead there are gaping holes in the logical flow of this book, and it feels as if the reader is being hectored and demeaned to answer the questions in only one way.
We are all different and unique individuals with varying stories of personal suffering. These stories can be resolved, I believe, by kinder methods.
I've got some questions which were not answered for me in the book, but will need to think them through and probably do some Work.