I agree with Byron Katie's general thesis we are makers/upholders of our own misery, but the 4 Question framework broke for me when she tried to do "the Work" with a survivor of incest in which she asked the victim to come up all the reasons why her abusive father was not a disgusting psychopath, but in fact "wonderful," the idea being (I think, the process is still a little confusing to me) that the survivor can train herself out of a victim mindset.
I'm not a mental health professional, but that approach seems like it might have the potential to re-traumatize someone already suffering from low self-worth, anxiety, depression and, yes, victimhood. It was excruciating the read the transcripts of this episode because it was clear the woman was very confused and anxious about the process. She really struggled to come up with reasons why her father was actually "wonderful." I came away feeling like Byron was inviting her to gaslight herself, to minimize the trauma she suffered by tricking herself into thinking he was actually a pretty swell guy. Like, hey, your abuse could have been a lot worse!
While I think Byron has honorable intentions, the 4 Questions framework kind of reminded me of NXIVM cult leader Keith Raniere of HBO's "The Vow" whose psychological ju-jitsuing of his followers resulted in them erasing their own feelings, experiences and reality, priming them to live inside his cult.
I'm all for looking into the mirror for why someone's life might suck, but once it dips into self gaslight territory ("your incestuous father isn't actually a monster, it's just your perception of him that is monstrous"), that's a big red flag to me.
I think the 4 Question approach is best used for typical (non-traumatic) life grievances like why am I always broke, why can't I get a date, why won't my colleague stop annoying me, etc. That kind of thing.
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amazing book that transformed my life
Reviewed in the United States on December 17, 2021
Every passage is beyond words. If someone is looking for a way out, this book shows how to find it and where and whom to go; the very wisdom within us. So happy to see this book reaching out to people with the revised version.
Reviewed in the United States on December 17, 2021
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